Would you ask your teen to collect your Y5-aged child from school

[TBTG]

Or is that part of the "don't have your older kids have to raise the younger ones" thing?! I'd be willing to pay him, like I would a child-minder.

DD is in Y5, but is super petite, and I just don't feel great about the idea of her walking home from school on her own yet. Up til now, I have been WFH, but I am looking at a better job, which likely means I won't be able to get her from school. DS (15) finishes school half an hour before DD (9) does, and could walk to her school in time to get her. I actually think it would be quite nice bonding for them, and a chivalrous, caring thing for him to do, too.
DS always comes straight home from school, and goes on his computer - he'd only be missing half an hour of that!

It would be three out of the five days, as DD does after-school clubs on two of the days (actual clubs, like sports, rather than wraparound care).

However, I have always had this notion in my head not to make children be responsible for their siblings. But maybe I am wrong about that.

I am a single mum and could really do with improving our finances. I could wait one more year til she's at secondary, but in the meantime, we aren't doing great financially.

That sounds fine. If he isn’t the sort to make impromptu plans after school with friends that he would then miss out on, this could work. Especially if you pay him. And it may it be forever. DD may have a pal she can walk with further down the line.

I get that, and if that were him, I wouldn't ask him. We live very very close to his school, like a two-minute walk. Her's is ten minutes' walk.

But i am taking on board your comments. I don't want my son to do childcare once at home - she's very mature and sensible, and doesn't need supervising. It's just the walk home.

Sadly I'd rather she felt a bit limited at nine, than was taken. She's capable, and she knows I know she can easily find her way home. It's the dangers in society that I don't want to risk.

My son was with me when I was dropping him and DD off, so there was never a need for him to walk solo.

I agree re the other y5 boy, and no, he's not stronger than an adult male, but he's a big solid kid and would be harder to kidnap. My daughter is a wee slender thing, feisty as hell but would have little chance against a kidnapper.

I will be fine with DD walking to secondary as it is a two-minute walk along a busy road, full of all the other kids walking to the school. The walk to primary is through a quiet residential street, and it would take a second for a person who has been watching her weekly routine to run out of their home and grab her.

But you do understand now that you were being unreasonable, right?

I think this is a standard thing that you would get your child to do. Everyone helps out.
It’s not like he is in year 7.
When they are older they will have a feeling of duty to each other and I think it helps with strong ties.

@Thethruththewholetruth but that's a different circumstance to what OP is saying. Her DS doesn't have to give up clubs. Her DS doesn't need to stay and watch her DD.
OP, just talk to him, tell him why you want him to walk her home.

This is what I am hoping for.

I have floated the idea past him, I was hoping he'd see for himself that it would be a helpful thing for him to do for me, and it's literally a ten-minute walk there and back, so not a big trek. He grumbled a bit, as he just wants to come home and slob out, and I get that, of course. It would be three max a week, (less if he joins a club because I absolutely would not curtail him in that way), in which case I'd have to find some other cover or dd will just walk it (or scoot/bike).
I want him to learn some responsibility and to put himself out for others a bit. And I am really hoping it will be a nice sibling thing to do, albeit just twenty minutes two or three times a week.

I don't believe in older siblings looking after younger ones. So it's a no from me.

Our primary school only let then go with over 18's so it wouldn't be allowed any way.

I just think the actual risk you are worried about here (kidnap) is vastly vastly lower than your perceived risk. How many children are actually kidnapped off the streets of the UK?

I understand you are worried, and if you felt she wasn't going to navigate the roads etc safely that would make sense to be, but if it's really just a perceived risk rather than an actual one, maybe the answer is to consider whether limiting her on the basis of perceived risk is appropriate?

You haven't got a new job yet, so it will probably be a couple of months before you do get one. By that point we would be at mid May and you might only have just over a half term left til year 6.

So maybe if you do need him to pick her up, it could be a build up process so she could walk on her own in year 6?

Could she have e.g. a mobile and text you when she gets home each day, if you need to be confident she's got home safely?

This has been my stance for a long time. I am wondering if I am wrong though. My thoughts being, it's a short 20-30 minute ask, two or three times a week. He needs me to earn more so we can go on holiday, so he needs to understand my current role is limited in earnings, so perhaps he can help out. And it's not looking after in a babysitting way, just as a safety thing walking back from school

Sadly more than you might like to realise.

According to https://www.met.police.uk/foi-ai/metropolitan-police/disclosure-2024/april-2024/child-abductions-kidnappings-2019-2023/ there were 261 in E&W in 2023, not by parent.

You are right that it may take a while for me to get a job that fits my needs, I am limited still regards hours and childcare needs, so yeah, none of this might happen for a few months. Just wanted views on the sibling situation re asking DS, more than my risk-aversion re kidnappers and DD.
I don't feel like I am limiting her. I feel like I am protecting her.

“Not by a parent” doesn’t just mean “taken by some rando” it could also mean by some other family member or a friend.

Absolutely I would. I don’t actually view it as much different to doing chores around the house. I’ve never really understood the not giving siblings responsibility for siblings thing…you’re not asking him to raise her.

its absolutely fine and your little one will love it. I was practically a second mother to my little brother, 13 years younger. It doesn’t hurt to learn to care for others and take on an appropriate level of responsibility

Thanks, a good way of thinking Hope he doesn't see her as a chore though! 😂

Having done this with my own younger siblings, I think it is fine as long as you do genuinely make other arrangements if he wants to join a club or at least some of the time if he wants to do something with friends, and do it without making him feel like he's letting you down.

For me there was no question of that sort of give and take, I got offered a place in a competitive club and had to turn it down because I had to get the little ones. If it genuinely hadn't been possible to work out an alternative, I'd have understood, but that wasn't even considered – and I knew it wouldn't be. For what it's worth, I didn't resent my siblings, but I did feel the adults were taking the easy option without worrying too much about whether it was fair on me.

Oh me too, and there was the same gap between my two as there is between my youngest brother and me.

Oh I definitely will free him if he actually has stuff to do. My first thought was childminder, just someone to collect and drop her at the house, but then I thought, I may as well pay DS, and I'd rather it was DS than a person I don't know.
He only does his two afterschool clubs right now because they count towards his DoE award - he'd generally just be racing home to veg out.

Poor little DD has always had to be dragged along to his activities because I obviously couldn't leave her at home alone, so this does feel like it would balance her sacrifices a bit.

@WolfFoxHare no I don’t but you don’t know our family dynamics or circumstances so I don't think you can pass that comment.

I can't begin to count the number of kids at DGS's primary school that are collected by elder sisters/brothers from the nearby secondary school.

I'd do it without a second thought.

You make other arrangements in exactly the same way as if the parent was sick or had something else to do after school.

It seems logical and the best thing to do for both of them.
You can always review the arrangement every year but it is super positive to encourage responsibility.

My kids are 12/8 so in secondary and primary and I would absolutely do this - and would if the timings allowed (sadly my daughter's school starts earlier and ends later than my son's)

For her last year of primary my daughter walked my son to school for a year and I paid her £2 a week for the additional responsibility and paid my son £1 a week for listening to her - just thought it was fair as they didn't choose to have a sibling. Everyone was delighted with that though I'd likely give you son more in this situation as they aren't at school together.

But yes - have a backup plan and start working towards your littler one doing this themselves at some point - maybe they can meet somewhere in between or something?

Personally I'd prefer doing twice a week to encourage your older one to see friends and such after school sometimes but you know your children best and suppose there's no reason a friend couldn't come with him to collect your other child before hanging out.