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Original poster

What would you do? Buy house next to parents!

127 replies

Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 09:01

I currently live in a house where the location is ideal, but I hate the house. I have spent a lot of money making improvements, but I still hate the house. It’s a money pit and it will always need money spent on it. I resent the fact that any spare cash gets spent on the house and I still am not content living in this house. However, The garden and outside space is amazing. The location is perfect, ticks all my boxes. The garden is very sheltered and in the summer it’s a sun trap.

My aging parents (in their 80’s and not in great health) live 10 miles from me, I visit a minimum of twice a week, Lately, I have been visiting more as there has been health issues.
I am an only child so every thing falls on me, which I am fine about.
My parents live in a rural location by the sea so it’s very windy and exposed.
My father has made it clear, that he will never leave this house unless he is in a coffin .

The house next to my parents is about to come up for sale . When is say next door, There is a field between the houses. The elderly man that owns it, is going into a care home. He has been my parents neighbour for 40 years and they have always got on well. My parents will miss him as a neighbour and are concerned about who could potentially move in.

I am thinking about buying his house…

To do so, I would need to sell my house first of all and the gentleman is willing to give me time to get organised so I am getting first refusal.
His house is a small cottage which if I was to buy, I would be mortgage free. I would also have funds from my house sale to put on an extension and completely modernise the existing cottage to meet my needs

The advantages…..
mortgage free, hopefully nice living space, everything new so no financial upkeep for the next 10 years or so. Not driving back and forward to parents.

Disadvantages….
Living next door to parents,
my mum is always on neighbour hood watch. I am not sure if this would annoy me.
The biggest disadvantage for me is the weather, the wind, the driving rain, and even on a sunny day, it’s still very windy. It’s a completely different climate to my house which is 10 miles inland.
I also believe that me being in close proximity, my parents will come more reliable on me.

Advantages for my parents, there are so many. Me moving closer to them will definitely enhance their remaining years. My parents want me to move.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 02/03/2025 09:52

I'd do it. It sounds great. And since everything will fall to you anyway you might as we're close by.

Chuchoter · 02/03/2025 09:55

Realistically, your parents might not be around in possibly ten years time, so do you think you would be settled in that house after they have passed or would the house be an investment, given it's lovely location that you could then move back inland if that is your preference, when they have passed.

I live by the sea and I love it.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/03/2025 09:55

Given the wind you need to take the opportunity to make it as sheltered as possible

I'm thinking an orangerie attached to the house (posh conservatory/library in my fantasy)

Plus (and this is a bit 'out there') wall the garden 8 feet all round but make the end wall Glass so you still see the sea/sunset

Yes, madly expensive but a walled garden like in the Queen Mothers house in Scotland (windiest place on the planet) means she could have a rose garden/kitchen garden and grow veg

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GRCP · 02/03/2025 09:55

Your replies suggest you are leaning towards buying the house - go with your gut!

caringcarer · 02/03/2025 09:59

I'd buy the cottage with amazing sunsets because I love the sea. I know it's cold and windy but for me a conservatory with under floor heating would make it work. I'm in the process of buying a small 2 bedroom house overlooking the sea in North East, so it's very cold but beautiful. Also very close to where DH grew up and he yearns to be back close to the sea.

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 09:59

Chuchoter · 02/03/2025 09:55

Realistically, your parents might not be around in possibly ten years time, so do you think you would be settled in that house after they have passed or would the house be an investment, given it's lovely location that you could then move back inland if that is your preference, when they have passed.

I live by the sea and I love it.

At the moment I see it as an investment. But if I was to settle then it could easily be home for life.

Home for life sounds lovely because my current house is not a home, it’s just house.

OP posts:
3LemonsAndLime · 02/03/2025 10:04

OP, only you can make this decision (obviously!) and it seems you are leaning towards buying it. I agree, from what you have said it sounds like the better option. But before I made up my mind definatively I would take steps to address the negatives you are worried about. As I see them -

  1. Windy/unpleasant microclimate - install underfloor heating, a fireplace, and orangery etc to make your house cosy, and expand it’s footprint, even if outside is bleak.
  2. Potential cost of doing up new house - have a survey done on the house, and possibly even a builder or two in for very rough quotes, so you are going in with eyes wide open as to money you may need to expend on the house.
  3. Privacy - gentle chat with parents to say ‘are you ok with me moving next door, I promise I won’t be over every day, still 2-3 times a week like now, so you must not feel like I am intruding too much, and vice versa of course, I do need space for me and my own visitors and life too. We all want this to work, and the saying ‘good fences make good neighbours’ exists for a reason’. I know you said they are fine with it, but phrasing it this way presents it from both sides and is gentler than just presenting your own need for privacy.

I think getting informed about these things and being (gently) upfront with your parents will mean you’ve done your best to minimise the negatives and set you up for success.

Nothatgingerpirate · 02/03/2025 10:09

NO.
Don't do it, you will end up skivvying for your parents with nowhere else to go.
I'm an only child as well, at 24, I moved to another country to avoid exactly this.
Never regretted a single step.

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:10

3LemonsAndLime · 02/03/2025 10:04

OP, only you can make this decision (obviously!) and it seems you are leaning towards buying it. I agree, from what you have said it sounds like the better option. But before I made up my mind definatively I would take steps to address the negatives you are worried about. As I see them -

  1. Windy/unpleasant microclimate - install underfloor heating, a fireplace, and orangery etc to make your house cosy, and expand it’s footprint, even if outside is bleak.
  2. Potential cost of doing up new house - have a survey done on the house, and possibly even a builder or two in for very rough quotes, so you are going in with eyes wide open as to money you may need to expend on the house.
  3. Privacy - gentle chat with parents to say ‘are you ok with me moving next door, I promise I won’t be over every day, still 2-3 times a week like now, so you must not feel like I am intruding too much, and vice versa of course, I do need space for me and my own visitors and life too. We all want this to work, and the saying ‘good fences make good neighbours’ exists for a reason’. I know you said they are fine with it, but phrasing it this way presents it from both sides and is gentler than just presenting your own need for privacy.

I think getting informed about these things and being (gently) upfront with your parents will mean you’ve done your best to minimise the negatives and set you up for success.

good advice, thank you

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 02/03/2025 10:11

Without sounding depressing I would have one eye on your own old age if you but the cottage. Do all the things now that make it liveable and manageable when you are there potentially on your own in 20 years or so. You'll inherit your parents house, would you want to live there? I see this as amazing opportunity to create a dream retirement home. Any big projects you can't afford now could be financed by your inheritance further down the road?

Winter2020 · 02/03/2025 10:11

Have you looked at what else is for sale locally? If you want to move this house isn't your only option. There might be other properties that you prefer that are still not far from your parents. You describe your house as a money pit but then are looking at a total renovation?

Don't rely too much on the first refusal straight forward sale. It would be pretty natural for your parent's neighbour or their relatives to start wondering if that arrangement was too easy and questioning of they could get more on the open market.

sixtyandfabulousofcourse · 02/03/2025 10:13

Sounds very Heathcliff-y I would be packing my suitcases now
have a survey done
least if parents house will be yours then you can decide what to do with it letting it out especially the area you say would be perfect for hikers and walkers you would make a good income for later years
or long term let or sell but of course if you sell you would be stuck with neighbours which could be a nightmare
if your mum does not go out looking out the window would be all she has to do if you live next door so to speak then just wave to her make her feel happy and wanted life is short

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:14

Nothatgingerpirate · 02/03/2025 10:09

NO.
Don't do it, you will end up skivvying for your parents with nowhere else to go.
I'm an only child as well, at 24, I moved to another country to avoid exactly this.
Never regretted a single step.

I help them quite a bit already, I don’t see it as skivvying at the moment. I just want to make there final years a bit easier.

If I go ahead, I will put down rules and boundaries and hopefully we can be respectful to one another’s privacy and space.

OP posts:
Yuckyyuckyuckity · 02/03/2025 10:14

I'd move, to me a 15 minute drive is already super close anyway so I don't see how it would make a huge difference in the amount you see them if you were to move one field away. Would they expect you to go to theirs every day if you were closer? It would be different if you lived hours away already and had to leave lots of friends etc. Also being able to be mortgage free and have a cute cottage that you have the funds to drastically improve sounds amazing to me! I suppose the weather is a big con but the pros definitely outweigh that for me.

ocelot3 · 02/03/2025 10:18

Two queries. Will they be disturbed by the building works at yours? (I say this with feeling having lived next door to building works that have gone on for months!) And secondly is there a possibility that the field in between could be developed in future and you will end up with an annoying planning battle on your hands?

Helpagirlout222 · 02/03/2025 10:20

Oh yes mortgage free - grab it!!!

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:21

Winter2020 · 02/03/2025 10:11

Have you looked at what else is for sale locally? If you want to move this house isn't your only option. There might be other properties that you prefer that are still not far from your parents. You describe your house as a money pit but then are looking at a total renovation?

Don't rely too much on the first refusal straight forward sale. It would be pretty natural for your parent's neighbour or their relatives to start wondering if that arrangement was too easy and questioning of they could get more on the open market.

I have been watching the market for about 4 years. So I have a good idea what’s for sale locally.

My house is a money pit as prior to me buying it, nothing was done properly and all I have done is fix and maintain previous work. It has been one disaster after another, and even though I have upgraded to a high standard, I resent every penny I have spent on it.

The potential new place, will be done to a proper standard from the beginning. So once it’s done to my specifications then hopefully I will love it, embrace it and settle, rather than feel resentment.

OP posts:
RubyTuesday48 · 02/03/2025 10:23

I'd move like a shot - being mortgage free and not living in a money pit are the biggest pros. You can mitigate the cold and windy weather by doing things to the cottage and making it your forever home.
Agree with pp about getting a thorough survey and builders quotes.
Good luck!

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:25

ocelot3 · 02/03/2025 10:18

Two queries. Will they be disturbed by the building works at yours? (I say this with feeling having lived next door to building works that have gone on for months!) And secondly is there a possibility that the field in between could be developed in future and you will end up with an annoying planning battle on your hands?

No, they won’t be disturbed.
With respects to the small field, it goes with the cottage. It’s green space so no building in it. I could rent it to horsy person or get some goats 🐐 🤣

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/03/2025 10:27

I think it's clear you need to sell your current house.

Whether you move next to your parents or not is secondary.

Downing4packsofharibo · 02/03/2025 10:27

Just to anyone saying 15 minutes nearer is no gain, we moved 15 mins nearer to family (as they were helping us with childcare) and it made all the difference. Popping 5 mins away (or less) is massively easier than our previous 20 min drive. Especially if you have to do it multiple times per day.

Imgoingtobefree · 02/03/2025 10:29

I wonder if your desire to move has been sidetracked by the sudden availability of this property. You mention the location is ideal twice in your opening paragraph. A good sunny garden also seems important to you.

I think you should first start looking for another property that ticks all your boxes. Accept you don’t want to stay in your current house. When you find the right property you should be excited to move rather than should I/shouldn’t I?

Location and a good sunny and sheltered garden should be top of your list. If you are to be truly happy, then the wishes of your parents should not be the deciding factor - unless they coincide with your wishes too.

10 miles is not too far to travel - if you end up staying in near your current location.

Original poster
Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:30

You know what folks, just putting in writing and sharing with strangers has made me realise that this is what I want!
The pros outway the cons
Thank you

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 02/03/2025 10:31

just depends if you can see yourself living there with or without your parents nearby. You’re near enough to see them regularly and your current location is ideal, so I’d be reluctant to lose that. I’m not a fan of rural though and the microclimate would also put me off.

BettyBardMacDonald · 02/03/2025 10:33

Worzelgummage · 02/03/2025 10:30

You know what folks, just putting in writing and sharing with strangers has made me realise that this is what I want!
The pros outway the cons
Thank you

Congratulations! It sounds so exciting!

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