Lads need dads - the Lost Boys report

[osotroo]

I read this BBC article and it struck a chord. I couldn't see a thread on it here, so thought I'd start one:

BBC News - Lost boys report: Young men are in crisis due to fatherlessness - BBC News
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cjd3jlee33yo

I have two boys, who are lucky to have a wonderful dad. I know many mumsnetters have sons who are not so fortunate, whether through bereavement, abandonment, relationship break-down, violence, or personal choice. In many cases, no father figure will be better than the default option. But what can society do to compensate? The obvious answer is more male teachers, more male sports coaches, and other activity leaders that can provide positive role models. What really saddens me is the "all men are bastards" attitude that is so common on these threads, because believing that can only make lives worse, not better.

I'm.not being sanctimonious, I deliberately didn't have kids because I had a shit partner.

I've been involved in and around social sector for work and I agree it is an issue. Not helped by the decimation of youth services in this country. There are some brilliant organisations but there really needs to be some government intervention and more funding.

There was another article on the BBC where a parent sent their child to Ghana I think when they were going off the rails to live with family and it eventually massively sorted them out they said.

can you quote your sources? Because according to Uiversity of Warwick study, applications by dads are overwhelmingly successful. "there was actually no indication of any bias towards mothers over fathers by the courts; in fact we established there was a similar success rate for mothers and fathers applying for orders to have their children live with them."

Not sure you’re going to get anything coherent from a jolly cross MRA.

@Dabhoch are you originally from a very patriarchal culture?

Not even his third.
Alcohol, weed or AI is his first.

(TBF, I'm rarely deleted).

Ok, so 68% walk out without giving a toss about the child their leaving then?

What data is it that I'm supposed to be looking at? Your unsupported claim that "Reality is that 93% of dad's house try to get custody in uk court will fail"? Fail how? When you say that they're trying to "get custody", what does that actually mean? Sole custody with no contact allowed from the mother? 50:50 shared custody? Or something else?

When you say "38% loss of contact with dad" what am I supposed to take from that? That those 38% have all had contact stymied by a vindictive ex? Or does that also include the legions of men who walk away from their children because they can't be arsed?

I don't know what was in the posts you made that mumsnet have withdrawn. Were they links to the actual academic studies, or to a site that offered an interpretation of those studies?

DH is good news, through and through. We've been married 35 years (but were mid 30s when we met) and we have one child (ours). DH has always been strongly of the opinion that he would NEVER rear another man's child. And he hasn't needed to, because I didn't have a child. For whatever visceral reasons, very decent men refuse to take on step children and blended families. Given how often they don't work out, no matter how hard mums try to make things work, who could blame them?

I am 68, so not in need of parenting. My DM is dead and my father is away with the fairies of his past being looked after attentively by his second wife, with whom he has two middle-aged sons. Wife two is protecting her children's expectations, from us. We don't expect a half penny from his estate but actually I would like really like to know my step brothers as adults.

umm - no, my ex was a great dad and I begged him to stay when the OW was a shinier prospect. Only became a shit dad AFTER he left and contact has gradually dwindled. Of course there are examples on ALL sides of this - good mums, crap mums, good dads, crap dads, absent dads - very few absent mums. Of those who have been denied significant contact (custody is not a thing by the way) - I'd love to know the details - has there been domestic abuse, drug use, alcoholism, a "big job" with no coherent plan in place for childcare in contact time? The devil is always in the detail.

Why do you think it's "obvious" that 4 in 10 men are not bad or useless fathers?

Sadly, statistically, I think at least 40% of men are not good at being fathers.

@Dabhochh you didn't answer my question. Stop ranting about evil women and engage with the debate. How about the fact that there is millions owed in unpaid maintenance, almost all by men, to their children?