School Holidays, what’s the answer?

[HoliHelp]

DD1 started school in Sept, DD2 is in the attached pre-school.

DH works full time with a 1.5 hour commute and 5 weeks holiday.

I’m self-employed, working 4 days a week from home, very flexible but have to be around for meetings and meet my deadlines.

For the first 3 lots of school holiday each week we’ve used holiday club on 2 days which only runs from 9-3, my standard day off is fine, then 2 days of just juggling it popping into grandparents for an hour or so if I have a call I need to join. Then the 15-20 hours odd that I’m short I’m making up in the evenings and weekends.

DH has taken one day off per school holiday for a family day out. As he’s worried about running out of holiday, we usually use 2 weeks for visiting family, 1.5 week for a holiday, leaving around 5-10 days for anything else (he’s expected to book holiday for sports day, Christmas play, etc).

Im completely worn out and drowning. My work is being impacted, my mothering is being impacted, my marriage is being impacted. I feel like no one is getting the best of me and I’m trying into an awful person.

Is there some sort of magic solution I’ve not thought of? Or just some solidarity to help and pick me up a little?

To avoid drip feed and ‘more holiday club’ suggestions: DD1 is physically disabled, we are VERY lucky that her support worker at school works at a holiday club 1-2 days a week so they’ll have her on those days only. They cannot accommodate her needs on the other days.

@HoliHelp How much school holiday childcare is he currently doing alone?

People are questioning it because that would have been the obvious solution to solve most of the issues but the way it's listed (the 5 days for day trips, a huge amount for holidays/ family visits) suggests it had not been considered. If he is reluctant to do it then people can advise for that situation.

So no, he doesn’t take time off to solo parent.

That would make a big difference. So in the summer you go to see you family (he can come for a long weekend) and he works. Then he takes a week off to parent while you work.

You need to be a parenting team, not you are the default parent and he is just a helper.

If the one day a week parental leave doesn't work out, could DH take a week parental leave and use it for a holiday then freeing up a week's annual leave to take as needed?

Sounds to me like he only takes days off when you are also off.

I take the OPL (unpaid parental leave). It's the absolute only way I can do it as a single (widowed) mum.

We are all entitled to 16 weeks up to the age of 18 - with a total of 4 weeks allowed maximum in a one year period. The weeks have got be taken as a 7 day block each time.
I take at least 1 or 2 per year. As they are unpaid I try and use them during months where there's less spend - this Feb half term for instance.

Once they are a bit older and in secondary school it's a little easier so you've only got 6 more years of this stage so try not to panic.

Yes, this is clearly the issue. DH doesn’t use holiday to cover childcare.

Sounds like she's doing it all while he's building his career.