If you're middle-aged (late 40s/early 50s), where are you in life?

[BB49]

Are you content with how life has been for you so far? Any regrets? Do you have any major plans for the next few years?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My DC are secondary school aged so I still feel like I'm pouring all my energies into them and the family and the dogs and daily chores. I regret not studying medicine and becoming a doctor, not doing a gap year after school, and not getting the chance to live abroad, but never say never to the latter. I am fortunate though for a lot of things.

Early 50s here. Broadly content. Married to a lovely man after disastrous first marriage ended 20 years ago. Have good job, nice house, small mortgage, financially comfortable, not wealthy. One dc who didn't finish uni but has nevertheless landed a graduate job with a household name company and is doing well, very proud of him. Lives in London with lovely girlfriend, all good.

However, work has been a rollercoaster and exhausting, so all job motivation flew out the window approx 2 years ago and never returned. I'm absolutely just going through the motions and dream every day of retiring. DH also unsettled in work which is causing some instability and anxiety as he has a tendency to just hand in his notice without discussion... We don't really like where we live but are stuck here as I don't want to be too far from ageing DF. Perimenopause has been rough at times (not helped by job stuff) but HRT is finally doing its thing.

I have many regrets but none big enough to worry about. I'm definitely not unhappy (and indeed count my blessings daily) but I feel as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, iykwim? A bit in limbo, but not sure why.

Sorry - I should have mentioned, cancer and covid might have royally fucked us over financially but we have raised independent kids who are capable of supporting themselves through Uni. If I pop off soon enough, DH should be okay with my life insurance. If I don't, we're totally fucked as I'll never be afforded life insurance again.

I haven't just sat about waiting to die, after we lost the business (thank you Covid 19 and lockdown) we'd worked to build for over 11 years (hospitality based), I've gone back to uni to get my masters.

Cancer, perimenopause and other ailments kick my ass on occasion but hey, it could be worse!

Wow. @ChocoChocoLatte I am sorry to hear about the misfortune but I love how kickass your response has been . And raising resilient independent kids is no mean feat

Full of admiration for your strength and outlook @ChocoChocoLatte. Wishing you and your family all the best.

I’m 50 and like to think that if my teenage self could see me now, she would be reasonably impressed!

I trained as a musician and got a good degree in Music and am lucky that I still work in the arts, unlike many of my uni classmates who couldn’t get work. I am in a supporting/administrative role rather than making a living from my own singing (my first study) but love my job nonetheless. I work with really high-profile musicians and have had some incredible experiences, including getting a really good seat at the Coronation.

I married my teen boyfriend and we are still happily married. He is a successful medic.

We have two wonderful children who are happy, healthy and succeeding in life. My son is at Cambridge where he is a choral scholar. My daughter is in 6th form and hopjng for a place at Oxford for Earth Sciences - she is working hard for her A levels and doing well, so fingers crossed.

In terms of regrets, nothing major. I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I’d had more relationships/wider sexual experience. Ultimately not a good trade off for the love, support and stability I’ve enjoyed though. We are not as financially comfortable as I would have expected us to be. We borrowed heavily during the COVID years to renovate our old wreck of a house. Interest rates are now hitting us hard and the house is still a long way from finished.

Overall, I’m content, I know that I’m lucky and I’m really grateful.

my regret is believing in teen love, I stayed with my first love and now we are in a loveless relationship with 2dc. Many times in my 20s I meet other men that I felt attracted to but due to inexperience and nerves I never made a break, it wasn’t that it was awful it was just going along. In my late 20s I discovered that he liked to dress in women’s underwear which he told me was sexual only. In my 30s I realised that he enjoyed dressing as a women fully when I wasn’t at home (secret). I tried to be cool and accept this, well I thought that’s what you are meant to do so they feel accepted. A few years later I’m pregnant. I regret not being honest and saying actually this isn’t who I thought you were, I find it a turn off, but the biological clock is ticking and I always, always wanted to be a mum, I blocked it out of my mind. He was a great father (I say was because 5/6 years ago he stopped supporting or parenting with me). We still live together with the kids but I have no personal money or available credit as I am a sahm. I think about every single day lately of the teens years that I missed due to believing in teen love, the excitement of new love, new lips to kiss, butterflies etc I feel duped into being with him as he didn’t tell me the truth about who he was early in the relationship. Sorry this was a long one.

I’m mid 40s, no children and single but probably the happiest I’ve ever been - I know myself better and my mental health is decent and also financially ok which helps. Don’t get me wrong, I feel at times like I’ll never meet someone but for now, I’m just living my life and doing things I want to (travel etc).

50, mostly happy but sometimes feel hemmed in. I am envious of my 18 year old with the world at his feet. Married 21 years, working 2 part-time jobs and with three kids at home. We are looking forward to retirement in 10 years when youngest will be 21. Worried about getting the children through their teen years successfully and about ageing parents who are all a long distance away. Mostly feeling like I have to keep running on the treadmill of work, house, clubs, being a taxi, despite feeling knackered .

Good- happily married, two lovely children (one at uni, one doing A levels), financially secure and aiming to retire in 5 years, (I’m 50).
Lots of new interests, especially in the natural world.

Bad- I’m overweight and can’t shift it even with the jab. Didn’t get as far as I would have liked in my career due to time as a sahm and that ship has now sailed- mixed feelings here as I don’t regret the choice I made, just seems a bit rough to have had to choose. But am making peace with all that.

49 - married to my high school boyfriend. 2 teenagers who are the highlights of my life. Both likely to go on to university so savings hard.

Degree educated in a professional role for the NHS. Took me a while and lots of extra work and study to get me to a place where I enjoy my job. I can see myself in this role until I retire. Aiming for partial retirement at 60 and full by 62.

Financially not to bad thanks to a small inheritance. Both working full time. Small mortgage. Have previously prioritised overpaying but just now prioritising savings for house and increasing pension savings.

Reasonably fit at present. More weight than I would like but it’s slowly going down. No real menopause symptoms yet.

Sole carer for my mum. She’s not bad yet but I know how quickly my dad went from good health to not so it is a worry. In-laws also a worry but trying not to get too involved.

Relationship is main concern. I do the lion’s share of housework, all gardening, pay more than my fair share of bills, all financial planning, school administration. It’s exhausting. He doesn’t listen when I raise it. Insists everything is equal or suggests a compromise to keep me quiet. Otherwise we get in ok, have some interests in common. Breaking up would have huge consequences for teens and finances. Deciding if outsourcing some of the work is the way to go..,

I’ve been through that, fuck what have I done with my life stage, and gradually got much happier with who I am. Menopause helped immensely. I think the ‘don’t give a fuck’ kicks in as your caring hormones go.

im also working out I can do and what I want todo not what’s expected of me. I’m also getting stronger going to the gym.

mid 50s and pretty content with life, it’s not been easy and some points in my 40s were super hard, but I got through it.

I’m 49. My biggest regret is not going to Uni as so many careers that have interested me as an older person require you to have a degree. I also wish I’d chosen a better partner, not one that left me to raise children as a single parent and because of that limited my earning and working power.

However, the things I’ve loved about it my life are the travelling I’ve been able to do and friends I’ve met that enabled me to do so more cheaply.

I had my four children young, which although has meant I never got a good start with a career or onto the housing ladder they are now pretty much grown and I’m seeing my freedom return as a single person - eldest is 27 this year and youngest 15 and about to do GCSEs.

I have got a career in early years, I did my L5 but unfortunately the sector is just very low paid so I’m not earning as much as I’d like to be at this stage in my life. I’m still reliant on UC top ups despite working full time which isn’t great.

I have a council property so feel as secure as I can be without actually having bought a house.

Looking to the future, I would love to start working on writing again - I have written novels but would like to focus on getting an agent and published. I’d like to do a bit more travel while I’m able to. Physically I’ve had some knee issues in the last few years so need to work on improving this as it can be uncomfortable when working with young children. Other than that I feel like it’s a little of the unknown. I had my first child at 22 so I was barely an adult before I was raising a family so haven’t actually been an adult with no responsibility yet!

I'm 50 with children at secondary school. I work 80% as an administrator and wish I'd focussed on establishing a career when younger. I kind of partied a lot and just drifted, which I regret.
Having said that I'm very happy wirh my life. I still spend on a lot of energy and time on the family and house chores (which is exhausting when perimenopausal) but life's good. DH earns well so we live a comfortable life.
I feel very lucky and thankful for what we have.

Life has thrown me curve balls. (Early 50s.) I am very financially secure and also have a good career, but much of the security has come from being widowed…which, I’m ashamed to say, was not as challenging or distressing as being my husband’s carer in his final years.

Adult children are grown, establishing themselves and secure, two still at school doing well. Now living with new partner and stb step children and getting married in the Autumn.

I regret not learning to be assertive younger but overall I’m very happy.

Secure senior management job in public sector. Work 0.85FTE.
Just celebrated silver wedding.
Two teens, one about to take GCSEs.
Mortgage paid off.
Carer for DM (82, frail now after cancer, chemo and long covid)
DH job secur-ish.
Health is ok, teeth are terrible after hyperemisis in both pregnancies.
Could lose a stone or 2.
Looking forward to retirement in about 10 years time.

56
Married for 30 plus years
Mortgage paid off
Two adult kids with their own mortgages now and no more kids at home
Working full time but sadly not in a well paid industry, despite my relative seniority
Fairly happy with most of my life choices

Late 40’s
Been with partner for 20 years
One DS about to start school
Earn 200k WFH
Mortgage paid off
Healthy pension pot saved
Will retire before DS starts secondary school
Pretty content with life

Late 40s
Two adult DDs who are absolutely amazing and smashing their stage in life
Full filling career I’ve worked hard to get in the last 8 years
Mortgage paid off
Happily married for the second time - I appreciate every day with him
Holiday +4 times a year
Look back fondly at life, I had a career in my 20s that gave me lots of travel and great opportunities in future jobs
Overall I’m very content with where I am right now

I suppose I am semi retired at 53 really. I do SE Freelance work which brings in enough money, especially as DH earns well.
We have one DD at Uni and one who is 16. Without The Uni costs we would probably both retire at 55 but its more likely to be nearer 60, although an inheritance could change that. We will sell our house and buy a small flat somewhere in The UK and then mostly travel around Europe in a camper van
We both really enjoy our jobs and neither are especially hard so there is no urgency to stop working and I doubt DH ever will in some capacity as he does something linked to his job as a hobby.
I think I might like a better social life with more friends but for a variety of reasons thats not possible.
Pretty happy really

I’m 52, married for 30 years and have 3 grown up children who are all fabulous!! I taught for many years, but got a bit burnt out and didn’t work for a few years. However, I’m now back in school and managing reasonably well. Mortgage has only 6 months left. All is well.

I’m 49. I’m not where I envisaged but I suppose it’s ok. Mostly happily married for 17 years with 3 lovely kids. Decent house in a decent area but in the NE, so not worth a massive amount but not much left on the mortgage either and the relatively cheap mortgage has meant it wasn’t too much of a struggle to give up work when I became chronically ill.

The chronic illnesses have had an impact though and means I’m dependent on my husband financially, and somewhat emotionally, which I find scary. We just have to plod on though and hope for the best!