1 in 10 women murdered by a man are murdered by their son! And this is an increasing trend!

[nextdoorsgerbil]

Bloody hell!

This shocked me. (was just on the news).

Why? And why is this an increasing trend?

The study itself claimed that 59% of these cases had some sort of mental health factor.

Tbh I do actually know someone who was beat to death by their autistic son (and, classic, her partner left her years earlier because it was all getting ‘too stressful’)

I think that the internet plays a huge role in this, in the same vein that boys and men are accessing more hardcore pornography which is impacting the kind of sex that they are having and what is deemed as normal (young people seeing aggressive and degrading sex as the norm now), they are also accessing other things online that they previously may not have been likely to come across. For example we discovered that my stepson had been accessing snuff films online (videos of real murders and executions taking place). We found this out as the school informed us because he had been caught showing someone else at school. When they informed us the school completely played this down as common and normal for their age and we spoke to other parents of his friends who said that they had also found their own sons watching these films. None of them were overly concerned. DSS was 12 at the time and he gained access to them despite his phone having strict parental controls on it and being regularly checked because he was able to download some app that bypassed the controls and hide his history from his dad's checks. DP spoke to the men he worked with and I have spoken to some male friends, a terrifying number of which felt this was normal for his age and many admitted to doing the same at the same age. It's really scary that this can be deemed normal.

It says mental health and substance abuse, often combined and mentions schizophrenia.

They can often fall between camps - it's what happend with IL friends son - and his parents are still togther so dad was around - the subtance programs often wouldn't take him due to schizophrenia and vice versa in their area depsite them often going hand in hand.

This is going to sound ridulous like a novel or something out but one voltary stay he was walked of by a staff member and disappeared - when police saw CTTV of him apparently voltary walking out they washed their hands of it - his parents and support group as it wasn't just them had to trak him down and then in new area they had that area's police support - but basiclly he was being held to work modern slavery - no proscutions as they were unreliable witnesses - they got him back but he was so vunerable.

The problem servcies aren't set up properly in some area - and as well as being voilent they are vulnerable.

There's social presure to stay but there's also love and a desire to protect.

Upshot is child parent violence isn't well acknowledge in our society - and there are huge gaps in support - upshot is mothers are dying and I'm shocked at how many.

Autism is NOT a mental health disorder. So when this article says mental health disorder is does not mean autism. It's very clear on here that a majority of people have absolutely no understanding of ASD.

Breakdown of the family unit with the absence of a decent male role model might contribute to resentment and animosity directed at the mother.

I've read numerous posts on here where the mother has been physically attacked despite doing her all to raise her child yet the absent father sees none of this aggression or violent behaviour from the child.

Not get to the point where they have to be restrained in first place. So in the case of an autistic child they may struggle with busy noisy environments for example so they need to have guidance when they are younger to obtain the skills to remove themselves from that environment safely. My sons ehcp had in it that he should have a full time 1-1 and part of this was to monitor him to avoid frustration levels rising, but when he was in mainstream most of the times he had big meltdowns his 1-1 wasn’t around as they were helping other children as he was deemed to be ok and calm so didn’t need the 1-1 at that point when the result was that clearly he did

This is a problem of under- resourcing in schools. Child gets a 1 to 1, but in reality, that resource gets used to also help other children who need help, but did not meet the high bar to quality for a one to one.

Yes, men as a population are more violent that women as a population and markedly so. I have no doubt there is a biological reason for this. Culture and environment will increase or decrease a particular man's propensity to violence (as well as personality, their own physical size and stature and capability etc).

But women are also physically weaker than men and less able to use violence even if they wanted to. Most people who are violent prefer to be violent to those they can easily overcome.

This is part of the reason why men are frequently a threat to women but women are rarely a threat to men.

Neither does it say in how many cases were BOTH parents killed by the son. I think this is a deeply flawed article based, I presume, on a press release from whoever conducted the survey.

But as an adult you can’t just avoid busy environments.

@Wildflowers99

But as an adult you can’t just avoid busy environments.

You can actually. Am many of us do. Also as an adult with appropriate support learning coping strategies as a child if you do become overwhelmed you deal with it appropriately rather than inappropriately

Without a demographic break down, this info is sensationalism. On the rise amongst what groups.

Certain things ideologies are firmly rooted in hating your mother.

This is not exclusive to Tate loving.

Can you tell me what groups it could be among that would make it less ' sensational'?

I agree with your point that its useful to know amongst what groups, but your second sentence does not link to your first.

I don’t think what groups particularly is the issue at this stage. The potential inference that all of societal groups are experiencing the same phenomenon is unlikely to be true. Specificity is illuminating. Generalisation is blurry and such news as this, scaremongering.

Re-read that post.

FFS.

So in the case of an autistic child they may struggle with busy noisy environments for example so they need to have guidance when they are younger to obtain the skills to remove themselves from that environment safely.

That poster talks about an autistic child being supported as a child so that they learn what the start of becoming overwhelmed looks like and can take a break. Have you ever stepped outside of a crowded pub to get a break from the noise? The usual code for this is "I'm just going outside for some air". We are talking about the same kind of break, but the child doesn't instinctively recognise when he needs it.

Absolutely the Elephant in the room.
In pedigree dogs where lines and temperament is known, TEMPERAMENT is incredibly heritable.

Violent men probably do carry genes for poor temperament and anger.

You say that specificity is illuminating but also that which groups are affected is not the issue.

This is contradictory.

I don't think anyone would think the one in ten is randomly distributed in the population, so I don't think you need to worry about scaremongering. Women living with violent men tend to know they are living with violent men. Mothers living with decent sons aren't going to worry about being murdered from reading that article.

That is awful. Can’t say I’m too surprised, though. Our 22 year old son is a gentle giant of a chap and we’re really good mates. My husband is the same character as are his brothers.

Had I not experienced a very violent father and older brother who regularly beat me, amongst other things and hit our mum, I would have found it hard to believe.

You can avoid easily a lot more as an adult than you can as a child. I work in an office which is quiet nearly all the time certainly never as busy and noisy as a school. I go out to the pub, if it gets too busy I can come home. I’m definately not forced to be in busy noisy environments unless it’s my choosing

My ASD now adult son used to meltdown frequently and attack my ex (who forced him into the situations he couldn't cope with) or our younger son who just happened to be nearby.

Since we have left ex things are so much calmer. DS1 still gets anxious but it never gets to attack point. DS1 and DS2 get along better.

It took many years to establish a new normal of calm and respect.

Neither of them have ever been abusive to me. I used to fear it was inevitable but now it feels unlikely. Maybe because I always supported them and they witnessed DH being abusive when I stuck up for them.

It's not so easy even with ND DC to assume they will copy behaviour. For my DC their father became a template of how not to be.

I had their back and still do but they have mine as much as they can.

DS1 is practically housebound by his autistic related social anxiety and only communicates via social media - he is not an incel likely to murder me.

Honestly I have thought a lot about this (due to the case I mentioned earlier) and it’s just so difficult. Even when you tell people their son is clearly a danger, mothers obviously have a very difficult time protecting themselves. Oftentimes they’ll only do it to protect other people (eg younger siblings). So even if we could institutionalize such people, many times their family will refuse.

Can people please bear in mind that 'these people' are our children, who we love just as much as you love your 'normal' children. We're talking about human beings, not animals.

In a family I know, the mother begged for help to protect her younger daughter and herself from her violent teenage son, and the only help offered was a suggestion that the younger child could be taken into care.

@MementoMountain

"In a family I know, the mother begged for help to protect her younger daughter and herself from her violent teenage son, and the only help offered was a suggestion that the younger child could be taken into care."

I have a challenging child and this is exactly my experience. I'm in online support groups and this is a common experience. Most of us back down when we have this said to us. I fought it and quoted all the laws that would be breaking. But that's a lot of research and reading legal stuff that's hard to digest when you are drowning with caring for such a child.

I had repeated children and family assessments after I repeatedly self referred to SS. They always focus on wether I was a danger to the children, which I am not, so always concluded no further action.

My child is autistic so that's a factor. He also has court orders contact with his abusive father and even now with a disability social worker my child has told his dad hits him and locks in rooms etc they think contact is best for him and that abuse is understandable as he's a challenging child blah blah blah.

It's like the world is trying to turn my challenges loving kind boy into a violent abusive adult.

There is much more to our story I won't say. I'm just saying this as I don't think the general public are at all aware that many of these murdered mothers probably were begging for help and had been ignored. Many probably tried to block contact with abusive fathers who are passing on their behaviour. It's not they all stupidly believed their child wouldn't hurt them and blocked involvement from outside sources. Certainly that will have been the case for some. But when this is discussed people should know how hard it is to protect these kids from trauma and mental health difficulties from abuse/school trauma. And how there is no help once they have mental health challenges. CAMHs is a joke we all know that