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Original poster

In laws constantly making digs about our house

94 replies

IndarkModefortheforeseeable · 10/03/2025 23:28

DH sends photos of our children to his parents regularly as they live a fair distance from us and we don’t get to visit often, they are also disabled so they never visit us.

Yet everytime we send a photo from inside our house we will get comments like: why is there a plate, did you vacuum, X has crumbs on his shirt, open the window and so on and on.

We have lived in our house for 9 months and it’s been a difficult refurb, we’re booked for a new kitchen this summer and MIL will comment about the tiles being gross and that I haven’t cleaned them (I have - they’re old and stained). She told me she’ll ask her cleaner for tips to send me, knowing full well I had my own cleaning business for 7 years and could clean spotlessly with my eyes closed. She then didn’t like the colour we chose for our bedroom and sent me a link to the mattress she wants us to buy!

I’ve asked DH to stop sending photos as all they do is criticise, but they then complain we haven’t sent anything from home (park photos only meaning they had nothing to complain about)

Its making me feel inadequate tbh, the house needs work, I have a full time job and 3 young children aswell as anxiety. I don’t want to fall out with in laws because they are elderly and unwell, I’ve also considered the fact they do it to try and feel involved, but I’m becoming resentful that they never have anything positive to say particularly as they have never been to our house. They never comment on our children either, just the background and how it apparently never looks clean or to their taste. DH says to ignore them.

Do I cause WW3 by speaking up or should I let it go?

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 10/03/2025 23:31

What? Your husband is sending photos and your MIL is then sending you messages criticising the house?

I'd block her.

Avatartar · 10/03/2025 23:32

Tell your DH to either airbrush the photos before he sends them OR not to report the criticism back to you and to deal with it himself

Isthisreasonable · 10/03/2025 23:36

I suspect that they'll find fault with the new kitchen too. I'd stick to the park photos and when they complain just repeatedly say we know how much our house upsets you so we won't send you pics from the house.

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Families
coldcallerbaiter · 10/03/2025 23:37

Next time photoshop a palace behind the dc, they should get the message

Original poster
IndarkModefortheforeseeable · 10/03/2025 23:37

Yes unfortunately she never reponds to DH, I get the backlash as the woman I should be making the house perfect apparently. It’s tempting to block her but it would cause all sorts of issues in the wider family. Airbrushing photos is a good idea.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 10/03/2025 23:39

What a bitch. Ban husband from taking photos in the house.

madaffodil · 10/03/2025 23:41

You could always reply with: "If you'd taught your son how to tidy up after himself, the house wouldn't be so messy".

MolluscMonday · 10/03/2025 23:44

“Yes Maureen, we've stopped sending you photos taken at home because you wouldn’t stop criticising the house. I agree it’s a terrible shame but unfortunately we don’t seem to be able to stop you.”

Llllllllppppp · 10/03/2025 23:45

I wouldn’t send them any photos, seems they are never happy - don’t like location photos and also criticising your house.
I would’ve cut their supply off by now.

OrchardDoor · 10/03/2025 23:45

Yes, photoshop Buckingham Palace into the background.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/03/2025 23:46

madaffodil · 10/03/2025 23:41

You could always reply with: "If you'd taught your son how to tidy up after himself, the house wouldn't be so messy".

Excellent idea.
🤣

Maitri108 · 10/03/2025 23:51

IndarkModefortheforeseeable · 10/03/2025 23:37

Yes unfortunately she never reponds to DH, I get the backlash as the woman I should be making the house perfect apparently. It’s tempting to block her but it would cause all sorts of issues in the wider family. Airbrushing photos is a good idea.

You can blur the background of photos but you're just kicking the can down the road.

BeeCucumber · 11/03/2025 00:00

Block her and bugger the issues with the wider family. If they ask why she is blocked - just tell them. You don't have to put up with her bullying.

RawBloomers · 11/03/2025 00:05

Edited as I was late to the party.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 11/03/2025 00:26

Why do you care so much? Why does your MIL not liking your tile make you feel inadequate? So bloody what?

They’re being ridiculous and I would either ignore them or address the issue. Ask why she’s sending this all to you and not your DH. Ask why cleaning is your responsibility. Send them park photos and, if they complain, say it’s because they’re always critical about the house and you’d rather not hear it.

OriginalUsername2 · 11/03/2025 00:26

IndarkModefortheforeseeable · 10/03/2025 23:37

Yes unfortunately she never reponds to DH, I get the backlash as the woman I should be making the house perfect apparently. It’s tempting to block her but it would cause all sorts of issues in the wider family. Airbrushing photos is a good idea.

She’s causing issues in your family. I think it’s best to show you won’t be bullied as early as possible.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 11/03/2025 00:31

IndarkModefortheforeseeable · 10/03/2025 23:37

Yes unfortunately she never reponds to DH, I get the backlash as the woman I should be making the house perfect apparently. It’s tempting to block her but it would cause all sorts of issues in the wider family. Airbrushing photos is a good idea.

Every time your husband takes a photo tell him to clean the house from top to bottom first or it doesn't go near his hateful mother.

I'd block her though. You don't need to communicate with her, he's the one sending pictures he can deal with her.

Dellspoem · 11/03/2025 00:37

Might need to vet the photos before sending them. I had a lovely video of my daughter saying "grandad" for the first time but didn't send it as she had a stain on her jumper, and was standing on a chair in her nappy. I knew it was going to cause a drama. 'why is she not wearing trousers', 'why is she standing on the chair', 'dirty clothes she can't keep her child clean'.

So, grandparents don't get to experience this stuff because they don't deserve it 🤷‍♀️

Lavender14 · 11/03/2025 00:44

Maitri108 · 10/03/2025 23:31

What? Your husband is sending photos and your MIL is then sending you messages criticising the house?

I'd block her.

I don't think you have an in laws issue you have a dh issue. Dhs conversation needs to go like this "dear mum and dad, we try to involve you as much as possible in our lives however this pattern of critical and nasty comments about our home which you direct at my wife is not something I will tolerate. If you want to keep receiving photos of our kids then the comments need to stop. If they continue then you won't be included any further. It's up to you how you decide to proceed but I'm making my stance very clear and I will follow through on this if needed. I hope you can reflect and we can have a more positive relationship in future. "

And then he follows through as needed. And if I were you I wouldn't respond to any further rude messages. Your dh needs to have your back.

Mudflaps · 11/03/2025 03:10

Dellspoem · 11/03/2025 00:37

Might need to vet the photos before sending them. I had a lovely video of my daughter saying "grandad" for the first time but didn't send it as she had a stain on her jumper, and was standing on a chair in her nappy. I knew it was going to cause a drama. 'why is she not wearing trousers', 'why is she standing on the chair', 'dirty clothes she can't keep her child clean'.

So, grandparents don't get to experience this stuff because they don't deserve it 🤷‍♀️

That is so sad, my parents would have loved a photo like that simply because they love their grandchildren. My son got his dirtiest when out with my dm, they'd spend days in the garden and he'd be filthy but tired and happy afterwards, if a child was standing on a chair with stained clothes wearing no trousers in my parents house it would have meant they'd been baking and got flour all over themselves or they'd been playing at a sink full of water and got soaked, in fact getting a photo of a clean child would have been unusual. My mother is no longer with us but my father at 80 years old still does the school run a few times a week with for a gc and a neighbours child and loves when his youngest gc (2) visits and creates havoc pulling out boxes of toys and leaving half eaten icepops around the house. Strict stuffy gp's miss out on so much.

Millymoonshine · 11/03/2025 04:07

They're elderly and unwell so don't block them just reply
I have forwarded your concerns to dh. He will reply ASAP.

And then forward the messages and forget about them. If your dh still decides to just ignore then that's up to him.

PussInBin20 · 11/03/2025 04:15

I just wouldn’t answer the questions about the house, just ignore that part and refer the conversation to the child in the photo ie the point of sending it.

If they persist, direct them to your DH!

Semiramide · 11/03/2025 04:36

Hi MIL
I was brought up to believe that if one cannot say something nice, it's best not to say anything at all.

Sugargliderwombat · 11/03/2025 04:42

Mudflaps · 11/03/2025 03:10

That is so sad, my parents would have loved a photo like that simply because they love their grandchildren. My son got his dirtiest when out with my dm, they'd spend days in the garden and he'd be filthy but tired and happy afterwards, if a child was standing on a chair with stained clothes wearing no trousers in my parents house it would have meant they'd been baking and got flour all over themselves or they'd been playing at a sink full of water and got soaked, in fact getting a photo of a clean child would have been unusual. My mother is no longer with us but my father at 80 years old still does the school run a few times a week with for a gc and a neighbours child and loves when his youngest gc (2) visits and creates havoc pulling out boxes of toys and leaving half eaten icepops around the house. Strict stuffy gp's miss out on so much.

Show quote history

Ahh they sound so, so lovely. ❤️

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/03/2025 05:02

?? why don't you just reply "We thought you'd like to see that lovely photo of dgc but all you can comment on is the state of the tiles (which are perfectly clean by the way). You seem to have nothing but negative comments [insert other examples here] when we send photos. Why would that be?".

Just because they are old and disabled and related to your husband doesn't mean you have to keep quiet about this. He says ignore them - why dont you ignore him!