1 in 10 women murdered by a man are murdered by their son! And this is an increasing trend!

[nextdoorsgerbil]

Bloody hell!

This shocked me. (was just on the news).

Why? And why is this an increasing trend?

My child is autistic so that's a factor. He also has court orders contact with his abusive father and even now with a disability social worker my child has told his dad hits him and locks in rooms etc they think contact is best for him and that abuse is understandable as he's a challenging child blah blah blah.

It seems to be a patriarchal obsession that children are forced to be with harmful fathers. I am so sorry your difficulties are being made so much worse by this.

There are people who can’t wait for the excuse to restrain. It is to make it look necessary when it wasn’t.

While having sympathy with these families I still feel that others need to be able to send their children to school without the fear of injury by other violent pupils. Just saying 'no John please don't stab Susan with your knife/sharpened pencil' isn't enough.

that abuse is understandable as he's a challenging child

Institutional misogyny and ableism in one. Wow. I bet women don't get excused for abusing their disabled children. And the idea that a disabled child should accept being a grown-ass adult's punchbag because the child is disabled? I have no fucking words.

Kudos to you for fighting for him.

Another delightful story ... this time a sister killed rather than the mother. The usual living in an online world.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/mar/10/mali-bennett-smith-luka-stabbed-sister-to-death-pleads-guilty-to-her

I am so sorry. My father is exactly like that but luckily I haven't seen him since I was a baby. My mum took a big risk saying no to contact bug luckily they didn't chase it up. Family courts are appalling. This was back in 2002 but there has clearly been little change. Hopefully the fact journalists can report now will shatter the secrecy a bit & draw attention to the serious issues. There is this image of family courts favouring women but so often this us completely untrue.
Is there no charity that can help? I can't believe social workers are refusing to help ...is there no way of proving how badly your son's vile father treats him? Could your son maybe wear a listening device on his clothes to record the verbal abuse?

@Burntt

My child is autistic so that's a factor. He also has court orders contact with his abusive father and even now with a disability social worker my child has told his dad hits him and locks in rooms etc they think contact is best for him and that abuse is understandable as he's a challenging child blah blah blah

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your son.

Its utterly wrong headed of Family Courts and Social workers to think contact with Fathers is always best. Its not. Boys need contact with healthy male role models. That is what they need. Contact with a abusive arse, will damage the child, and cause them to copy the Father's behaviour. Jesus, we should be trying to stop the generational damage that is caused by bad Fathers being terrible role models or being abusive. Not encouraging it through some misguided notion that contact is always good. No, bad Fathers are damaging to children. We need good men, not bad, in Father's lives.

I'm so sorry you and your son are living with this. I'm also so angry on your behalf.

Ya, id say mothers being abused by their sons is a very hidden and real problem and not something moms would want to admit

I think you will find very few of these men grew up with a father at home.

We need to get away from ‘patriarchy’ as the overarching explanation for male violence.

Male violence is innate, it’s not taught. And violent men produce violent sons, it’s genetic in origin.

What can we do w these men then, if it's innate & unchangeable for them?

Like some others, I suspect the majority of deaths would be by mentally unwell or learning disabled adult men who should be cared for by a professional team but due to lack of services mum is left dangerous alone to manage. I know far too many mums who are in this situation and it’s heartbreaking as they beg for help and none comes.

We imprison violent men and never let them back out. Death penalty should be an acceptable option too.

I don't agree with the death penalty but do agree that violent boys and men should be locked away in secure but humane institutions.

Have you seen how many stories about murders and mysteries there are on television everyday? It really is too much! It must have some impact on our young.
even our soaps are full of violence. It is easier to write than the dialogue of old coronation street storylines and I suppose it takes a good writer to make ordinary people interesting. Now it is just kick, shoot and bugger stories.

The housing crisis and lack of mental health care is a huge contributing factor.
young adult men are bottom of the list for housing.
We have our son living with us still after an horrific MH episode in early summer.
We put him in a hotel, we were ringing the council housing office begging for help and it was “No. You are the one making him homeless.”
They actually said that to us at a desperate, horrible time. We were traumatised and on our knees. He lives with us because he’d be out on the streets and would have died due to lack of a safety net.
Son approached the GP for help. No help, but the DVLA rescinded son’s driving licence. I’m not against that, but again no help.
It is natural for young people to want independence from parents. Young adults living with parents just doesn’t work well for many.

Ya, my son grew up without any father or male role model. He's not really an aggressive type. He's nearly a teenager now and there are many boys in his class with dad's who are more aggressive. It could depend on the child though.

Personally I think we need to be very careful how we raise teenage boys, there is a few years there that they experience a lot of change and a higher school workload. Often it is hard for parents to keep up with where they're at and mightnt actually be meeting their needs properly. They might dismiss them as being 'big' but the teens mightnt actually be able to meet those needs either and let's face it, adults often change their schedule or use money when going through a tricky time but teenagers often come up against resistance if they do the same. That stress then mightnt have anywhere to go and it has to go somewhere, whether it's in or out (i.e. Male depression or aggression!).

Or maybe boys need to be become more independent. I think boys and men need a lot of reassurance and praise from women that they're on the right track. They want to know regularly that women are happy with them and can see all the good things they're doing. Otherwise the women are pretty much running things themselves. They compete with each other a lot for the womens attention

I'm not surprised by this. I work in a charity for older people and there are a lot of cases where elderly women have had to take restraining orders out against sons or they are violent and police constantly having to be called etc usually due to drugs or alcohol. The women always end up taking the sons back in they are violent and financially abusive. It has been a real eye opener.

Some men struggle to naturally draw the attention of women so they resort to insisting that they have a womans attention, annoying them until they get it or coming up with other underhand ways to get it. It means they look good in front of other men too. The woman deep down doesn't want to go along with this, but she does, thinking he will change with time and understanding. Then it builds up until she can't hide it. He notices she's not happy and is trying to get out of it and so gets more agitated/aggressive and then very mad when she leaves (often because he wants to save face with other men). I think this could actually be the root of domestic violence.

So what women really need to look out for is whether her attention is naturally being drawn too a guy or are they being too demanding of her attention and time. Does he interfere with her ability to work, do other things she wants to do etc

I this this will account for the majority. It’s not misogyny or red pill rabbit holes. It’s often schizophrenia or other illnesses where the mother is the caretaker for the son because the rest of society has washed their hands of them.

Boys dominating their single mothers. Cannabis, gaming and failure.