Husband has genital warts

[twostarsonerainbow]

Without going into detail, I noticed immediately over Christmas and said he needed to get seen. I have zero personal experience of any STDs.

We've been together 13 years and have 2 kids. I haven't been unfaithful and I don't think he has.

He went to the GP and his female GP didn't know what it was so got a male GP in the room who also didn't know what it was. They said it was nothing to worry about.

I wasn't convinced and got him to make an appt at the local sexual health clinic. Having looked at LOTS of images of genital warts online, his looks benign and nothing like the images I've seen but I wasn't happy with the GPs "don't know" and knew it must be something without knowing what exactly.

He went to a clinic during the week and it turns out it's genital warts. He's in his 50s, I'm in my 40s. I don't know what to do now. I've read about it online but it seems to be conflicting info.

Apparently it could have been me that transmitted it without any visible warts but the virus living on my skin, or he could have had it lying dormant for years until he has developed a wart. There are so many variables. And no one knows.

But my worry is what happens now?? Can we have unprotected sex again when his symptoms have gone? Can I give him oral and vice versa?

I wasn't allowed in the appointment with him or allowed to join at the end which I was very angry about because it obviously affects me. He was told, yes it's genital warts, then sent outside to the waiting room to me and we were on our way. He couldn't remember everything he was told and couldn't answer my questions obviously. Apparently we can't have unprotected sex when he has visible warts which he needs to treat. But when there's no visible warts he can still have the virus living on his skin so it could still be transmissible. For fucks sake.

Now I'm left wondering what the hell I do. He's said we can still have sex but with a condom when he has the warts and I'm like are you kidding?? I'd be so paranoid he touched himself then me, or that he had other lesions I couldn't see and asking for a full inspection before we do anything isn't exactly a turn on. What kind of sex life do we have now as a married couple?

I actually can't believe this is happening.

Some people on here don't seem to understand how STDs work. Some can lay dormant for years. Many people have HPV and herpes. They can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful but they are not dangerous. I would avoid sex and oral until he has received treatment/not during a flare. You can find lots of information and even YouTube videos on sexual diseases. It's possible you have it but haven't had any symptoms. STDs are more common then people realise and I'm sure many people commenting on this thread probably have them too, even without knowing.

Try not to stress, it's not the end of the world and it doesn't always mean someone has been unfaithful.

Almost this. 80% of the UK population will have had HPV at some time and most won't even know it. However, I can't agree with your final comment "but it is not dangerous to him or you health wise ..." as about 3.2% of women in the general UK population are estimated to harbour cervical HPV-16/18 infection at a given time, and 79% of invasive cervical cancers are attributed to HPVs 16 or 18. Current estimates indicate that every year in the UK 3,791 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer and 1,121 die from the disease so it's not correct to say HPV isn't, or couldn't, be dangerous to OP's health.
@twostarsonerainbow Sorry OP, but I suggest you make an appointment with your GP to discuss the ramifications for you of your DH's diagnosis and if/when it will be safe for you to resume unprotected sex with him.

@Devonshiregal · Today 01:28
"It can lay dormant for years. I had it from a partner and had one wart. Got it burned off fine done whatever. The infection cleared as had it tested to check. Then 10 years later when very run down, it showed up in a smear test. 6 months later had it checked and was showing as negative, it had cleared itself. So it isnt a definite he cheated."
Exactly this. I've been for regular smear tests my whole adult life and they've always been clear. At 64 I've recently had what I was expecting to be my last test and to my astonishment it's come back positive for HPV so I have to have another test in a year's time. I was appalled that I could have "contracted" this at my age, but my GP reassured me that it's most likely it will have been laying dormant in my system for decades and not to worry that I've caught it since my previous smear test.
@twostarsonerainbow Honestly OP, please ignore all these ghastly pps who are determined to have you believe your DH has been unfaithful to you - they are clearly totally ignorant about HPV.

No, he couldn't. The NHS website states, when attending a Sexual Health Clinic, "You can bring someone with you for support if you really need to, but they will not be allowed to enter the appointment room with you."

He couldn't do that. The NHS website states, when attending a Sexual Health Clinic, "You can bring someone with you for support if you really need to, but they will not be allowed to enter the appointment room with you."

I have been around long enough to know directly of pp in real life that have found out their dps were cheating because of this exact reason.

It might be lying dormant, it it might not be! How would any of us know? Op needs to be very thorough and find out.

“I wasn't allowed in the appointment with him or allowed to join at the end which I was very angry about because it obviously affects me. He was told, yes it's genital warts, then sent outside to the waiting room to me and we were on our way. He couldn't remember everything he was told and couldn't answer my questions obviously. Apparently we can't have unprotected sex when he has visible warts which he needs to treat. But when there's no visible warts he can still have the virus living on his skin so it could still be transmissible. For fucks sake.”

What stood out for me with this paragraph is they told him it was gw and sent him on his way. When I went to a sexual health clinic in the UK (admittedly nearly 20 years ago) with genital warts they burned them off there that day. I don’t remember there being another option.

I was lucky, that 1 treatment got them all and never had any indication of them again. A doctor said to me at one point the body usually clears the virus in 2-3 years.

I don’t know. Something about this feels off.

Sheer ignorance.

1. OP's DH could not invite her into the appointment and it's clear from OP's post that the clinician stopped her going in with her DH. The NHS website states, when attending a Sexual Health Clinic, "You can bring someone with you for support if you really need to, but they will not be allowed to enter the appointment room with you."
2. The HPV virus (16 or 18) which causes genital warts, can lie dormant in the body for years. 80% of the UK population will have had HPV at some time and most won't even know it.

Your determination to undermine OP's trust in her DH and her marriage is deeply unpleasant.

@Greygreenblue "What stood out for me with this paragraph is they told him it was gw and sent him on his way. When I went to a sexual health clinic in the UK (admittedly nearly 20 years ago) with genital warts they burned them off there that day. I don’t remember there being another option."
Then your knowledge is 20 years out of date. GWs can also be treated with creams, liquids, and freezing (surgery is also still an option).

You're confusing two different viruses. Genital warts are cause by the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV 16 or 18) and there is no blood test for it. You're talking about the Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) virus and yes, there is a blood test for that.

No, there isn't a blood test for the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). There is, however, a blood test for the Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV). Are you confusing the two?

God there are some vile people on this thread. OP's DH could not invite her into the appointment with him - she even states in her post it was the clinician that stopped her going in with her DH. The NHS website states, when attending a Sexual Health Clinic, "You can bring someone with you for support if you really need to, but they will not be allowed to enter the appointment room with you."

I had a genital wart pop up recently. The doctor at the GUM clinic froze it off. She told me not to worry, it wasn't the same strain that causes cervical cancer and not to worry about avoiding sex with my DH as long as he's ok with it (which he is, clearly he's already been exposed to the virus and he'll either get it, or he's already got it). Anyone with a sexual history that includes other people is likely to be exposed to HPV at some point so I don't see it as anything to worry about personally.

Isn't there a vaccine now that teenagers get to prevent genital warts? It's called the HPV.

If he were my husband I would go together to see a specialist to both ask questions, gain information, get tested and be vaccinated if appropriate.
I would be insisting on transparency and joint appointments; you are long term sexual partners, presumably monogamous.

It doesn't cover all strains of HPV, only the ones that cause cancer. You can't be vaccinated against the majority of them, and there's no point getting vaccinated in middle age when you're already sexually active, that's why they give it to teenagers. Seeing a specialist over a case of genital warts is a massive overreaction.

DH had warts before we were married Avoid sex completely whilst he has symptoms.

My DH had to have his frozen and I was devastated at the time that we'd never have a sex life again if they kept flaring up. However he's never had a flare up since and it's not something we even think about anymore.

I know it's a shock but there is hope and you can go on to have a normal sex life.

Absolutely VILE post that I'll be reporting. 80% of the UK population has had HPV at some time and most people don't even know they've had it. It can lie dormant in the body for years and it's entirely possible that OP's DH contracted it before they were even a couple. Shame on you for being so ignorant.

I have been on MN a long time. The posters insisting my husband has had an affair is nothing I haven't seen before. I'm not concerned over these posts, nor my husband's fidelity.

As for the clinic and not being permitted to go into the appointment with him, I completely understand why for a variety of reasons. I wish my husband had been made aware of this when he made the appointment though. And perhaps should have been advised on what I should next, e.g. make an appointment myself. I'll phone and speak to them.

There was no freezing of any warts during the appointment. He was given a liquid to treat it himself at home. He also had a blood test and gave a urine sample for a full sexual health check up. He was told stress could have brought on the wart, and that the virus could have been lying dormant for years. There is no way of knowing how long he's had it or who gave it to him. It could have been me for all anyone knows.

There are over 200 strains of the HPV virus. With some more concerning than others. Only some can be vaccinated against. I had no idea about any of this, nor how prevalent it is in society.

I just haven't found it easy to find definitive answers on what we do from now with regards to sex. I have read other people's accounts similar to those on here who have been exposed to it. From what they have said, it sounds similar to me having the cold sore virus. I can have a flare up when I'm run down and I'm vigilant about not doing anything that could expose my husband/children to it while it's active.

How would any of us know?

Well exactly. Which is why the PP you replied to was criticising others who are determined to convince OP her husband is unfaithful. How would they know? There's no proof whatsoever that's the case.

This thread neatly demonstrates the worst aspect of Mumsnet IMO. People who, from a place of pure ignorance, will spout their opinions as though they are facts with the direct aim of blowing up someone's marriage or something other part of their life. There are people here telling OP she's in denial, implying she's stupid, telling her she's gullible. And they have absolutely zero evidence that anything untoward has happened. OP could have given her husband the genital warts herself FFS!

So he was given a treatment, a liquid.

Sorry, I don't understand your comment and what it's in relation to?

Ok well maybe you can get in touch with the NHS to let them know and to get them to amend their very clear statement to the contrary on their website which I linked 👌

That poster is confusing HSV and HPV

I've had a read of the NHS guidance and it's clearer to me now than it was when I read it previously. I think I've just needed some time to get my head round it all.

I'm thinking the best course of action is me booking a full STI screening. If it comes back clear for HPV I'll look into getting a vaccine privately. I'll chat through the options with the clinician at my appointment.