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Original poster

Tell me about your mid 40s accidental pregnancy

79 replies

CrepituErgoSum · 27/02/2025 15:29

This is really for women like me, who have found themselves unexpectedly pregnant in their mid 40s or beyond and decided to continue on with the pregnancy.

I'm finding things very surreal. Currently I'm 20 weeks, 47 years old, absolutely unplanned and had the shock of our lives when we found out what was going on. We already have 2 kids aged 16 & 12.

We've had a lot of testing as I was freaking out about my age but everything has come back normal so far. I can feel baby kicking as I'm sitting here, so I guess he's convinced he's happening anyway! We're pretty stable as a couple and financially etc, have a paid off house, flexible work etc. Overall we're in a better position than many couples to manage an unexpected pregnancy. My main worries are really around mine and baby's health.

I am interested to hear from anyone who had similar, specifically about the later pregnancy/labour - did it follow the same general pattern as with your other kids if you have them? Did you develop any of the dangerous things like GD or blood pressure issues etc?

And then I would like to know how things turned out longer term. Was baby OK health wise? Were you able to breastfeed? How did your family situation evolve? How was it with your older kids? Ours are very positive and excited so far. Did you connect OK with other parents or were they so insanely young you couldn't?

So many questions! :)

OP posts:
YogaLite · 27/02/2025 15:42

Not me but my close friend had her 3rd one in her 40s (43 I think) when her older two were in secondary school. She is now 18 and heading for uni in September.

My friend was studying when pregnant and completed her professional qualifications during that pregnancy. Fantastic family. Some people did think her dad was her grandad when picking the youngest one from school but all turned out well for everyone, beautiful and clever young lady.

YogaLite · 27/02/2025 15:43

PS. The older ones adored the youngest and still do.
Hope all goes well for you 💖

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General pregnancy
Dolambslikemintsauce · 27/02/2025 17:18

My oldest was 25 when I had a ds at 43.2....he is an absolute delight and adores by his siblings. I had him at 35 weeks after they found a blood clot. Absolutely a fluke and not age related they assured me. Bf the next day and home at a week old. Recovered quickly even at my age!

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/02/2025 17:19

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Edited

That sounds unduly pessimistic and there is nothing to say any of that will happen. Not many people need a care home in their 60s, only a small number of people need any social care at all and that's usually at age 80+ when their youngest would be in their 30s at least. And offspring are not required to pay for it in the UK, it is assessed on parental funds only.

Stai · 27/02/2025 17:19

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Edited

I’m sorry your mid-40s pregnancy didn’t turn out how you wanted it. The OP asked for advice on ‘specifically about the later pregnancy/labour - did it follow the same general pattern’, are you able to answer the OP’s question, or are you just scaremongering with your difficult experience,?

Redheadedstepchild · 27/02/2025 17:19

Again, not me but my friend had a 'surprise' daughter aged 44. She had a son who I think was either 17 or 18 at the time. Pregnancy was fine. She told me, "Three pushes and she was out." Mind you, she's from the more German side of Alsace and has that kind of Teutonic toughness.

Beautiful, healthy baby. She's 13 now. Her older brother adored her from the start.

Congratulations OP!

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:26

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/02/2025 17:19

That sounds unduly pessimistic and there is nothing to say any of that will happen. Not many people need a care home in their 60s, only a small number of people need any social care at all and that's usually at age 80+ when their youngest would be in their 30s at least. And offspring are not required to pay for it in the UK, it is assessed on parental funds only.

Show quote history

I doubt there is any 16 year old who wants to hang out with a toddler, let alone someone attending Uni. The truth is that the age gap will be too much for any sort of close relationship to develop. The kids won't have proximity, and without it, a close bond is almost impossible.

As for the care issue, average life expectancy in the UK is late 70s, but most people deteriorate much earlier than that. So needing care is a definite possibility.

I think it would be unfair to gloss over the real issues.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/02/2025 17:28

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:26

I doubt there is any 16 year old who wants to hang out with a toddler, let alone someone attending Uni. The truth is that the age gap will be too much for any sort of close relationship to develop. The kids won't have proximity, and without it, a close bond is almost impossible.

As for the care issue, average life expectancy in the UK is late 70s, but most people deteriorate much earlier than that. So needing care is a definite possibility.

I think it would be unfair to gloss over the real issues.

Show quote history

The OP wasn't asking for a run down of bad things that may or may not happen in the distant future though but for experiences of pregnancy in one's 40s. Your post is at best unhelpful.

YouLookinSusBro · 27/02/2025 17:29

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:26

I doubt there is any 16 year old who wants to hang out with a toddler, let alone someone attending Uni. The truth is that the age gap will be too much for any sort of close relationship to develop. The kids won't have proximity, and without it, a close bond is almost impossible.

As for the care issue, average life expectancy in the UK is late 70s, but most people deteriorate much earlier than that. So needing care is a definite possibility.

I think it would be unfair to gloss over the real issues.

Show quote history

Well my DC are 27, 21 and 6 and they all have a fantastic bond and enjoy spending time together, so yes it does happen!

Lentilweaver · 27/02/2025 17:31

The writer and doctor Luisa Dillner had a long running column in the Guardian about having a surprise baby at 48. May still be on the site.

BananaBubbless · 27/02/2025 17:42

A school mum had her last baby at 47 with a few problems later in the pregnancy but a healthy baby. They are slightly delayed developmentally but have time to catch back up.

She says her main problem is the expense of having older teens and a baby at the same time meaning things are very tight for everyone.

My main concern would be the tiredness and adjusting back to newborns.

Redheadedstepchild · 27/02/2025 17:42

@Chiseltip Life is full of variables. OP is financially secure, lives in a wealthy country, is in a good relationship, has had all the relevant tests etc. Her son is doing pretty well here really, so far, in the lottery of life.

I think you're on a bit of a slippery slope here. Who else shouldn't have babies?

cinnamonbunfight · 27/02/2025 17:47

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:26

I doubt there is any 16 year old who wants to hang out with a toddler, let alone someone attending Uni. The truth is that the age gap will be too much for any sort of close relationship to develop. The kids won't have proximity, and without it, a close bond is almost impossible.

As for the care issue, average life expectancy in the UK is late 70s, but most people deteriorate much earlier than that. So needing care is a definite possibility.

I think it would be unfair to gloss over the real issues.

Show quote history

My sister in law had a surprise pregnancy and had my niece at 44. She has teenage boys who absolutely adore her. Stop generalising and assuming!

Moonflower12 · 27/02/2025 17:49

My surprise is currently sat on the opposite sofa stuffing her face with tortillas. She is 12.

I had her when I was 44. 16 years after her next youngest sibling.
I've found I'm much more patient with her than I was with her siblings. She is adored by her siblings who all happily have to stay etc at their houses.

We live in an affluent area and most of her friends' parents are actually only a few years younger than us- it being the norm to have children later around here.

I had a planned c section with her, as she was breech. It turned out she was turning during the section!

I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine and have a wonderful little baby in a few months.

Crushed23 · 27/02/2025 17:49

Your age isn't the surprising thing (Victoria Coren Mitchell gave birth at 51...), it's the fact you conceived naturally at 47. You're a medical marvel :)

Good luck with everything (and ignore the negativity on MN!)

lilydragon · 27/02/2025 17:52

I had my last a few years ago at 44 (first at 42 and both were planned so slightly different scenario to you) but no issues health wise for babies or me, I had two very easy pregnancies and births with no complications, and recovery was also easy both times. I had elective C sections and was back walking 1-2 miles a few days later, back running and hiking within 6 weeks. I didn't have any issues bonding with other mums but I live in London and it's quite normal in my area and my line of work/friendship group to have babies in your 40s. I also have close friends who I met through my kids that are 10 years younger than me but we don't notice the age difference because we're in the same 'life stage' which probably matters more. Obviously everyone's experience is different and I haven't been a mum for many years already like you have, but I don't feel like I'm more tired or have less energy than any other younger mums - babies and toddlers are tiring regardless but if you're fit and healthy I wouldn't worry.

mintjim · 27/02/2025 17:52

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Edited

Negative Nelly.

Life is precious. Go bother another thread.

TaupeMember · 27/02/2025 17:53

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Edited

What a despicable and unnecessary reply.

Total nonsense.

Dibble135 · 27/02/2025 18:02

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:26

I doubt there is any 16 year old who wants to hang out with a toddler, let alone someone attending Uni. The truth is that the age gap will be too much for any sort of close relationship to develop. The kids won't have proximity, and without it, a close bond is almost impossible.

As for the care issue, average life expectancy in the UK is late 70s, but most people deteriorate much earlier than that. So needing care is a definite possibility.

I think it would be unfair to gloss over the real issues.

Show quote history

OP my mum had me at 43. My sister was 16. They both adored me from day 1. I’m 42 now and we are all really close. My mum is in 80’s now and lives independently with help from us with things like shopping. Everything is going to be wonderful for you x

oldandknackerd · 27/02/2025 18:08

Chiseltip · 27/02/2025 17:13

I don't think it's particularly fair on the child. They won't get to have parents, they will have "grandparents".

But it's done now.

You will need to think about handling a teenager when you're in your late 60s. The age gap means that this one won't have much of a bond with their older siblings. They will both be lost, either to teenage selfishness or uni life, by the time your youngest is a toddler.

And if either you or your DH need care, this will be left up to your two eldest to finance or organise, as your youngest likely would only be early 20s and not in a position to help financially. This would probably make the respective sibling relationships even more strained. With youngest perceived as useless and irrelevant by their older brothers.

Not ideal TBH.

Edited

Agest assumptions or what ?
What a completely ignorant post !
I had DC3 at 43 when my eldest 2 were 24 and 9 and they all have a brilliant bond. I've also known families of siblings with 2 or 3 year age gaps where they can't stand the sight of each other !
Most people won't need care or indeed be elderly and frail in their late 60's .Retirement age is now 67 and I doubt the op will be sitting in her rocking chair and knitting during the teenage years either...
My maths also says that when the op is late 60's her DC will be well out of the teenage years and the child will be well into adulthood ...

DrMauraIsles · 27/02/2025 18:14

Had twins at 43. Older children 15 and 11. They were and still are doted on by older siblings. Have a WhatsApp group and game online together. Older ones give them school and life advice. Only downside is they missed out living all together as Older ones left for uni.

Congratulations to you, I definitely had more patience and experience with the twins

ThirdAidKit · 27/02/2025 21:41

Wish you all the best OP, I hope for my own 40s baby one day!

I'm never clear what the risks are for the baby as you get older. People talk a lot about disabilities being more of a risk as you age, but what sort of things could that be?

Choosealane · 27/02/2025 22:12

i had my bonus baby at 41 - age gap of 9,12,14 - pregnancy was normal and much like the others. They did make me do the diabetic test because of my age but it was negative (like the other 3 pregnancies). Labour was longer but they insisted on inducing me between Xmas and NY - no one quite knew why.

he is a delight and I've been lucky to take this baby era slower and been doing freelance work around him and the others and he only started nursery in Jan now he's 2- the others I went back to work at 4 months.

He's exhausting and extremely special in equal doses. I find I don't sweat the small stuff as I don't have the time compared to when the others were young.

Enjoy seeing it all again - a treat I never thought I'd ever have again.

Choosealane · 27/02/2025 22:15

As for my older kids - I'm sure they rue the day when being made to watch a bit of Paw Patrol but they love the adoration and I can see it growing into a very special bond. It's not ideal lugging a wee baby around after teen's but all cope and the older ones have learnt they sometimes have to come second - not a bad life lesson