Page 3 | Husband has genital warts

twostarsonerainbow · 2025-02-23T00:13:25+00:00

Without going into detail, I noticed immediately over Christmas and said he needed to get seen. I have zero personal experience of any STDs. We've been together 13 years and have 2 kids. I haven't been unfaithful and I don't think he has. He went to the GP and his female GP didn't know what it was so got a male GP in the room who also didn't know what it was. They said it was nothing to worry about. I wasn't convinced and got him to make an appt at the local sexual health clinic. Having looked at LOTS of images of genital warts online, his looks benign and nothing like the images I've seen but I wasn't happy with the GPs "don't know" and knew it must be something without knowing what exactly. He went to a clinic during the week and it turns out it's genital warts. He's in his 50s, I'm in my 40s. I don't know what to do now. I've read about it online but it seems to be conflicting info. Apparently it could have been me that transmitted it without any visible warts but the virus living on my skin, or he could have had it lying dormant for years until he has developed a wart. There are so many variables. And no one knows. But my worry is what happens now?? Can we have unprotected sex again when his symptoms have gone? Can I give him oral and vice versa? I wasn't allowed in the appointment with him or allowed to join at the end which I was very angry about because it obviously affects me. He was told, yes it's genital warts, then sent outside to the waiting room to me and we were on our way. He couldn't remember everything he was told and couldn't answer my questions obviously. Apparently we can't have unprotected sex when he has visible warts which he needs to treat. But when there's no visible warts he can still have the virus living on his skin so it could still be transmissible. For fucks sake. Now I'm left wondering what the hell I do. He's said we can still have sex but with a condom when he has the warts and I'm like are you kidding?? I'd be so paranoid he touched himself then me, or that he had other lesions I couldn't see and asking for a full inspection before we do anything isn't exactly a turn on. What kind of sex life do we have now as a married couple? I actually can't believe this is happening.

Abhannmor · 23/02/2025 10:44

RatherDance · 23/02/2025 01:12

Ok this is honestly the sort of thing you need to actually research vs asking on a forum. Firstly there is no test for genital warts unless you actually have the warts which they can diagnose visually, or during a smear some other forms of HPV can be detected. There is no blood test for ANY form of HPV.

Loads of people have it and are not symptomatic- you can have HPV for years of which there are different types and never know unless something like warts happens.

You probably already have or have had it honestly but your body has fought it off or you are not symptomatic. It can’t harm you it’s just not nice to look at. Other forms of HPV can become more dangerous. Genital warts is not a dangerous strain of HPV.

One or both of you could have had this for a long time and just not had the symptoms.

If you’ve managed to avoid getting it so far i’d avoid sex right now until he’s been treated since the treatment is a massive pain and can take several goes to get rid of them.

Source - an ex of mine had them and told me and it took a good long while to get rid of them. We did have sex in between flare ups as I decided I was ok with the risk of getting them considering they are not dangerous and treatment had got rid of his warts (which then came back a bit). I never got them myself and have been checked since (we are no longer together) including cervical screening for some of the dangerous types of HPV - which I repeat again does NOT include warts.

It’s a bummer and annoying and the treatment is a pain but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise and it does not mean he’s cheated on you as a given. Sure it’s not pleasant but it’s honestly not serious in terms of your health.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/human-papilloma-virus-hpv/

Sensible post amidst all the hysteria. HPV is the same virus that causes cold sores afaik. My brother got his first cold sore a fortnight or so after losing his virginity. Twenty years or so later he developed genital warts. He is single and has been celibate a few years now. Got it treated anyway. Its not a serious problem but he just found it annoying and unsightly.

Lonelycrab · 23/02/2025 10:57

Abhannmor · 23/02/2025 10:44

Sensible post amidst all the hysteria. HPV is the same virus that causes cold sores afaik. My brother got his first cold sore a fortnight or so after losing his virginity. Twenty years or so later he developed genital warts. He is single and has been celibate a few years now. Got it treated anyway. Its not a serious problem but he just found it annoying and unsightly.

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HPV is the same virus that causes cold sores afaik

No it’s not. Cold sores are caused by hSv not hPv.

Original poster

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 11:08

Abhannmor · 23/02/2025 10:44

Sensible post amidst all the hysteria. HPV is the same virus that causes cold sores afaik. My brother got his first cold sore a fortnight or so after losing his virginity. Twenty years or so later he developed genital warts. He is single and has been celibate a few years now. Got it treated anyway. Its not a serious problem but he just found it annoying and unsightly.

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They are not the same virus.

OP posts:

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 12:31

Abhannmor · 23/02/2025 10:44

Sensible post amidst all the hysteria. HPV is the same virus that causes cold sores afaik. My brother got his first cold sore a fortnight or so after losing his virginity. Twenty years or so later he developed genital warts. He is single and has been celibate a few years now. Got it treated anyway. Its not a serious problem but he just found it annoying and unsightly.

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Your brother has two separate viruses. Warts are not related to cold sores.

Westfacing · 23/02/2025 12:34

Apparently it could have been me that transmitted it...

And who suggested this?

itsnotjustyoumate · 23/02/2025 12:38

I thought it could lay dormant? So he could've caught it when young it doesn't mean he's definitely cheated on op

HÆLTHEPAIN · 23/02/2025 12:51

AngelicKaty · 23/02/2025 02:27

Almost this. 80% of the UK population will have had HPV at some time and most won't even know it. However, I can't agree with your final comment "but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise ..." as about 3.2% of women in the general UK population are estimated to harbour cervical HPV-16/18 infection at a given time, and 79% of invasive cervical cancers are attributed to HPVs 16 or 18. Current estimates indicate that every year in the UK 3,791 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer and 1,121 die from the disease so it's not correct to say HPV isn't, or couldn't, be dangerous to OP's health.
@twostarsonerainbow Sorry OP, but I suggest you make an appointment with your GP to discuss the ramifications for you of your DH's diagnosis and if/when it will be safe for you to resume unprotected sex with him.

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They said that the strain of HPV that causes GW is not dangerous to their health and also acknowledged in the same post you quoted that some strains are.

Abhannmor · 23/02/2025 13:00

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 12:31

Your brother has two separate viruses. Warts are not related to cold sores.

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My mistake...cold sores are caused by a form of herpes not hpv. Still my brother got genital warts , having been celibate for years. Much to his annoyance but thems the breaks.

rwalker · 23/02/2025 13:01

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 01:25

To clarify, I was not permitted to go into the appointment with him by the clinicians. There were signs all around the waiting which I didn't see until the door was practically shut in my face by the clinician who called my husband up for his appt.

It’s standard as they need to full info and people may not divulge everything in front of of there partner
this is no reflection on your DH

no experience on genital warts but presume normal warts are the same I used to get them on my hand as a kid which disappeared and then had a few in my 30’s nothing since

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 23/02/2025 13:03

Devon24 · 23/02/2025 01:12

Op you need to prepare for the worst because there is only one way he has caught GW if it is not from you. Get tested and then get to the bottom of how this has happened in the first place.

I am not sure why you are focused on oral sex which is a sick thought, when your marriage may have imploded…

I know who I think is doing the sick thinking here

Fuckmyliferightnow · 23/02/2025 13:13

There 100% is no blood test for this. That's what smear tests are for. The only other way to be diagnosed is by seeing the warts.
So many people have no clue about this looking at the posts!
Also it doesn't mean anyone has cheated.

Hdjdb42 · 23/02/2025 13:22

My friend had hers frozen off, and they disappeared after 2 treatments. Her boyfriend got checked and he had a couple, they use a condom and they've been fine since. They both were faithful, but she was a virgin so he it's likely he carried it for years.

Lampzade · 23/02/2025 13:32

Paragonfoodie · 23/02/2025 00:33

He could easily have given his permission for you to be in the appointment with him. Why didn't he? I would be wondering why he wouldn't. Ditto why he "can't remember" what was said.
In your situation I would say no sex at all until you know exactly what is going on.

This

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 13:34

Lampzade · 23/02/2025 13:32

This

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Yes but he couldn't have given permission, as has been said several times on this thread, including linking to NHS guidance on appointments. Think how easy it would be for abusive partners to manipulate and access confidential medical information about their victims if clinics didn't insist on partners staying out of the room.

Waystation · 23/02/2025 13:34

It’s not harmless

https://www.cancercenter.com/community/blog/2022/08/hpv-throat-cancer-connection

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 13:37

Waystation · 23/02/2025 13:34

It’s not harmless

https://www.cancercenter.com/community/blog/2022/08/hpv-throat-cancer-connection

From that article -

HPV is a group of viruses with about 200 different variants and subvariants. Most HPV types don’t cause cancer. Some may cause warts on the surface of the skin, while others may cause them to form on the mouth, throat, vagina and anus.
HPV types are categorized in two ways:
Low-risk HPV types are generally those that may cause warts.
High-risk HPV varieties may be more likely to cause cancer.

Islandofmisadventure · 23/02/2025 13:42

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 07:10

I have been on MN a long time. The posters insisting my husband has had an affair is nothing I haven't seen before. I'm not concerned over these posts, nor my husband's fidelity.

As for the clinic and not being permitted to go into the appointment with him, I completely understand why for a variety of reasons. I wish my husband had been made aware of this when he made the appointment though. And perhaps should have been advised on what I should next, e.g. make an appointment myself. I'll phone and speak to them.

There was no freezing of any warts during the appointment. He was given a liquid to treat it himself at home. He also had a blood test and gave a urine sample for a full sexual health check up. He was told stress could have brought on the wart, and that the virus could have been lying dormant for years. There is no way of knowing how long he's had it or who gave it to him. It could have been me for all anyone knows.

There are over 200 strains of the HPV virus. With some more concerning than others. Only some can be vaccinated against. I had no idea about any of this, nor how prevalent it is in society.

I just haven't found it easy to find definitive answers on what we do from now with regards to sex. I have read other people's accounts similar to those on here who have been exposed to it. From what they have said, it sounds similar to me having the cold sore virus. I can have a flare up when I'm run down and I'm vigilant about not doing anything that could expose my husband/children to it while it's active.

I’m so pleased that you can cut through the crap on this thread. The level of ignorance from some posters is, quite frankly, astounding. Heaven forbid they or their loved ones find themselves with symptoms of this incredibly prevalent virus (which there’s a good chance they already have in their systems anyway 🤦‍♀️).

It sounds like your DH didn’t get the best experience at the Sexual Health Clinic. I was offered freezing on the spot and asked about current sexual partners. I would give them a call to ask your questions.

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2025 13:42

A lot of people carry the HPV virus for ages before a wart comes up, or many don't ever get one. Apparently 80% of the population will have it at some point? He just needs to get the warts frozen off. If you two sleep together regularly without one then you probably have HPV also. Just because most types don't even cause warts so you wouldn't know.

Waystation · 23/02/2025 14:09

Glorybox2025 · 23/02/2025 13:37

From that article -

HPV is a group of viruses with about 200 different variants and subvariants. Most HPV types don’t cause cancer. Some may cause warts on the surface of the skin, while others may cause them to form on the mouth, throat, vagina and anus.
HPV types are categorized in two ways:
Low-risk HPV types are generally those that may cause warts.
High-risk HPV varieties may be more likely to cause cancer.

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But as OP is not aware of the type - it’s best to be aware - I totally understand that most won’t cause issues but if it was me I would not want the risk - I’ve seen the result and it’s not worth the risk.

namechangeGOT · 23/02/2025 14:18

My husband has genital warts - well he has the virus, he doesnt permanently have genital warts. We found out shortly after we met over 24 years ago. I have never had them. I think he's had 2 outbreaks - the first one and then about 2 years ago during a very stressful time. He was treated and we just didn't have sex until it had cleared up.

Original poster

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 15:38

namechangeGOT · 23/02/2025 14:18

My husband has genital warts - well he has the virus, he doesnt permanently have genital warts. We found out shortly after we met over 24 years ago. I have never had them. I think he's had 2 outbreaks - the first one and then about 2 years ago during a very stressful time. He was treated and we just didn't have sex until it had cleared up.

Thank you for sharing. Stigma prevents people talking about it which doesn't help the spread of misinformation so hearing others share their experiences helps normalise it.

Apparently my husband did have it frozen during the appointment, it was done twice.

OP posts:

AngelicKaty · 23/02/2025 15:52

Lampzade · 23/02/2025 13:32

This

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Sigh. 🙄 One more time since you clearly didn't read the whole thread: OP's DH could NOT invite her to join him at his appointment. The NHS website states, when attending a Sexual Health Clinic, "You can bring someone with you for support if you really need to, but they will not be allowed to enter the appointment room with you."
Clear now?

StormingNorman · 23/02/2025 16:29

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 15:38

Thank you for sharing. Stigma prevents people talking about it which doesn't help the spread of misinformation so hearing others share their experiences helps normalise it.

Apparently my husband did have it frozen during the appointment, it was done twice.

Show quote history

Agree that if people weren’t so quick to judge there would be more education and understanding around the virus. Unfortunately, people will be too scared to discuss these things for fear of what their partner and others might think.

Glad you’ve found out what you needed to answer your question x

margegunderson · 23/02/2025 17:17

user1492757084 · 23/02/2025 04:00

Isn't there a vaccine now that teenagers get to prevent genital warts? It's called the HPV.

If he were my husband I would go together to see a specialist to both ask questions, gain information, get tested and be vaccinated if appropriate.
I would be insisting on transparency and joint appointments; you are long term sexual partners, presumably monogamous.

Wtf is the point of getting vaccinated when they've already been exposed to/got the virus? The reason the HPV is given in y8 is to catch kids before they're sexually active and at risk. It's a waste of time if given after.

margegunderson · 23/02/2025 17:19

twostarsonerainbow · 23/02/2025 07:10

I have been on MN a long time. The posters insisting my husband has had an affair is nothing I haven't seen before. I'm not concerned over these posts, nor my husband's fidelity.

As for the clinic and not being permitted to go into the appointment with him, I completely understand why for a variety of reasons. I wish my husband had been made aware of this when he made the appointment though. And perhaps should have been advised on what I should next, e.g. make an appointment myself. I'll phone and speak to them.

There was no freezing of any warts during the appointment. He was given a liquid to treat it himself at home. He also had a blood test and gave a urine sample for a full sexual health check up. He was told stress could have brought on the wart, and that the virus could have been lying dormant for years. There is no way of knowing how long he's had it or who gave it to him. It could have been me for all anyone knows.

There are over 200 strains of the HPV virus. With some more concerning than others. Only some can be vaccinated against. I had no idea about any of this, nor how prevalent it is in society.

I just haven't found it easy to find definitive answers on what we do from now with regards to sex. I have read other people's accounts similar to those on here who have been exposed to it. From what they have said, it sounds similar to me having the cold sore virus. I can have a flare up when I'm run down and I'm vigilant about not doing anything that could expose my husband/children to it while it's active.

Getting your own appointment at the SHC would mean you could ask all these questions of the experts.

Husband has genital warts

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