1 in 10 women murdered by a man are murdered by their son! And this is an increasing trend!

[nextdoorsgerbil]

Bloody hell!

This shocked me. (was just on the news).

Why? And why is this an increasing trend?

I think we see many examples of relationships on here where mum wants total control over her son even when he has a wife and the son can't say no even when his wife is pushed to wanting to leave.

That can't feel healthy.

Again, the poster literally said, ‘Naturally I hope it never happens.’

i asked about cause and effect on this thread. It’s perfectly legitimate for this poster to offer a possible cause and effect.

If I had asked about reasons why some women murder men, I am absolutely sure some posters would offer the ‘cause and effect’ suggestion that some men are violent to women, and some of those women will react by eventually killing those men.

The profile of the killers is usually the same. Usually no girlfriend or kids, friendless, gaming scruffy incel type. They’re not family men who’ve decided they’re sick of their elderly mother.

It’s enablement. There’s nothing to make anyone do ANYTHING any more, so kids can just ‘school refuse’, adults can just sit on the dole, grown men can refuse to leave their bedrooms and intimidate their frail older mothers.

You may say it was a worse world when we had routine corporal punishment and less government safety nets and overall I would agree. But we do have a lot of issues now that couldn’t have existed back then; and it’s amazing how many people coped even with poor MH and didn’t just fade out and die because they didn’t have Uber Eats.

It very normalised for mothers to be used as punching bags for sons with "unmet needs" so it's only logical that there will be some deaths. There doesn't seem to be any real help or alternatives for the women in these situations.

The men should be in prison. That’s where you go if you beat people up. They’re not different or special. Everyone has ‘needs’, not just them.

I expect some will be learnt behaviour from abusive fathers. Either fathers in the home or not. Family court orders contact with violent men ALL THE TIME.

Lack of support for SEN. Being restrained etc Leading to kids getting traumatised. Then what support there is disappearing as they turn into adults. Then those kids without SEN or disadvantaged home lives are at school/online with those for whom this behaviour is normal getting traumatised by proxy.

I hâte how so many people reference no dad in the home. Please don't forget how common it is that the man leaves when things are difficult. Like when the child is SEN and violent. That's not the woman's fault for choosing a bad man because he never showed his colours before things got hard. I learns recently that some hospitals on American are training their staff on how to warn women their husbands will leave when they are terminally ill so put supports in place now etc because it happens to such a significant number.

Men are selfish and take the easy route in most cases. Not every man but I swear many of those saying not my nigal have not had to go through disability or other challenges with nigal to actually know. The women who are left by these men get the blame far far to much like they should have been able to see the future

Lack of support for SEN. Being restrained etc Leading to kids getting traumatised.

Seriously? If they’re being restrained it’s because they’re violent. What’s the alternative? Let them hurt themselves or other people?

Well obviously something should happen but nothing does so they just get restrained. That should be the trigger (or much earlier as this behaviour does not come from nowhere) that a child needs additional support.

I don’t think tiptoeing around ‘triggers’ is remotely beneficial for their journey to adult life. Nobody will do that when they’re adults.

@Wildflowers99 also much of this happening in mainstream school to children who's parents have been fighting for years to get their child into a SEN school where there is less overwhelm to lead to violence.

Many of theses kids will have court orders to see violent men.

Violence is always wrong and SEN/trauma is not an excuse. But it is a reason.

And I'm most cases I would say this isn't the mothers fault yet the blame is always on her with professionals. The responsibility to change a child behaviour/treat/support/education is all falling on mothers of SEN children

I would be interested to know this too.

As a sister with a brother who is the type to murder our mum, I was able to get away. It seems much harder for a mother to escape a violent son than a sister.

Just look at all the Mumsnet threads where women with violent late teen/young adult sons are shamed for wanting to force their sons to move out- “I would never let my child live on the streets” is the worryingly common response. A woman can post about a violent DH or partner and get all the support in the world. A woman seeking support about a violent son gets sneers and victim-blaming responses. - “well you raised him”.

@Wildflowers99 I'm not saying tiptoe around triggers?! I'm saying support the child. Meaning teach them how to cope with their triggers and how to function in society without violent meltdown. Ignoring triggers fails everyone

I think people on here have a very narrow definition of what they believe autism to be.

@CrocsNotDocs that's a very interesting point.

All murder is shocking , but to be murdered by someone you love / have been in a relationship with is devastating

I think to be murdered by your child / adult child is the worse of all .

I am autistic. I understand how meltdowns work and I can tell you that fear of retaliation from someone stronger still affects who you are willing to lash out at as an autistic child.

You say you wouldn't survive financially. If he kills you, you won't survive full-stop.

But equally all of a sudden, it’s become incredibly wide and means almost anything outside typical behaviour.

@selffellatingouroborosofhate as I said, the spectrum is enormous from people coping very well to those that it disables to the point they will never live independently and are severely cognitively impaired. It's not comparable.

I would bet that a significant proportion of these are boys with severe autism. The fathers will very often leave, leaving the mother with a physically and mentally challenging situation.

A friend of mine had an awful time with her son. He got in with a horrible crowd, drugs and stealing. He ended up pushing his mum around if she refused to give him money. I saw him push her to the ground on the driveway whilst his mates stood and watched.

His dad wasn’t around. A few of the husbands in the group are big fellas and they ended up having a ‘chat’ with him …. funny how small and pathetic he looked then! He would never have squared up to them.

Usually because he has left

Can we please stop blaming autistics for problems perpetrated by men!

When the press say mental health disorders in this article, are they meaning autism then, as so many responses here say autism. It says mental health and substance abuse, often combined and mentions schizophrenia.

Anyway I hope this results in social care realising how vulnerable women are and considering it.

These are the children they raise.

It's misogyny, it's society, surely its also down to how the son has been raised.

I think genetics is a contributing factor that nobody wants to talk about. Adoption studies have highlight that children tend to mirror the criminal patterns of their biological parents, not their adoptive parents.

It follows that if your partner is violent,
your male children will be more likely to inherit that tendency