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Does anyone else not enjoy going out?

84 replies

callingyououtmrpickle · 20/02/2025 19:06

I'm starting to think im becoming a recluse lol I absolutely do not enjoy socialising ( unless it with my very very small group of friends, but even then I can take it or leave it.

My husband is the opposite, he really enjoys socialising with work people so he can't understand my feeling.

I have a work party on sat and I just don't want to go. Unfortunately I've said I'll go and. Have paid so I will go but I dreading it already.

I never used to be like this, I think it's since I've turned 40

OP posts:
mamabluestar · 20/02/2025 19:16

Absolutely the same!

Sheknowsaboutme · 20/02/2025 19:19

Im 50 and for the last few yrs I’ve hated it. But the menopause turned me against lots of things.

now Sertaline is showing me its nice to go out. Not getting hammered! But a meal and wine and bed before 10.

but i much prefer Netflix and wine infront of my fire

AsanteSana · 20/02/2025 19:21

Likewise! But I am a very quiet, reserved, introverted personality anyway, autistic too and struggle with noisy, crowded places and prefer to spend quiet time, in quiet places, doing quiet things, with quiet people, quietly! You are not alone OP.

LostInAMist · 20/02/2025 19:24

Me! I avoid going out socialising at all. I get out peopled very easily. I'm mid 30's and have been this way forever 😂

BigDahliaFan · 20/02/2025 19:26

Yes…but I 90% of the time go and 90% of the times 8 go I have a nice time. It’s sometimes difficult to get me out the door and a late cancellation by someone else can feel great. But it’s nice to make contacts and have a chat.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/02/2025 19:29

I love going out with my husband or my family. I can't STAND socialising otherwise.

BurntBroccoli · 20/02/2025 19:30

Socialising with work people on a weekend? Absolutely not!

xRobin · 20/02/2025 19:30

Me!
I’m early 30’s and hate going out.
Both me and DP hate it.
We love being at home together or going out with DD for a day trip or long walk somewhere pretty but “out out” is an absolute nightmare.
I hate getting dressed up and drinking and standing there chatting to people about utter shit.

I used to think I was introverted because of that but everyone I meet says how bubbly and infectious I am and how they gravitate towards me to feel happier.

I know it’s actually because I’m a people pleaser and can quickly judge how I need to act around certain people to keep the peace etc. (semi-resolved childhood trauma) but I much prefer to be at home.

babasaclover · 20/02/2025 19:31

Everyone I know is the same. BUT we do enjoy it when we get there after dreading for days. Will you have a good time once out?

Mydahliasareshit · 20/02/2025 19:32

Yes, and not sure how it happened as I was never in until my mid 30s. I think rip-off Britain has a lot to do with it. Pub, restaurant, gigs, all so overpriced and nothing seems to have 'atmosphere' any more...just soulless.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2025 19:34

Yes, isn't it weird?! I spent my early teens not really wanting to socialise that much. Well, just with one or two people. By late teens and into university I used to get upset if I COULDN'T go out and meet loads of people. Was sociable when the kids were small too (think they keep you sociable anyway with all the birthday parties and hobbies etc). Then perimenopause hit and i'm totally back t the way I was in my early teens.

In fact, I think perimenopause has you feeling exactly like a teenager again in lots of ways. Overanxious, paranoid, mood all over the place, feeling like you're not good enough, like you can't cope. Lots of time you just want to be on your own as being with others sounds like hard work. I miss the late teens/early 20s me who never worried about anything but having a good time. Didn't worry about the future, was just happy go lucky. No wonder I liked to go out and meet people, I was open to anything happening instead of just worrying about it all!

But, I have found that I can enjoy things, but in a different way. I much prefer going out for lunch than for dinner, because I'm done and dusted and back home all cosy in the evening and avoiding the craziness of my city on a weekend night. Can't be doing with all that now, even though in my 20s I found it all exciting.

Also, I don't feel like drinking so much, so having lots of drunken revellers in town on a Saturday night acting like idiots just pisses me off.

I do remember some older women at work being like this when I was in my 30s and I couldn't understand it as it would be women I'd really get on with, and who seemed to get on with everyone. I remember a couple of big group parties for reluctant 60th birthday girls! Those particular women tended to always make excuses when there was a group outing suggested. But I get it now!

I'm convinced it's an evolutionary thing. No-one would have ever found a mate if they were too antisocial to even leave the house. There's a natural urge to go out and socialise in your late teens and early 20s, I think.

MyUmberSeal · 20/02/2025 19:36

I hate going out too. Absolutely on board with how you feel. Arranged to go for dinner with a friend last October but i cancelled and made up some bullshit story to get out of it. We rearranged for December because she was keen and lovely about it, came to the day, didn’t want to go and by a stroke of luck she messaged to say she had a kidney infection and would have to postpone. It was a happy moment for me. Have not rearranged, and don’t want to. Home is the best.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2025 19:36

BigDahliaFan · 20/02/2025 19:26

Yes…but I 90% of the time go and 90% of the times 8 go I have a nice time. It’s sometimes difficult to get me out the door and a late cancellation by someone else can feel great. But it’s nice to make contacts and have a chat.

It’s sometimes difficult to get me out the door and a late cancellation by someone else can feel great.

Yes, this is me. I am always just a bit late for social events. I procrastinate about getting ready for them so much.

CatteryCatss · 20/02/2025 19:36

I’m the same. I don’t enjoy going out as much as I did a few years ago. Everything costs too much money, which is becoming more difficult for me to justify.

We tend to host at home these days. My friends and I will be having a games night in two weeks time, which we’re looking forward to. It’ll be much more laid back than going out!

ssd · 20/02/2025 19:43

I really need to be forced to go out

MonkeyTennis34 · 20/02/2025 19:46

Haha to a late cancellation being a blessing! I can completely relate to this.

Much, much, much prefer staying in with DH, DCs and the dog.

The choice of quality tv series to watch has never been better too!

LilacPony · 20/02/2025 19:48

Completely the same too!

LittleRedRidingBoots · 20/02/2025 19:49

Me too, but DH loves socialising which makes me feel bad...

I get drained so quickly from socialising and honestly sometimes need days to 'recover'.

JaneBoleynViscountessRochford · 20/02/2025 19:51

Yes I will admit to being one of those people who often flake out and cancel on things. I’ve always hated socialising, I am terrible socially and struggle to make conversation, I just don’t know what to say, couple that with increasingly bad hearing and it just makes going out a total pain in the arse.

Ilikepianos · 20/02/2025 19:51

I'd say I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I used to be such an extrovert now more average.

It's partly different habits since covid, being tired, not liking how I look as much, not being able to drink for health reasons, and just feeling like I can't be bothered with people I don't know.

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/02/2025 19:52

DilemmaDelilah · 20/02/2025 19:29

I love going out with my husband or my family. I can't STAND socialising otherwise.

@DilemmaDelilah

why?? Genuinely curious!

Nothatgingerpirate · 20/02/2025 19:57

Same, not socialising at all, unless you count extended family twice a year.
I'm 46 but been like this since childhood, just "masked".
Husband is similar, so all good!

Buzyizzy21 · 20/02/2025 19:59

I’m the same. You are not alone.

BlondiePortz · 20/02/2025 20:01

I am fine in day time but no even on holidays we mainly stay in on the evenings

Eyerollexpert · 20/02/2025 20:01

@DilemmaDelilah
this is me my kids are older so to go somewhere with them I love it, coffee with friends great but anything else I swerve. My sister both very sociable but I would rather be at home with my dog!