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Original poster

Husband has genital warts

79 replies

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 00:13

Without going into detail, I noticed immediately over Christmas and said he needed to get seen. I have zero personal experience of any STDs.

We've been together 13 years and have 2 kids. I haven't been unfaithful and I don't think he has.

He went to the GP and his female GP didn't know what it was so got a male GP in the room who also didn't know what it was. They said it was nothing to worry about.

I wasn't convinced and got him to make an appt at the local sexual health clinic. Having looked at LOTS of images of genital warts online, his looks benign and nothing like the images I've seen but I wasn't happy with the GPs "don't know" and knew it must be something without knowing what exactly.

He went to a clinic during the week and it turns out it's genital warts. He's in his 50s, I'm in my 40s. I don't know what to do now. I've read about it online but it seems to be conflicting info.

Apparently it could have been me that transmitted it without any visible warts but the virus living on my skin, or he could have had it lying dormant for years until he has developed a wart. There are so many variables. And no one knows.

But my worry is what happens now?? Can we have unprotected sex again when his symptoms have gone? Can I give him oral and vice versa?

I wasn't allowed in the appointment with him or allowed to join at the end which I was very angry about because it obviously affects me. He was told, yes it's genital warts, then sent outside to the waiting room to me and we were on our way. He couldn't remember everything he was told and couldn't answer my questions obviously. Apparently we can't have unprotected sex when he has visible warts which he needs to treat. But when there's no visible warts he can still have the virus living on his skin so it could still be transmissible. For fucks sake.

Now I'm left wondering what the hell I do. He's said we can still have sex but with a condom when he has the warts and I'm like are you kidding?? I'd be so paranoid he touched himself then me, or that he had other lesions I couldn't see and asking for a full inspection before we do anything isn't exactly a turn on. What kind of sex life do we have now as a married couple?

I actually can't believe this is happening.

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay2 · 23/02/2025 00:27

You need a blood test to see if you have it

Justbrowsing2024 · 23/02/2025 00:31

Have 3 friends who had it in their early 20s. Was treated. I have not known it to be an issue since. (Its been over 20 years). I'm not aware it reoccurs after treatment?

Paragonfoodie · 23/02/2025 00:33

He could easily have given his permission for you to be in the appointment with him. Why didn't he? I would be wondering why he wouldn't. Ditto why he "can't remember" what was said.
In your situation I would say no sex at all until you know exactly what is going on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Women's health
Letsseeshallwe · 23/02/2025 00:38

Believe what you want to believe...

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 23/02/2025 00:41

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 00:13

Without going into detail, I noticed immediately over Christmas and said he needed to get seen. I have zero personal experience of any STDs.

We've been together 13 years and have 2 kids. I haven't been unfaithful and I don't think he has.

He went to the GP and his female GP didn't know what it was so got a male GP in the room who also didn't know what it was. They said it was nothing to worry about.

I wasn't convinced and got him to make an appt at the local sexual health clinic. Having looked at LOTS of images of genital warts online, his looks benign and nothing like the images I've seen but I wasn't happy with the GPs "don't know" and knew it must be something without knowing what exactly.

He went to a clinic during the week and it turns out it's genital warts. He's in his 50s, I'm in my 40s. I don't know what to do now. I've read about it online but it seems to be conflicting info.

Apparently it could have been me that transmitted it without any visible warts but the virus living on my skin, or he could have had it lying dormant for years until he has developed a wart. There are so many variables. And no one knows.

But my worry is what happens now?? Can we have unprotected sex again when his symptoms have gone? Can I give him oral and vice versa?

I wasn't allowed in the appointment with him or allowed to join at the end which I was very angry about because it obviously affects me. He was told, yes it's genital warts, then sent outside to the waiting room to me and we were on our way. He couldn't remember everything he was told and couldn't answer my questions obviously. Apparently we can't have unprotected sex when he has visible warts which he needs to treat. But when there's no visible warts he can still have the virus living on his skin so it could still be transmissible. For fucks sake.

Now I'm left wondering what the hell I do. He's said we can still have sex but with a condom when he has the warts and I'm like are you kidding?? I'd be so paranoid he touched himself then me, or that he had other lesions I couldn't see and asking for a full inspection before we do anything isn't exactly a turn on. What kind of sex life do we have now as a married couple?

I actually can't believe this is happening.

You need to get yourself tested to see if you have it or not, and you need to consider whether he has cheated on you

StormingNorman · 23/02/2025 00:43

Did he tell the doctor he wanted you in the appointment with him?

it was silly of the clinic not suggest testing you at the same time. Can you go back and get a test done?

ClairDeLaLune · 23/02/2025 00:59

Paragonfoodie · 23/02/2025 00:33

He could easily have given his permission for you to be in the appointment with him. Why didn't he? I would be wondering why he wouldn't. Ditto why he "can't remember" what was said.
In your situation I would say no sex at all until you know exactly what is going on.

Both of these points also struck me. Of course you could’ve gone in with him, it was his choice to exclude you. What is he hiding? Can warts suddenly appear in a not sexually transmitted way? And if not, how did they get there exactly? I smell a rather large rat, sorry OP.

RatherDance · 23/02/2025 01:12

Ok this is honestly the sort of thing you need to actually research vs asking on a forum. Firstly there is no test for genital warts unless you actually have the warts which they can diagnose visually, or during a smear some other forms of HPV can be detected. There is no blood test for ANY form of HPV.

Loads of people have it and are not symptomatic- you can have HPV for years of which there are different types and never know unless something like warts happens.

You probably already have or have had it honestly but your body has fought it off or you are not symptomatic. It can’t harm you it’s just not nice to look at. Other forms of HPV can become more dangerous. Genital warts is not a dangerous strain of HPV.

One or both of you could have had this for a long time and just not had the symptoms.

If you’ve managed to avoid getting it so far i’d avoid sex right now until he’s been treated since the treatment is a massive pain and can take several goes to get rid of them.

Source - an ex of mine had them and told me and it took a good long while to get rid of them. We did have sex in between flare ups as I decided I was ok with the risk of getting them considering they are not dangerous and treatment had got rid of his warts (which then came back a bit). I never got them myself and have been checked since (we are no longer together) including cervical screening for some of the dangerous types of HPV - which I repeat again does NOT include warts.

It’s a bummer and annoying and the treatment is a pain but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise and it does not mean he’s cheated on you as a given. Sure it’s not pleasant but it’s honestly not serious in terms of your health.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/human-papilloma-virus-hpv/

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 01:12

Op you need to prepare for the worst because there is only one way he has caught GW if it is not from you. Get tested and then get to the bottom of how this has happened in the first place.

I am not sure why you are focused on oral sex which is a sick thought, when your marriage may have imploded…

Original poster
twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 01:21

RatherDance · 23/02/2025 01:12

Ok this is honestly the sort of thing you need to actually research vs asking on a forum. Firstly there is no test for genital warts unless you actually have the warts which they can diagnose visually, or during a smear some other forms of HPV can be detected. There is no blood test for ANY form of HPV.

Loads of people have it and are not symptomatic- you can have HPV for years of which there are different types and never know unless something like warts happens.

You probably already have or have had it honestly but your body has fought it off or you are not symptomatic. It can’t harm you it’s just not nice to look at. Other forms of HPV can become more dangerous. Genital warts is not a dangerous strain of HPV.

One or both of you could have had this for a long time and just not had the symptoms.

If you’ve managed to avoid getting it so far i’d avoid sex right now until he’s been treated since the treatment is a massive pain and can take several goes to get rid of them.

Source - an ex of mine had them and told me and it took a good long while to get rid of them. We did have sex in between flare ups as I decided I was ok with the risk of getting them considering they are not dangerous and treatment had got rid of his warts (which then came back a bit). I never got them myself and have been checked since (we are no longer together) including cervical screening for some of the dangerous types of HPV - which I repeat again does NOT include warts.

It’s a bummer and annoying and the treatment is a pain but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise and it does not mean he’s cheated on you as a given. Sure it’s not pleasant but it’s honestly not serious in terms of your health.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/human-papilloma-virus-hpv/

I have researched it. Lots. But the things I've questioned in my OP are the things I haven't found definitive answers for.

OP posts:
Original poster
twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 01:25

To clarify, I was not permitted to go into the appointment with him by the clinicians. There were signs all around the waiting which I didn't see until the door was practically shut in my face by the clinician who called my husband up for his appt.

OP posts:
Devonshiregal · 23/02/2025 01:28

It can lay dormant for years. I had it from a partner and had one wart. Got it burned off fine done whatever. The infection cleared as had it tested to check. Then 10 years later when very run down, it showed up in a smear test. 6 months later had it checked and was showing as negative, it had cleared itself. So it isnt a definite he cheated.

If you’ve been having sex with him it’s very likely you have it already or have had it already but your body has cleared it.. I wouldn’t be overly freaked out. Obviously warts just look unsightly so I get you might avoid til gone.

did they stop you coming in to the check up or him? I think they now usually have a policy of not allowing partners in because of abusive partners preventing patients from speaking freely. It’s a place to spot abuse signs so important.

healthclinics.superdrug.com/what-is-hpv/

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 23/02/2025 01:30

@RatherDance There absolutely IS a blood test for HSV I've had it! It came back saying I'd been infected within the previous 8 months. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and stunned. I was about to become very angry with my other half until the consultant came to the ward (there for something else) and told me whilst there that 99% of people on the planned have the HSV virus lying dormant in their systems and things like stress/pregnancy/viruses can trigger it to occur. Some people never trigger it, some people only trigger it once in their 90s! Some people have outbreaks their entire lives but 99% of us have it in our system.
This was said to me and my DH by an NHS Urologist in December 2014. The blood test determined I'd been infected within the 8 months prior to that day.

So honestly OP, I highly doubt it's cheating.

Original poster
twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 01:30

Also, there is no test for genital warts. It is extremely common with many people never getting symptoms. It is only when warts are present that they can be diagnosed visually. For all I know I could be a carrier who gave it to my husband. It can lie dormant for years before any actual warts appear, if at all. It is highly likely I already have it and I may or not present with warts.

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay2 · 23/02/2025 01:36

There IS a blood test for it

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 23/02/2025 01:36

I had them over 20 years ago in my early 20s (when I was run down). Not pleasant but got them treated and they've never come back and my husband has never had them. I think I remember reading at the time that 1/4 people carried the virus. It doesn't MEAN he cheated. Can all the other posters please calm down?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 23/02/2025 01:37

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring HSV is genital herpes but the ops dh has genital warts, HPV, they are different viruses

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 01:38

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 01:30

Also, there is no test for genital warts. It is extremely common with many people never getting symptoms. It is only when warts are present that they can be diagnosed visually. For all I know I could be a carrier who gave it to my husband. It can lie dormant for years before any actual warts appear, if at all. It is highly likely I already have it and I may or not present with warts.

It he could be cheating on you. Your priority now needs to be getting to the truth op. He could have invited you into the appointment, but he chose not to. That speaks volumes in itself.

You seem determined to remain in denial and to avoid the elephant in the room. I wonder why,

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 23/02/2025 01:42

Op, once the warts have gone just resume your normal sex life. You'll be fine.

SummerFeverVenice · 23/02/2025 01:46

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 01:38

It he could be cheating on you. Your priority now needs to be getting to the truth op. He could have invited you into the appointment, but he chose not to. That speaks volumes in itself.

You seem determined to remain in denial and to avoid the elephant in the room. I wonder why,

Show quote history

No it really doesn’t speak volumes, because he wasn’t given a choice.

You can’t tell with HPV when anyone got it. Hell, he could have caught it from his mother during vaginal birth and this is first time he’s had symptoms. It’s one of those viruses that hardly ever has an outbreak at intial infection.

Uppitymuppity · 23/02/2025 01:47

If you believe what he's told you you'll believe anything, as pp said he could have easily let you be there in the appointment to hear what the results were, and he didn't want you there for a reason, what is the reason?

Herewegoagainz · 23/02/2025 01:53

Book an appointment at a sexual health clinic, you can ask all the questions there. Don’t have sex protected or unprotected until you have spoken to someone.

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 02:00

There are lots of pp very very intent on insisting there is no affair and op must not prioritise finding out the truth. How irresponsible. If he is cheating and has contracted an STD which is more than possible, op has every right to know the truth in full.

Islandofmisadventure · 23/02/2025 02:08

RatherDance · 23/02/2025 01:12

Ok this is honestly the sort of thing you need to actually research vs asking on a forum. Firstly there is no test for genital warts unless you actually have the warts which they can diagnose visually, or during a smear some other forms of HPV can be detected. There is no blood test for ANY form of HPV.

Loads of people have it and are not symptomatic- you can have HPV for years of which there are different types and never know unless something like warts happens.

You probably already have or have had it honestly but your body has fought it off or you are not symptomatic. It can’t harm you it’s just not nice to look at. Other forms of HPV can become more dangerous. Genital warts is not a dangerous strain of HPV.

One or both of you could have had this for a long time and just not had the symptoms.

If you’ve managed to avoid getting it so far i’d avoid sex right now until he’s been treated since the treatment is a massive pain and can take several goes to get rid of them.

Source - an ex of mine had them and told me and it took a good long while to get rid of them. We did have sex in between flare ups as I decided I was ok with the risk of getting them considering they are not dangerous and treatment had got rid of his warts (which then came back a bit). I never got them myself and have been checked since (we are no longer together) including cervical screening for some of the dangerous types of HPV - which I repeat again does NOT include warts.

It’s a bummer and annoying and the treatment is a pain but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise and it does not mean he’s cheated on you as a given. Sure it’s not pleasant but it’s honestly not serious in terms of your health.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/human-papilloma-virus-hpv/

I'm going through this at the moment and have researched the subject to death. The above poster is spot on with everything they say. Please do not listen to the alarmists / sensationalists. Yes, your husband might have cheated but it’s just as (more ?) likely that one or other of you has been asymptomatic for some time.

MarkingBad · 23/02/2025 02:11

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 02:00

There are lots of pp very very intent on insisting there is no affair and op must not prioritise finding out the truth. How irresponsible. If he is cheating and has contracted an STD which is more than possible, op has every right to know the truth in full.

Equally there are quite a few insisting there was an affair, I've seen people accuse a partner of having an affair for the most bizarre reasons on MN, not everthing is an affair.

None of us know, none of us can possibly know what OPs DH has done or not done, OP knows her DH best.

GW is super common and could be from any time, it just happens to randomly show up. It could have been passed on way before he met OP. Who knows but the OP is interested in how to deal with sex and GW not whether her husband is having an affair.

OP if he has GW a condom is no protection but when the symptoms go it's usually fine. I had an XP who decided to tell me he had them after we had sex 🙄I was told by the SHC that the condom wouldn't be affective if he has symptoms but if he hadn't (and he hadn't at the time) I was probably OK.

There are a lot of people on MN who give poor advice or sow seeds of suspicion because they love the drama. You know your DH, we don't

Edited to add I agree that @RatherDance post is really informative.

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