If your adult DC live at home, how much do they contribute financially?

[DanielleandBobby]

I live with my adult DS. I'm finding it tough to make ends meet like so many people, but I really want to encourage DS to save so that at some point he can move out! He's nearly 22 for context. He's only recently got a better paid job and earns roughly £1800 after tax. Currently he contributes £250 pcm towards our household expenses. He pays for his own transport, clothes, (quite expensive) hobbies, etc.

I work part-time for health/sanity reasons and am roughly £700-£800 short every month. This is coming out of the equity from the sale of my and my ex's house.

If you're in my situation with adult DC at home is what I charge him reasonable, too much, or not nearly enough? I'd be really interested to hear what others do. Even if I were wealthy enough and didn't need the money I would still want him to contribute by the way!

I paid about what your son pays, but that was in 2012! I was on minimum wage but wanted to contribute as my parents were poor.

One third of their take home pay, not including food. They save a third or more. Any less is setting them up for failing when they have the stark relating of living as an independent adult.

Single mothers survive on less than your 21 year old living at home with mummy earns.

£90 for one doing low paid apprenticeship and &£130 for one doing well paid apprenticeship a month. Includes food & basic toiletries, they do pick up bits of food as well and buy own luxury toiletries. High car insurance to pay, mobile’s etc
2 boys so big appetites so money is used for food bill and twice a day showers
there is no right or wrong and you get those who charge nothing upto £1000.
rubbish to say an adult does not cost more as extra food , electric etc is always more.
dh and i may be splitting up soon so rent will need to go up as my one wage won’t cover it all. They will still have plenty to be able to save and when they can afford to move out I will rent a smaller place so costs are lower.

I used to pay a 1/3 of my wage to my parents.

The way I worked it was to ask my neighbours (who I am on very good terms with) a ballpark figure for their monthly expenses (my house is an extended version of theirs, which I need to house my adult children - if my children moved out, I could live comfortably in next door). I split the excess bills between my children, on the basis that I would incur the other costs regardless of whether they were there. If I couldn’t afford to pay my mortgage without them, I would draw up a legal agreement to give them a share in the equity of the property, allowing them to gain a foothold on the housing ladder, when they could afford to move on.

Interesting thread. 30 years ago. I happily paid my parents £200 per month from my first charity sector job. It was still a bargain for rent, bills and food.

I'm now in a hugely (worse) financial situation from my parents. And my dd, who knows this, a student with max loan living at home, thinks I am completely unreasonable to ask her to contribute to food costs as a minimum.

As I said upthread I charge my son £400 a month but he is on a decent wage about 30k. He’s also saving to move out but in no hurry at all.

When my kids were students or in their first jobs I didn’t charge them anything though as they were low earners at that point.

My DS is on 34k and gives me £200 per month, we really don’t need the income but it’s a lesson that life isn’t totally free.

You need to work out your bills to the absolute penny as. Then sit down with him and show him how much it costs to run the house. We did this with DS who bemoaned many of his friends pay zero money.

My DC pay £200 per month each no matter what their wages are. That is a small amount compared to what they would have to cover elsewhere.

Well I think you are bring unreasonable too! I always thought that parents were supposed to support their child during education, I suppose it is different if she is going out a lot.
As with other parents on here, we did not charge our adult children anything because they were not producing any extra costs for us. They saved well for house deposits.
I find this thread very depressing. I can see that families who are not well off will stay that way because the children have to pay their parents instead of saving.
My sister who was a single parent only charged her child for the extras that were incurred i.e. council tax.

When my ds lived with me and was earning, we simply divided the bills between us, so he paid half. This seemed fair to me and enabled him to save a deposit for his flat share. Since he moved out my bills have dropped significantly!

Did your children buy their own food and have separate utility bills? Presumably they did as you say there weren't any extra costs, how is that different to paying the parent and having one shop, one set of bills?

Your post reeks of someone who doesnt understand that not everyone can afford to sub working children so they can save for house deposits

My DC pay £400 pcm each, one is more than happy with that amount, as it’s the same amount he was paying just for renting his room whilst at uni. The other is very pissed off at paying the same amount. According to him, no one pays their parents anything for living at home.

We have a large 4 bed detached which is expensive to run. If neither of them still lived at home we would have definitely downsized. So our living costs are most definitely higher because they still live with us.

The long term plan is that when we do downsize, we will give them a chunk of money from the house sale for a deposit on their own place.

Even if we didn’t need the money to live where we are, I would still expect them to pay. It’s not “their” house. It’s mine and their dad’s. But one day they will inherit everything we have left and I will make damn sure there is plenty left even it it
means we go without. So them paying rent now will benefit them in the longer term.

No I am saying it is sad that everyone cannot afford to pay for their children while they are at home. However, in some of these cases parents are taking more than the extra costs the children are incurring.
In my case our children didn’t cost us any extra in heating because my husband worked from home and we would be heating the house anyway. My children worked quite long hours and tended to eat a lot of food outside the home. They also sometimes brought food home.

My adult son came back to live with us just after covid due to employment issues...I take £200 a month from him which covers his food, he buys all of his own toiletries etc...Him being here hasn't altered the rest of the household bills so I don't feel that he should pay more, I'm hoping he gets himself back on his feet and will be able to get his own place again soon so don't want to be reliant on him for money to then not have it when he moves out

Can you try and work out how much extra you pay with him living at home and use that as a starting point for your discussion? It is frightening how much extra 1 person actually adds to bills. Some increased costs:
25% Council Tax
At least 50% of utilities after standing charges (you have to pay these regardless so not fair to include this)
50% food bill.
If you work the actual extra costs out it will give you an idea of what you feel is reasonable.
It's great that you want to enable him to save but you can't afford to keep living the way you are.

This post is spot on. The sooner you get back on the housing ladder, the better. Don't wait for changes in interest rates, the difference that might make is far less than the amount of your equity you are throwing away now.

When does the family home stop being "their house"? And it just becomes yours?

I don't get this. Is it when they turn 18, or start working full time? How do they know its their home and not it isn't?

It doesn't matter what they inherit in the future, making them feel its not their home anymore is cruel. And probably something the kids feel deeply.

Maybe when they are 30 perhaps, allowing for extra time because CoL and boomer privilege, " didnt ask to be born" and all that? 😛

Some of us live in small London homes. I definitely don't want them living with me for ever. I don't charge rent but I don't allow partners, so maybe that will get them out eventually!

Most people DO contribute towards their home though, whether they own it or not, and a working adult should be able to appreciate this.

It would be unusual for an adult child to be paying more to their parent (in total) than they would to a 3rd party accommodation provider, so in the majority of cases they will be better off and therefore able to save more than if they moved out. It is just the quantum which would be impacted by how much they are paying the parent.

Many people seem to advocate the adult child paying nothing or a minimal amount, even if this leaves the parent short or the adult child with a far greater disposable income than the parent. I don't agree with this.

Others are financially able and happy to fully support the adult child. Not my choice, but fair enough.

Most are probably somewhere in the middle, and think the adult child should contribute - and the amounts will vary from a nominal sum where the parent doesn't financially need it (my son gives me £100pm and buys all his own food) to a more realistic approximation of what it would cost outside the family home.

Others save the amount to give back to the child (I'd rather encourage the adult child to save for themself).

This thread and others have convinced me that when DS gets a job he should buy his own food.( eats a lot). He is already planning a house share though.

Ds was already cooking for himself alot and when I suggested he do his own food shopping, once he started working, he said he'd just give me the money - but it isn't just about the money.
I didn't want to have to monitor food levels (particularly in relation to foods I'm not even eating!), have to actually do the shop etc.

It is working well for us, but it is mainly only the 2 of us in the house, in a larger family situation it might not work as well.

Don’t be daft it’s still their home just because some parents - myself included- request a financial contribution from adult children.

It’s still my home even if I’m paying a mortgage isn’t it? It’s perfectly reasonable to ask adults living at home to contribute to the costs of running it, food etc . Especially if they are in well paid jobs.

@Blondebrownorred

why dont you get him to do it then? He sounds lazy

Just turned 22. He covers his utilities and food. No rent as such. He’s saving for a more reliable car and flat deposit.