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If you're middle-aged (late 40s/early 50s), where are you in life?

121 replies

BB49 · 12/02/2025 14:10

Are you content with how life has been for you so far? Any regrets? Do you have any major plans for the next few years?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My DC are secondary school aged so I still feel like I'm pouring all my energies into them and the family and the dogs and daily chores. I regret not studying medicine and becoming a doctor, not doing a gap year after school, and not getting the chance to live abroad, but never say never to the latter. I am fortunate though for a lot of things.

OP posts:
Resilience · 12/02/2025 16:07

💐 flowers for everyone feeling less than content with their lot. I bet every single one of you has reasons for why you're where you are and you shouldn't be ashamed of any of it - especially if it's been because you've been raising children, caring for others, been badly let down or faced barriers such as lack of money, etc.

I'm 49. Very content with my lot. Nearly 20 years ago though I became a homeless single parent to 4-month-old twins thanks to domestic abuse. The comeback from that was hard and slow and very delayed. For the first 5 years it was all about survival. As things started to improve I started reflecting on my life and future and had something of an early midlife crisis. It led me to take a big gamble and retrain. It paid off and I've trebled my income and have a successful career.

However - and I cannot overstate the importance of this - I was able to achieve this because I had several advantages many people don't have.

Firstly a good education that opened the retraining door. I didn't need to get an access course or anything first. That gave me options.

Secondly a network of friends that allowed me to cover childcare at antisocial hours (my chosen career involved shifts). I don't have family so without these wonderful people I could not have done this.

Thirdly, items of value I could sell which subsidised my income for a few years. Without that my change of career would not have been viable as it was unaffordable to feed the kids and pay my bills on the training and starting salary.

Meanwhile, my X, who physically abused me and has never really done more than the bare minimum job wise, was able to afford holidays and all sorts without any real sacrifice to his life whatsoever. He never paid maintenance and hasn't actually seen his DC since they were 2.

It taught me many things. Where you are in life has as much to do with circumstances as it does hard work and determination and women (and the occasional man) have additional barriers because they retain the bulk of caring responsibilities.

All that said, however, if you want to make a change, and can, it's never too late. My latest career change was at 46. Someone I know did it at 55 and I went to university with someone in their 70s!

Contentment IMO comes down to feelings of fulfilment and being valued. Many of us mistakenly equate that to a fancy job title or salary, but it doesn't have to be at all. Volunteering or a hobby you become good at is just as valuable. What it does require though is the capacity to carve out a bit of time to put yourself first. If that doesn't exist, some bigger questions need to be addressed.

tobee · 12/02/2025 16:37

I'm not really where I want to be in some ways; I'm sick of my terrible indecisiveness, my procrastination and my low self esteem. I'm probably getting worse!

But, other than that, I'm fine and dandy! 😃😬

tobee · 12/02/2025 16:38

tobee · 12/02/2025 16:37

I'm not really where I want to be in some ways; I'm sick of my terrible indecisiveness, my procrastination and my low self esteem. I'm probably getting worse!

But, other than that, I'm fine and dandy! 😃😬

Oh yeah I'm 57 next month.

That does seem old.

Islasanktklara · 12/02/2025 16:39

Mid 50s
I’m fairly content in my personal life, lovely partner of 10 years, but desperately wish I’d been more ambitious professionally. I was promoted several times (NHS) but caring responsibilities (toddler and new baby, mother with dementia and very ill father) meant I asked to be demoted as just couldn’t put the time in at work. Consequently I’m fairly junior at work but very experienced and am really struggling with the physicality of the job. Most folk my age are now more office bound and sedentary. Luckily I’ve been able to flexi retire because of long service although I still have to work to top up my pension. It’s certainly not gold plated !
Youngest son flying academically, predicted great A’levels and aiming high for a top uni.
Oldest son struggling to get any kind of employment post uni. Now working as a volunteer in a charity cafe hoping to make himself more employable.
We only live in a terrace in a bit of a grotty town in the NW, really quite depressing. Was hoping to move back over the Pennines once my youngest is at uni but tbh unless we do it soon we’ll be priced out of the nicer areas. Studied languages at uni after school and badly regret not moving abroad but it is what it is and we can still travel there.
Had some health issues (long Covid) and not as fit as I was a few years ago, but I’m just happy that I’m with a partner who’s supportive and respectful, great sense of humour.

ValentineValentineV · 12/02/2025 16:44

I am 55 and have been retired for three years, I have three grown up DC and have been married for 30 years. I don’t have any major regrets and am fairly content. My friends are a big part of my life, I gave a nice house, life style and no money worries.

TheZingyFish · 12/02/2025 16:49

Bought a small house in ok area in my late 20s on my own, had good career in education with very high potential to become a headteacher by mid 30s.

Currently just turned 50, am in same house but area isn’t so great, and lots of the local houses have been sold for buy to let. Education dominated my life so have no partner or children but did have two breakdowns which meant I took extended time out now have barely any savings. I am no longer in education and whereas a lot of friendships were based around colleagues, they have drifted as we no longer want to remember the bad times.

Regrets, more than a few.

Am now working hard to try and build up some savings as know I’ll be retiring alone with only my money. Is so hard to live on one salary and save as there is so little wiggle room and every cost of living rise cuts deeper into the wiggle room.
The difference in my life and prospects due to having lived my life on a single income are massive despite being highly educated and working in what were once respected professional jobs!

I find it quite depressing really and regret my choices massively, to be honest once my mother has gone I wouldn’t be upset to die early if was quick and alone with no-one at my funeral.

TrainGame · 12/02/2025 16:52

unhappily married to Dh for nearly 20 years and wonder what it must be like to be married to someone who demonstrates love. DH does love me but is ASD and just doesn’t show it in NT way. Have felt like I’m transparent for 20 years.

We are good financially, no worries there. DH excels at making money.

DC are spectrumy too so that stopped me going back to work. Always in touch with the school about this or that. It’s been such hard work.

Sometimes grieve for a normal husband and nornal kids. I adore my lot but my god it’s been hard work. 50 now and feel exhausted.

Want to escape to Nice of Marbella, far away from all my commitments and hard work and just bask in the sun.

Wondering if I can take DS to do his A-Levels there. Desperate for a change and some adventure and sunshine. Utterly bored with the drudgery of life.

Poor social network as no parent friends through kids, DH doesn’t socialise and I don’t work. It’s not how I envisioned my life but I remain hopeful for a last hurrah, coming soon.

learning French like a ninja 🥷

losing a parent is hard. Lost my mum over a year ago. She was my best friend. Hugs to those going through it.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 12/02/2025 16:59

I’m 50 this year. Positives are a good relationship with DH. We met later in life and he was getting divorced so we are 12 years off paying off the mortgage when most of my contemporaries are mortgage free now. That worries me, I can’t imagine being in a position to retire ever really. My DM retired mid 50’s! I don’t regret travelling and spending so much time dancing. I do wish I had taken my career seriously and not just aimed for something creative and badly paid (and probably in a few years time defunct thanks to ai). I’m fascinated by courts and wish I’d gone into law in some way. I feel like I missed the memo for taking life seriously and just fucked around. Peri menopause is stealing so much from me. I have a bad hip and I’m not even 50 yet! Plus I regret spending my entire 20’s with a lovely but ultimately commitment phobic man who to be fair to him told me exactly who he was in the beginning but then said “oh I might change” and kept me on a string, I could have met someone else or no one else at all but had lots of fun on night stands! Anyway I’m glad I met DH when I did because of DS and DSS. What’s really aged me has been caring for my parents, one after the other for the past 20 years. They both have dementia. It’s drained me. In a parallel universe there’s a me with healthy parents and she’s probably healthier, thinner and has some savings still!

chickensandbees · 12/02/2025 17:05

52
Hoping to retire in the next couple of years
Been with DH almost 30 years, married for 20.
2 DDs, teenagers.
Parents still alive but increasingly disabled DF (dementia, parkinsons, mobility issues)
Recently got a distinction in my MBA and got promoted to a senior level
Financially secure
Probably the most content I have ever been but a lot of demands on my time hence wanting to retire soon.
I also feel I have a lot that I want to do with my life that isn't work related and I am feeling I need more time than money.

stargirl1701 · 12/02/2025 17:07

Late 40s. Content. DC are late primary stage. Looking forward to mortgage coming down after the Truss debacle.

bringonyourwreckingball · 12/02/2025 17:09

50, divorced just over a year from serially unfaithful exh, 2 great kids who are doing well, good job. Still traumatized by how my marriage ended, doubt I will ever be in a relationship again and scared of what my life will be when dd2 goes to Uni in a couple of years.
On the plus side, thanks to being unable to eat for several months after finding out about xh’s infidelity, then over a year of very grueling treatment for breast cancer, I am in the best shape since having my children.

Ilovelowry · 12/02/2025 17:10

Eugh. Bored. 40s have been rubbish. Health issues, surgeries, endless exhaustion. On HRT max but can't find words and my brain shuts down at the end of the day. I just came home from work and got into bed for a quick sleep before I make dinner.

DH talks about things he'd like to do when. DC leave home but honestly all I can think is how I will manage it all when I'm so tired. (before anyone says it, ferritin over 100).

Job is something I did to fit around the children. There is nothing I'd rather do instead so I keep doing it. I've never wanted to do anything particular. Got a degree, took best paying grad job on the milkround, did it for ten years before becoming sahm.

Would love something to make me inspired!

unsync · 12/02/2025 17:23

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 12/02/2025 14:22

I'm a failure in life at 53. I'm so ashamed. No career. No skills. Financially desperate as my stbxh squandered all our money. He's been violent too.

4 dcs. One who is nearly 20. He left school at 16 and has done nothing since. Sleeps all day.

My other dcs seems ok.

You haven't failed, you've survived an abusive relationship. That's an achievement all on its own. I had help after my abusive marriage ended, it was really beneficial. Please think about accessing support services so you can rebuild your life and find some positives and happiness. 💐

Spudlover · 12/02/2025 17:25

Im 51.
Have had a rocky few years health wise but now I seem to be on asthma meds that are actually working for me and feel like I have my life back.

Career is great and I’m exactly where I want to be. I’m senior, well paid, get to travel but also have a good work life balance and I like my job.

A few great friendship groups, I’m very lucky there.

Married to a man with suspected ND and have had a tricky year with marriage counselling but I am optimistic. He’s generally lovely. Late teens/early 20s kids who are also ND. High functioning and at university but everything has always felt harder than it needed to be. I do sometimes envy those with NT kids.

Still have 11 years to go on the mortgage but no money worries.

On the whole I feel pretty lucky and am very content.

ObviouslyBlooming · 12/02/2025 17:31

I’m early 50s.
dcs have left for Uni.

My days are spent dealing with chronic health condition and childhood trauma really.
Basically, now that I’ve had to stop, I have no choice but to deal with what I should have dealt with years ago.

To anyone saying ‘I wish I had done xyz’ when I was 20yo.
Im going to say ‘be grateful for your health. Look after it/you and remember all the choices and opportunities you still have’. You often realise how much there was/you had, when it’s taken away from you.

Theimpossiblegirl · 12/02/2025 17:32

Mid 40s. Had my kids fairly young, so just through the uni years. They were expensive as we had never really been in a position to save ahead, too busy trying to buy a house etc. But we've done it.
Now I'm enjoying having them home but I know it's temporary.

Still working full time in teaching, that's a slog, but generally happy with my lot.

I know I'm better off than many and I've lost a few friends young, so I'm treating aging as a blessing.

pootleondown · 12/02/2025 17:34

I'm pretty content at the moment.

Both dc have left home and are happy/making their own way in life.

Mortgage was paid off years ago and DH has recently retired so he's less stressed and easier to live with. I work part time and we travel a lot.

I do sometimes regret not forging a career earlier on in life, and feel I sacrificed my potential somewhat...but it made for an easier life for all of us including me so I try not to dwell on that. I've done some voluntary work in recent years and that's made me feel more "useful".

Middlechild3 · 12/02/2025 17:37

Resilience · 12/02/2025 16:07

💐 flowers for everyone feeling less than content with their lot. I bet every single one of you has reasons for why you're where you are and you shouldn't be ashamed of any of it - especially if it's been because you've been raising children, caring for others, been badly let down or faced barriers such as lack of money, etc.

I'm 49. Very content with my lot. Nearly 20 years ago though I became a homeless single parent to 4-month-old twins thanks to domestic abuse. The comeback from that was hard and slow and very delayed. For the first 5 years it was all about survival. As things started to improve I started reflecting on my life and future and had something of an early midlife crisis. It led me to take a big gamble and retrain. It paid off and I've trebled my income and have a successful career.

However - and I cannot overstate the importance of this - I was able to achieve this because I had several advantages many people don't have.

Firstly a good education that opened the retraining door. I didn't need to get an access course or anything first. That gave me options.

Secondly a network of friends that allowed me to cover childcare at antisocial hours (my chosen career involved shifts). I don't have family so without these wonderful people I could not have done this.

Thirdly, items of value I could sell which subsidised my income for a few years. Without that my change of career would not have been viable as it was unaffordable to feed the kids and pay my bills on the training and starting salary.

Meanwhile, my X, who physically abused me and has never really done more than the bare minimum job wise, was able to afford holidays and all sorts without any real sacrifice to his life whatsoever. He never paid maintenance and hasn't actually seen his DC since they were 2.

It taught me many things. Where you are in life has as much to do with circumstances as it does hard work and determination and women (and the occasional man) have additional barriers because they retain the bulk of caring responsibilities.

All that said, however, if you want to make a change, and can, it's never too late. My latest career change was at 46. Someone I know did it at 55 and I went to university with someone in their 70s!

Contentment IMO comes down to feelings of fulfilment and being valued. Many of us mistakenly equate that to a fancy job title or salary, but it doesn't have to be at all. Volunteering or a hobby you become good at is just as valuable. What it does require though is the capacity to carve out a bit of time to put yourself first. If that doesn't exist, some bigger questions need to be addressed.

What an inspiring wise and lovely post

Jung200 · 12/02/2025 17:47

Early retired & loving it after a busy, stressful career. Enjoying a simple life for a while before plans to travel, volunteer & explore new hobbies. Marriage good, but both have some health issues & ageing parents causing a lot of worry.

antipodeansun · 12/02/2025 17:49

Soon to be 53 married for 17 years (after a short marriage to a terrible guy). Children 12 and 15, academic.
Positives: everyone healthy, kids doing well in school and socially, and generally just lovely fun young people. I get along well with DH, he's a good husband and father. Comfortable though not wealthy, ok house, some savings, some assets. Have a good community and social network where we live, feel quite supported. It's been an amazing place to have family and it will be a good place to grow old.
Negatives: I moved to a different continent to be with DH. I settled fine here, have been accepted well, but I miss my country, my language and my family (Continental Europe) especially now that my parents are old and mother has dementia. I am very close to.them and to my sister who is left caring for them and to whom I am so grateful (I pay for my mother's nice care home, which does help a lot - at least something - and I have paid some other big bills for them over the years).
I love my work but it's been unstable and I wonder whether I should have taken the professional instead of the academic track.
Menopause has killed my libido and brought extra weight I can't get rid of. I don't hate how I look but it does make me sad; until 45 or so I was really youthful looking and just can't get it in my head that I look like this now!
And my husband is looking to change massively his career /work and this may be risky for our finances. It is a huge change for him he needs a lot of support, which can be draining for an introvert like me.
Overall it's just normal life. When my mother was my age she had it much tougher, not to mention my grandmother raising 7 children on her own.. I try to put things into perspective 😅

Ellejay67 · 12/02/2025 17:54

BB49 · 12/02/2025 14:10

Are you content with how life has been for you so far? Any regrets? Do you have any major plans for the next few years?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My DC are secondary school aged so I still feel like I'm pouring all my energies into them and the family and the dogs and daily chores. I regret not studying medicine and becoming a doctor, not doing a gap year after school, and not getting the chance to live abroad, but never say never to the latter. I am fortunate though for a lot of things.

Hi no. I hate my life. Hate our house, hate our neighbours.
Nearly lost our house 10 years ago. Repossession and council accommodation would have been better. Lost my job. OH is self employed roofer. No work most of the winter. Inherited a small lump sum...not life changing. Just bought a kitten Lol. Scared, worried, sick....all the time.

workshyfop · 12/02/2025 17:59

52, 2DC at secondary school. Have them 50:50 with abusive ex. Found the strength to leave him 5 years ago, hung on and on because I knew he’d have the DC half the time and didn’t want to leave them alone with him when they were little. They seem OK thank god.

Climbed the career ladder but have no interest in that now. Left my senior leadership role a couple of years ago. Could no longer cope with it through menopause, and it just didn’t seem important anymore. Currently plodding in an unchallenging role until I work out who I am now. This time of menopause has very much been The Change for me - I’m still in the midst of it and don’t know how I’ll emerge.

I have a lovely DP. Never knew what it was like to be loved till I met him. We don’t live together as don’t want to blend families.

Financially in pretty good shape, decent pension but quite a way to go on mortgage still.

Really don’t know what the future might look like when the kids leave home. Feel lost and directionless but hope something will crystallise and I’ll find a new purpose, something to get my teeth into.

EBearhug · 12/02/2025 18:00
  1. Never married, never had children (it just never came up,) never bought a house. Not superfit, but fairly active. Have a job, not in debt (well, a little on my credit card, but I will clear that soon.) Could vanish, and no one would notice for quite a long while. (I hope work might notice.)
lovingmememe · 12/02/2025 18:00

Im not 40 yet im 38 love my life im where i need to be with it.
I have a grownup son that has moved out and on with his own life so just me now.
Regrets 0 none at all.

Oblomov25 · 12/02/2025 18:00

Life is good. Ds's doing good. Will be pleased when ds2 finishes school in a couple of years. Dh is a bit of a diamond. I like my job, have great friends. I find fighting re my diabetes, broken back and skin re HRT all a bit painful and frustrating, but others have it worse.