If your adult DC live at home, how much do they contribute financially?

[DanielleandBobby]

I live with my adult DS. I'm finding it tough to make ends meet like so many people, but I really want to encourage DS to save so that at some point he can move out! He's nearly 22 for context. He's only recently got a better paid job and earns roughly £1800 after tax. Currently he contributes £250 pcm towards our household expenses. He pays for his own transport, clothes, (quite expensive) hobbies, etc.

I work part-time for health/sanity reasons and am roughly £700-£800 short every month. This is coming out of the equity from the sale of my and my ex's house.

If you're in my situation with adult DC at home is what I charge him reasonable, too much, or not nearly enough? I'd be really interested to hear what others do. Even if I were wealthy enough and didn't need the money I would still want him to contribute by the way!

My sister in law has two adult sons who live at home with her, they put £1000 a month each into a communal pot out of which come their share of groceries and contribution towards running costs.

DS is 21 and pays £400 a month.

We can afford not to charge him more though - I think in your position you need to explain that you are struggling financially. How much would a lodger pay in your area?

If you are in a deficit of 700 pm then something needs to give. Either you work more or adult child pays more. If adult do moved out how would your finances be affected? Would you still be spending more than you are getting in?

If you are £700-800 short every month, presumably you would still be short if your DS was not living at home? I think you need to find a way to break even, whether or not he is there. It's not fair to expect a young person to make up the shortfall in your finances.

Having said that, I would also want my DC to be saving, and would make it a condition of their living cheaply at home that they were saving a certain amount pcm.

700-800 short each month is a lot. Can you list your outgoings so people may be able to help reduce those?

250 a month contribution is low considering the cost of running your home.

What will happen when he moves out? Will you then be nearly £1000pm short?

Are you renting and gradually spending equity from the marital home? Is there any way you can buy a small place with the remaining equity instead? Could it be cheaper than renting and better for future proofing.

We don’t ask her adult dd to contribute financially because our costs would be the same if not extremely similar if she weren’t here. I find myself regularly confused when people say they rely on their young adult children contributing financially because they could move out at any point and you’d lose that money, what then are you going to do? How much extra is your DS actually costing you?

My dd works full time, has car payments and pays for her phone, subscriptions and clothes etc by herself. She is almost mid twenties and is now in a comfortable position financially to move out to a nice flat in a nice area and have financial buffers and contingencies in place.

We are not in a position to help her with upfront financial help and so providing her with the breathing space to save and do things at a comfortable pace is the way in which we have helped her achieve this bit of adulthood/independence.

How would you survive if he moved out?

I find myself regularly confused when people say they rely on their young adult children contributing financially because they could move out at any point and you’d lose that money, what then are you going to do?

Get a lodger. Hence why if you need the money, understanding how much you could charge a lodger is useful information.

We charge our children 10% of their income, but we can afford todo this. It covers everything bar clothing and fancy toiletries. I buy some wine and beers with the shopping along with snacks I shop once a week with the when it’s gone it’s gone approach (I don’t drink so it’s up to them and DH who has how much and when )

to be so short at the end of the month with him paying 250 I was suggest you both need to budget more or look into increasing your income. As pp have asked, would you manage if he left home ?

You’d charge your child the same as a total stranger to live in their own house?

I have 3. One is Uni, I support him. The 2 working ones are under 25. They are saving. They put nothing in but they pay for their own car insurance, entertainment, train, tube, and phone, holiday, going out etc. Me and dh just run the household the same as before. We have a family holiday yearly and I pay, they then go off and pay for their own separate hols etc. I gave them my old car when I got myself a new one, a shared car for 2 of them, they pay the petrol, if they want their own or an upgrade later, they can pay for it.

If I do any admin for them that needs a purchase, I have their cards saved on my computer and they pay for it.

We could afford to completely support them all but this is my compromise to them learning to launch, easier at first but as they earn more hopefully with a view to leaving by 30 ish.

Our 2 Dds don't contribute anything and long may that last . We can afford it though OP we are lucky and don't rely on any payments from them.
If I were you l would be raising the amount by the increase in council tax you have to pay for the 2 of you living there .lf you were alone your council tax would be 25% less .

Zero. 😄
I can afford it. DD doesnt earn v much. DS is in line for a well paying job but I still wont take money.

But parents who are struggling should charge.

I wouldn't. But if I needed the money, as OP does, then understanding how much money she is effectively "losing" by not having a lodger is crucial. I suspect a lodger would pay more than £250, so it would be reasonable to increase her DS's board money - possibly still below what market rate would be.

OP also needs to understand her finances. She's choosing to work part time, which is fine, but if she's constantly relying on savings to meet ends meet, then she needs to decide if she's happy to do that or if she needs a Plan B.

You wouldn’t be feeding a lodger.

Depends on your arrangement. My friend feeds her lodger.

But if you're not feeding them, adjust the calculation accordingly.

Thank you all for your replies. There's a really mixed bag of answers, and it's something I now need to give serious thought to.

@Chewbecca Yes, you're right. I have a decent deposit to put towards a flat or very small house when the time is right as my rent is £1300 pcm (and that's good for where I live - we're lucky as I have a decent landlord). We can't move out of the area due to work and family, so it's probably going to have to be a 2-bed flat eventually. I really struggle with asking DS for more money as I want him to save, but if he ever does move out (very unlikely yet!) I would of course get a lodger. If I manage to buy a flat my mortgage payments will likely be half of what I pay now. Let's see how interest rates look later in the year.

@BarneyRonson Wow. £1000 seems a huge amount. I guess they must be earning more than my son though?

@RedSkyDelights £400 is actually the figure that I have in mind. It seems fair, but a talk with DS soon is going to be had!

My adult son pays £400 a month and we provide all food & even alcohol

@Chewbecca
Unfortunately my equity is not enough to buy anywhere outright where I live, but I reckon I could find somewhere with a mortgage of around 80K. My problem is my age - 62 :(

@Twiglets1
Luckily for me DS doesn't drink which is one less expense, but he does work from home meaning higher food and utility bills!

DSS is 27 and earns around £27k pa. He pays £250 pm. We pay for all of his food and prepare / cook it. He does his own laundry, we do pretty much everything else.

Yes so does my son

I'm old, but my mother always charged 1/3 of take home salary.

I never had an issue with that. It would appropriate in terms of disposable wage you'd have left over.

Our son has just turned 18 and is currently earning £25k. We only charge him £160pm, not because we need the money but because he needs to start to get used to the realisation that he doesn’t keep 100% of his pay packet. We pay for and do all food/laundry/utilities and he pays for his own driving lessons, clothes and personal items, plus he invests a further £300 pm into a stocks and shares ISA. He doesn’t drink alcohol or really go out much and is much more interested in investing his money than spending, so we don’t ask for more than he’s paying us for the time being.

It's not "their" house though. It's their parents' house! They can't expect to live as a waged adult for next to nothing.