If your adult DC live at home, how much do they contribute financially?

[DanielleandBobby]

I live with my adult DS. I'm finding it tough to make ends meet like so many people, but I really want to encourage DS to save so that at some point he can move out! He's nearly 22 for context. He's only recently got a better paid job and earns roughly £1800 after tax. Currently he contributes £250 pcm towards our household expenses. He pays for his own transport, clothes, (quite expensive) hobbies, etc.

I work part-time for health/sanity reasons and am roughly £700-£800 short every month. This is coming out of the equity from the sale of my and my ex's house.

If you're in my situation with adult DC at home is what I charge him reasonable, too much, or not nearly enough? I'd be really interested to hear what others do. Even if I were wealthy enough and didn't need the money I would still want him to contribute by the way!

Why cook and wash for them though? Do you want to?

It’s quite a while ago now, but when dds were living at home and in reasonable jobs after graduating, they paid roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a flatshare locally - rent only, no bills.

We didn’t actually need the money, but IMO it wouldn't have done them any favours to let them live rent-free - it would have been that much more of a shock when they did eventually move out and found out what a roof over your head, heating and hot water, etc., never mind a fridge full of food, actually cost.

Some years later we did give them both fairly substantial help with property purchases.

Mine pay ⅓of the bills, which is £200 each. They buy and cook their own food due to different diets and working patterns and do their own laundry.

Yes I don't mind at all.

My son is 21 and pays 10%, topped at £200 per month so he can save towards his future. He pays his own car, phone, clothes, any subscriptions that he wants for TV etc and we pay the rest. We can afford to, also his elder brother went to uni, so we paid a lot towards that, he is doing a degree apprenticeship so hasn't cost us for uni fees.

I currently PAY 600 euros a month for dd to live in a flatshare at Uni, She has to buy food on top of that. I still get family allowance of 170 euros per month = 430 euros. If she is working and moves back home, I would be expecting a similar amount from her though i would throw in the food for that. I could afford not to charge her but i think they need to acclimatise to the fact that stuff isn't free.

I used to charge my DS £250 pcm also. That allowed him to save up a deposit for his house. He was really happy to contribute. Now he's in his own house it's helped him with budgeting.

I'm at home with my parents whilst going through a divorce. Slightly different circumstances because I'm more established in my career and have DD5 with me but I'm paying £750 a month and usually do a top up shop of luxuries i.e. alcohol/treats once a month. I think the first job I had after university was around £200 a month. I'll be moving into my own place once the sale of my house has gone through and will be treating them to a well-deserved weekend away or similar. It's made a difficult time a lot less stressful!

Nothing. My 19 year old is on an apprentice wage. Pays for his own petrol, car insurance, socialising, clothes, gym membership etc. I pay for his food via a weekly shop but he'll buy other bits himself. His earnings will increase year on year so I'll start taking board when they do, proportionate to his wage.

But I'll only take a small nominal amount. I want him to be able to save up to be able to afford to move out (if he wants).

This is eye opening. I was charged £400pcm over 20 years ago and my parents didn’t need the money.

So many of you are setting up your (almost exclusively) sons to be absolutely nightmares when they find partners. I’m shocked. A 27 yr old paying £250 pm and getting all his food cooked & washing done?? Dear god. I had two babies and my own house by then (and I’m only 40 now)….. I know young people need to save but they can also cook, shop, pay their way…. Someone’s mentioned their adult children paying their own phone bills like it’s a thing?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it would be reasonable to ask for £400 or £500 plus food, given how short it sounds like you are currently. He may not be better off than if he was in a house share, but if he chooses to leave then you could get a lodger which would help.

For every year that this continues you are losing £9k of your equity by subsidising your son. If your intention is to buy a house or flat you need to do it now as you can’t usually extend a mortgage beyond retirement. You are in a very different situation to parents of adult children whose mortgage is paid off or thereabouts. If you are two adults on a fairly equal financial footing renting a two bedroom place together really he should be paying half - or he moves into a house share and you get a one bedroom place.

@DanielleandBobby

When my son was 18 we sat down and went through the household budget.
Whilst I could just about afford to keep him, it would have meant a significant drop in our standard of living. So he chips in. He's a uni now and when he's home he puts in £300 a month. We arrived at that figure together - it still left him with around £1500 a month.
He does his own laundry, breakfast and lunches, I usually cook our evening meal. He does whatever jobs round the house etc I ask him to. On Saturday we spent 4 hours building a new polytunnel so he comes in quite handy!
I'd look at things like the difference in council tax, if he's at home all day how much more are your utilities. Are there particular foods etc that you only get because of him? My son is a bit if a gym fiend so I tend to have more meat when he's around. And he buys his own protein powders. But my food bill is still significantly higher when he's around.

Mine pay 10% of their salary. One earns twice as much as the other so pays double. He still manages to save £1k a month towards moving out, which hopefully will be happening this year. I’ll then have to downsize as it will be tricky to sustain this house without him contributing .

I would expect them to at least cover the increased cost of being there.
Loss of single person council tax
Increased energy and water
Increased food and shopping

Mine currently pay £280 each a month, just to cover food and their share of the bills. I am beginning to think it needs to go up a fraction, maybe to £300 but I know that would hit one of them more than the others. The others are on good incomes, saving hand over fist for their own properties. In fact, they could probably afford them now but show no signs of wanting to move out. I might start pushing them out soon.

£800 monthly from 24 years old , not inc food

I will charge my kids as soon as they start work. I don’t need the money but it’s the principle that life isn’t free. I plan to save it and give it back to them when they leave but I won’t be telling them that.

Do any of those that do full service for free or next to free, want their kids to move out, be good partners and have families? Or are you expecting the poor women they end up with to train them? Or are you hoping they never leave?

Absolutely mind blown. I expect everyone over the age of 12 to cook, clean, help, go grocery shopping, meal plan, do their own washing etc. I've produced 3 fully functional young adults who've moved out and a 16 yo that is a pleasure.

Good conversation is setting the bar inappropriately low for a housemate.

This.

Ridiculous 🙄

Did you get to £250 as it 'sounded about right' or did you sit down and go through the bills line by line.
Have you thought about the tv package eg Netflix or the broadband set up eg Virgin Media. Have you double checked your direct debits and standing orders? Not paying ds phone or gym and magazine subscription?
Have you added up all the utilities? I have had advance notice that my gas, water and electric are going up very soon.
I am waiting to hear how much the Council Tax is going up by.
You are asking an amount that you would LIKE to charge. You should ask an amount you NEED to charge.
Realistically you are not in a position to subsidise ds @DanielleandBobby . Not yet. Not now.

£250? I wouldn't think that would badly cover a grown son's food bills!?

Same here. He buys his own sandwich stuff and picks up odd bits for us both if needed. He’s relatively helpful around the house too but we’re working on using his own initiative to do housework next!