Does anyone else not enjoy going out?

[callingyououtmrpickle]

I'm starting to think im becoming a recluse lol I absolutely do not enjoy socialising ( unless it with my very very small group of friends, but even then I can take it or leave it.

My husband is the opposite, he really enjoys socialising with work people so he can't understand my feeling.

I have a work party on sat and I just don't want to go. Unfortunately I've said I'll go and. Have paid so I will go but I dreading it already.

I never used to be like this, I think it's since I've turned 40

I’ve been to one work social event since before lockdown, which confirmed I can’t be arsed making the effort to socialise and be nice to people I wouldn’t normally choose to spend my leisure time with! I don’t mind going out for dinner or a couple of drinks with my Bf or a close knit group of friends but big events have always filled me with fear and I think peri menopause has made it worse. I’m one of those introverted extrovert type people - fine in small groups where I can be myself but the opposite at big events and things like “mingling” at conferences.

JaneBoleynViscountessRochford

I am the same I find small talk very hard. After a few mishaps where I put my foot in in, trying to make small talk (I didn't know the people well) I have lost confidence in mixing with people.

I find it hard to hear in busy places as well. That and my anxiety about saying the wrong thing, mean I am delighted to get home from an event. Obviously I will go to a big event if it seems rude to refuse e.g. wedding.

I can just about tolerate going for dinner at 6pm with close family or one or two friends. I need to be back home by about 10 pm or else I can't switch off and the following day is wasted with tiredness. I am fine staying up late watching tv/reading!!

I am 52 and I have been getting more antisocial in recent years as jobs have become busier, I sm full time.

I like to eat out with my partner or his family but that's it. Can't stand other people plus social anxiety.

I’m the same

Since COVID (when I also turned 40) I can't really be bothered with crowds and busy situations. It's always a hassle. I still go to the football, gigs, nights out, but I don't really look forward to them.

I'm the same, I'm exhausted after peopling at work and just need to recharge, as I've got further into my 40s I've got less energy so draining quicker and take longer to charge.

The problem with threads like this is that generally only the "I hate going out with other people" will respond on these types of threads so it becomes an echo chamber.

I love going out and even more so after menopause, just to redress the balance.😊Not to pubs or clubs, but I like going to theatre, comedy and the cinema. With DH or other people or on my own.

I dont like weddings or large parties but I hope to be going out till I am 90!

@LuckySantangelo35 I am autistic, and shy, and worried about saying/doing the wrong thing, and I don't really drink alcohol any more, and I have lots of food dislikes - so it's all a bit traumatic unless it's with people I know really well and love. I adore my husband and he knows all my quirks. My family now realise I'm autistic and allow me to be myself.
The last work Christmas do I went on was probably at least 10 years ago and was at a Mexican restaurant. I can't stand chilli, avocado, chimi churri, fancy salads etc. I ended up with a plain steak and nothing else. The salad was rocket and other yucky stuff, all drizzled with balsamic vinegar which I also don't like. I dont know if you can imagine the comments on my food choices and the fact I wasnt drinking alcohol - havent been on a work Christmas do since....

Yes, and Mn is populated by a disproportionate number of people who never answer the door and regard a wedding invitation as an act of war, anyway.

I’m a bit the same but make myself do it because I then have the joy of coming home and that’s the best feeling, I’m the same with holidays the coming home is the best bit and my house feels all new and shiny.

I like going out with my partner, kids and close friends but I don’t bother socialising with acquaintances much anymore as I just don’t enjoy it. I prefer being around people I’m really close to and trust and can be myself with, it doesn’t seem like an effort then.

I adore socialising but in a quiet pub, or a cafe, or a friend's house. When I go out lately, everywhere is rammed/oversold, massive toilet queues, expensive and naff food.

I'm 40.

Yes to this.

I was reading this thinking yes this is me. I used to be a social butterfly and was out more than i was in.

Late 30s i slowed down but through my 40s would still happily go out once a month for a piss up meal out.

Nowadays everything is so expensive though! And ... shite to be honest. As pp says above.

The cost of a taxi, the cost of the food, the cost of the drink. IF you can get served ... Places seem to be physically cold, operating on a penny pinching budget trying to stay afloat. Giving out the minimum for each £ coming in. No their fault but it doesn't make for a fun night out.

Plus i'm just more of a grumpy ''it was better in the old days'' old moo now 😂

Depends what it entails. I can't stand going for meals or drinks, because apart from with a handful of people, I don't want to chat for more than an hour. But i love to dance, hear live music, theatre, walks, and going to see things, and like to do those things with other people, chatting in between.

One thing i hate is socialising in friends houses, i spend enough time in my own house, if i go out i want to go OUT.

I've always hated this. Worst of all worlds. All the effort of changing out of your comfies, going out in the cold, sitting there semi politely rather than loafing about, taxi home. And not even the compensation of being somewhere exciting with music and different people.

What I hate about going to friends houses in that there is no cut off time for leaving. They are cosy at home so they will encourage us to stay late. I have been at friends houses til 3am and it makes me not want to visit anyone in the evenings at all.

At least in a pub or restaurant the staff will close up at a certain time. I know drinks are dear but you are paying for the boundaries re leaving times. Also the friend are not so keen to have a late night out when we are all in a pub or restaurant.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you can't politely say to your hosts at say, 10.30 or 11pm that you have had an early start that day or have an early start the next day and that you need to be going home.

It really, really isn't that difficult.

It is much easier leaving someone else's house than trying to kick out guests who are overstaying their welcome.

I'm afraid it is on you to decide when you go home. There is no need to be rude, just politely assertive.

Not me. I love going out. I’ll go to the opening of an envelope. I’m 57.

I realise that this makes me some sort of freak on MN.

You a nd me both. I have joined a couple of hobby groups and a fund raising charity so that I can get out of the house.

Well it is a thread looking for those types of responses specifically though isn’t it? OP is asking if anyone else feels the same as her and people who do are responding so not sure what the problem is. Not everyone likes socialising, it isn’t exactly a big revelation.

Sorry to hone in on this in particular but the way it's phrased made me wonder.
Does this mean you haven't gone out since October? And your poor friend having a kidney infection ☹️

To answer the original question, ideally I'd like to see friends twice a week. So I can manage one evening and then some time at the weekend. We've got a couple of nice local places to go here. I wouldn't want a busy pub, but I don't think pubs are busy post Covid anyway. They all seem very quiet where I live.

But people are talking here as if socialising involves seeing people they don't like? To me, socialising means seeing my friends.

I am confused.

Please don't make any more arrangements to see friends if you are going to cancel. It is a shitty thing to do.

There are loads of threads on MN from posters complaining about flakey friends. Don't be that ex friend.

Yes. I am usually on all those threads baffled by people who keep flaking
😊
The friend having a 'stroke of luck' with a kidney infection is particularly unfortunate phrasing.

If you don't want to go anywhere, please be frank and say so.

I will only add that eventually kids leave home and husbands may leave or become recluses. Am glad I kept up my hobbies now DC are grown.