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Original poster

What would you do? Buy house next to parents!

127 replies

Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 09:01

I currently live in a house where the location is ideal, but I hate the house. I have spent a lot of money making improvements, but I still hate the house. It’s a money pit and it will always need money spent on it. I resent the fact that any spare cash gets spent on the house and I still am not content living in this house. However, The garden and outside space is amazing. The location is perfect, ticks all my boxes. The garden is very sheltered and in the summer it’s a sun trap.

My aging parents (in their 80’s and not in great health) live 10 miles from me, I visit a minimum of twice a week, Lately, I have been visiting more as there has been health issues.
I am an only child so every thing falls on me, which I am fine about.
My parents live in a rural location by the sea so it’s very windy and exposed.
My father has made it clear, that he will never leave this house unless he is in a coffin .

The house next to my parents is about to come up for sale . When is say next door, There is a field between the houses. The elderly man that owns it, is going into a care home. He has been my parents neighbour for 40 years and they have always got on well. My parents will miss him as a neighbour and are concerned about who could potentially move in.

I am thinking about buying his house…

To do so, I would need to sell my house first of all and the gentleman is willing to give me time to get organised so I am getting first refusal.
His house is a small cottage which if I was to buy, I would be mortgage free. I would also have funds from my house sale to put on an extension and completely modernise the existing cottage to meet my needs

The advantages…..
mortgage free, hopefully nice living space, everything new so no financial upkeep for the next 10 years or so. Not driving back and forward to parents.

Disadvantages….
Living next door to parents,
my mum is always on neighbour hood watch. I am not sure if this would annoy me.
The biggest disadvantage for me is the weather, the wind, the driving rain, and even on a sunny day, it’s still very windy. It’s a completely different climate to my house which is 10 miles inland.
I also believe that me being in close proximity, my parents will come more reliable on me.

Advantages for my parents, there are so many. Me moving closer to them will definitely enhance their remaining years. My parents want me to move.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Endlessteatonight · 03/03/2025 01:19

I would suggest you don’t go in with both feet and rent somewhere nearby for a month and see how it feels.

The possibility that one or both of your parents may develop much higher needs sooner and for longer than you thought cannot be overlooked. What if they live to 100. You may find that you are not suited to being a daily caregiver, few people are can do it well and happily.

If you are doing this for money or inheritance, it’s even more likely you might hate the role at some point if it goes on too long.

If you think giving help to two elderly people is easily managed, you are in for a rude awakening. An office nine to five job is child’s play by comparison..

BettyBardMacDonald · 03/03/2025 01:25

Endlessteatonight · 03/03/2025 01:19

I would suggest you don’t go in with both feet and rent somewhere nearby for a month and see how it feels.

The possibility that one or both of your parents may develop much higher needs sooner and for longer than you thought cannot be overlooked. What if they live to 100. You may find that you are not suited to being a daily caregiver, few people are can do it well and happily.

If you are doing this for money or inheritance, it’s even more likely you might hate the role at some point if it goes on too long.

If you think giving help to two elderly people is easily managed, you are in for a rude awakening. An office nine to five job is child’s play by comparison..

Did you even read the thread?

She has an unusual opportunity to buy a known property, with the owner willing to wait a bit while she gets sorted. That grace period won't last indefinitely.

Sunnydays25 · 03/03/2025 01:35

I think you could really miss having a garden - it's going to be near impossible to establish one on a very windy site, even if you do establish some windbreaks, the garden might not be a good place to sit out in.

You don't know how much it will cost to renovate, but it could become another money pit like your current home.

I think you should look for a different house in the area, without the wind howling around the cliffs, but in a reasonable condition.

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Original poster
Worzelgummage · 03/03/2025 04:32

CobraChicken · 03/03/2025 00:56

Sounds awesome to me but just how close to the edge is it? 😀 How rapid is erosion of the cliff, or is it stable?

Show quote history

It’s not directly on a cliff edge. Very stable.
I wouldn’t consider it if there was any risk of erosion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzelgummage · 03/03/2025 04:46

Endlessteatonight · 03/03/2025 01:19

I would suggest you don’t go in with both feet and rent somewhere nearby for a month and see how it feels.

The possibility that one or both of your parents may develop much higher needs sooner and for longer than you thought cannot be overlooked. What if they live to 100. You may find that you are not suited to being a daily caregiver, few people are can do it well and happily.

If you are doing this for money or inheritance, it’s even more likely you might hate the role at some point if it goes on too long.

If you think giving help to two elderly people is easily managed, you are in for a rude awakening. An office nine to five job is child’s play by comparison..

🤷‍♀️

I image my parents needs are going to develop and we will do whatever we need to do in order to meet those needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzelgummage · 03/03/2025 04:55

Lights22 · 02/03/2025 22:16

It sounds like you definitely need to move, the question is to where.

How much does your suntrap garden Vs windy and exposed matter to you? It's quite a lifestyle change.

Could you potentially move to the bungalow, renovate it, be easier for you with your parents and then sell it on when your parents aren't next door anymore?

I love my current garden, it is calm and tranquil and my sanctuary. The complete opposite to the potential new cottage which is currently quite barren and bleak.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzelgummage · 03/03/2025 05:03

Sunnydays25 · 03/03/2025 01:35

I think you could really miss having a garden - it's going to be near impossible to establish one on a very windy site, even if you do establish some windbreaks, the garden might not be a good place to sit out in.

You don't know how much it will cost to renovate, but it could become another money pit like your current home.

I think you should look for a different house in the area, without the wind howling around the cliffs, but in a reasonable condition.

I will most definitely miss my garden but it is very high maintenance. As I age , it will also become a challenge. As you say, it will be very difficult, in fact near impossible to establish anything so a nice orangery/garden room, might be the answer.

OP posts:
ladymammalade · 03/03/2025 06:50

I wouldn't do it if you see it as a way to escape your current house but it doesn't excite you.

Surely there's a middle ground somewhere - selling your own for a house you love that's also close to your parents (or at least no further than you are now)

TimeForATerf · 03/03/2025 07:09

I live 3 streets from my mum age 88. I can’t tell you how much easier it is caring for an elderly so close, on the odd occasion we have had the ambulance out, I have been there from my bed in less than five minutes. I hope your parents remain as independent as my mum, but just being able to call her and say “I’m off to M&S, would you like to come out for the run” or take her shopping, or to appointments is so much more manageable than incorporating a round trip from your own home too.

You need to move anyway, sounds like a plan.

MiseryIn · 03/03/2025 07:46

I would do it in a shot.

There are ways to make spaces to shelter from the wind and this does seem like a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I live about 2 minutes walk from my mum and it's great. She does respect my boundaries though.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 03/03/2025 08:01

I’d go in a heartbeat, but I’d love to live in a place like that. I’d also grow a massive hedge/ row of trees along the field between my house and my parents, to obscure the view of my house.

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 03/03/2025 08:17

TimeForATerf · 03/03/2025 07:09

I live 3 streets from my mum age 88. I can’t tell you how much easier it is caring for an elderly so close, on the odd occasion we have had the ambulance out, I have been there from my bed in less than five minutes. I hope your parents remain as independent as my mum, but just being able to call her and say “I’m off to M&S, would you like to come out for the run” or take her shopping, or to appointments is so much more manageable than incorporating a round trip from your own home too.

You need to move anyway, sounds like a plan.

I have the same conversations, fancy a trip to M&S 🤣

OP posts:
BookClubGrinch · 03/03/2025 08:40

Buy it op!

Seeingadistance · 03/03/2025 08:42

I think it sounds like a good plan, and pps have already offered excellent advice about the house and the relationship with your parents. As you say you’ll have money to spend on the house, I’d invest in reducing the possibility of storm damage to roof etc and also set aside funds to have the garden landscaped to create as much shelter as possible and location appropriate planting.

PoorLion · 03/03/2025 09:24

I would go for and as part of your refurbishment consider an outside space with a wind breaker/contained etc so you can feel the sun on your face without wind

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 03/03/2025 09:38

@Worzelgummage so once they pass away you are going to be left in the middle of nowhere alone??? you are only 15 minutes away. that is fine. I would stay where you are at the moment because you are the one who is going to be left and you will need access to shops as you age and are no longer able to drive.

BluePenRedPen · 03/03/2025 09:53

Buy the cottage. Decorate and refurbish making minimal upgrades, but not any major works or extensions. Set yourself a 5 year review date to see how you like the area and living near your parents.
Invest your surplus capital from the sale of your current property. If you find you enjoy the cottage/area then use the invested capital to extend and renovate in the longer term.

Lickityspit · 03/03/2025 11:45

I think you should move. It sounds ideal. You also sound such a lovely person. I’m looking after elderly parents and resenting it (not them) but your posts have given me the kick up the arse I needed to do it with grace and love. Wishing you all the best

Bigfishes · 03/03/2025 11:49

We moved next door to in laws. They were the best neighbours we have ever had. I miss them every day. Would never have moved next to my mum though..

mewkins · 03/03/2025 12:01

If this is an opportunity too good to pass up (ie. You're getting it at a really good price) then go for it. If not, look at moving - perhaps a bit closer to you parents but in a less exposed place. The options aren't limited to staying where you are or moving to that specific house- you have many other choices!

Chipsahoy · 03/03/2025 14:58

I live somewhere high up and exposed. We get a lot more wind than just ten mins down the road. But we also have views, amazing sunrises and sunsets, we have deer and pheasants and bird of prey close to the house every day. I wouldn’t be put off by the wind. I’d say a sun room / conservatory is a must to enjoy the warmth on a windy day.

Zanzara · 03/03/2025 17:41

Nothatgingerpirate · 02/03/2025 11:51

Yes I did, and?
I have that much means that I die first, before it gets spent.
Gives you certain freedoms.

Show quote history

Indeed.

Scrabbelator · 03/03/2025 17:48

Yes, I would buy it in your circumstances.
How would you feel if decide not to buy, and then see another family living in it? Would you have regrets?

sarah419 · 04/03/2025 10:15

I would def move!! how wonderful to live next to your parents esp in their final years of life. How happy that would make them and how wonderful to feel you can be close in case of emergencies. Also when you start to have your family, how wonderful it would be for your children to grow up next to grandparents. The seaside and the mortgage free are added advantages too x

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 04/03/2025 15:18

sarah419 · 04/03/2025 10:15

I would def move!! how wonderful to live next to your parents esp in their final years of life. How happy that would make them and how wonderful to feel you can be close in case of emergencies. Also when you start to have your family, how wonderful it would be for your children to grow up next to grandparents. The seaside and the mortgage free are added advantages too x

My children are adults, but they will see much more of the great grandchildren 🧡

OP posts: