If you're middle-aged (late 40s/early 50s), where are you in life?

[BB49]

Are you content with how life has been for you so far? Any regrets? Do you have any major plans for the next few years?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My DC are secondary school aged so I still feel like I'm pouring all my energies into them and the family and the dogs and daily chores. I regret not studying medicine and becoming a doctor, not doing a gap year after school, and not getting the chance to live abroad, but never say never to the latter. I am fortunate though for a lot of things.

@LostittoBostik Hang on in there, it is very tough with young children and lack of sleep - you are in the trenches. Do whatever you need to to feel better physically - go to bed when the kids do, overhaul your diet, massage/osteopath etc - keep trying things until you find one that works.

What changed things for me was stopping thinking about retirement like it was the goal, and starting making my life more enjoyable in the here and now. What can you do to make your life better today/tomorrow/next week? I often ask myself: if I was to die in five years, what would I wish I had done now.

Exhausted and overwhelmed.
Single mum to 4 dc. Eldest is doing A-levels, next two are at secondary and youngest at primary. I work FT in a job I love but pay is minimum wage.
Thankful to own my own home with no mortgage, but even so money is tight. ExH pays a pittance towards kids. Split 8 years ago after discovering multiple infidelities through our entire 16 year relationship plus a gambling addiction and latterly realising he was financially and emotionally abusive. Frustrated that I can’t completely disentangle from him due to kids and ‘co-parenting’.
I am lucky to have a good circle of friends.
I have no regrets because everything I’ve lived has made me into the person I am today. But I wish I had the energy to work, be a good parent, look after my rapidly declining DM and keep a vaguely tidy and clean house, socialise and re-find the fun me that I know is lurking somewhere inside.
I think I’m feeling a bit more vulnerable after losing my DF just before Christmas. Dealing with his estate is feeling like the straw that breaks this camel’s back.
I have grand plans to travel when the DCs fly the nest. And it would be quite nice to find an adventurous man to share the journey at some point. But I’m quite happy on my own Overall, this particular chapter of my life feels relentless. I know I’ll miss it when the DCs are grown up though.

@therattlebag23 I really needs to hear that. Thank you x

Retraining to a new career in late 40s and am happy with all study and career choices, mainly that I never got stuck. Lived abroad twice, learnt a language to a good level as an adult, loads of travel. Regret not having had chance for more children/ a two parent family but generally feeling content and optimistic. Nothing boring in my life.

@Hollyhedge do you mind me asking what you're training to do?

So I am completing a degree in biology / chemistry with the hope to move into research/ healthcare science. Left a senior job to complete this degree. Living off savings short term. If I can’t pull it off will you back to former career. V energizing at this point!

I'm 47 and fairly happy with my lot. Two teenage kids, did a bit of a career change last year now on more money and a tad more stress but a satisfying job and one I wouldn't have taken when the kids were younger but is fine now. Enjoying the freedom of not needing a babysitter all the time!

Main background worries are paying for oldest going to uni (in terms of rent, some living support) - but at least we are mortgage free so it'll be like having a mortgage again for a few years! Not got great pension prospects - DH has earned quite a lot but irregularly for few years and has put money into a product he's working on rather than pension and he's starting to worry. Our house is worth quite a lot though, so we could release a fair chunk of money by downsizing if it comes to it. I'm presuming, all being well with me (and that's not guaranteed), I will work until I'm about 70 but I don't think I'll have to work any longer than that.

My parents are definitely feeling their ages - my mum has had chronic health issues for a while which are getting worse and I suspect she might be in her last few years. The only 'upside' is I don't have to worry about lingering frailty/dementia with her, as she's just not going to make it that far. Soshouldn't face the nightmare scenario of having to deal with two frail/very elderly parents. My dad, however, will go on for some time I reckon and could be quite hard to 'look after' without mum around.

Two kids at uni. One in secondary.

Been living with stage 4 cancer for the past 6yrs.

I’m 53 but had my kids late so they are still late primary/early secondary. Positives are having a lovely DH and a family life which I thought I wouldn’t have - I was single at 40 and my relationships hadn’t been great before and was broke for years. We now have a nice house which we’ve renovated to our taste and all parents are still in good health. Kids are doing well. Menopause has been ok mostly.

Negatives are that I don’t love where we live, moved here for work and I don’t have any close friends or family support. DH’s family are lovely but they live in another country. We still have a big mortgage and I have a small pension so many years of work ahead for me with no end in sight yet. I’m being bullied at work and trying to get motivated to find a new job - I’d love to go part time but we can’t afford it. I want to find something that I love, but I’m feeling low and I’ve lost a lot of confidence. I feel like I’ve lost myself in work/parenting. I’ve lost touch with old friends. I’ve put on 3 stone over the last few years which I can’t shift. I feel like I’m at some kind of crossroads at the moment.

Leaving an abusive marriage is a colloidal achievement. Hold your head high. 💐

Kids grown. Eldest living in London. Post grad. Good job.

Youngest back home after uni. Has first grad trainee job.

Very, very glad we didn’t leave having kids until we were pushing 40. I see friends my age with young kids and they’re utterly knackered.

We are both still working with no plans to retire. One parent left between us. Both my parents dead and FIL died years ago.

I love reading these, you are all inspiring in your own way.

I am about to turn 40, I feel a little stuck in a basic office job when I know I’ve more potential. I am thinking of aiming for the stars and going for a role that challenges me & pays more.

Has anyone made a huge career move upwards after 40 & menopause not completely ruined it??

Kids are 18 & 12 so a little more independent and DH & I are still very much in love after 20 great years. Financially we could always be better but we own our own home, we’re paying down the mortgage not too badly and we have some left over for treats.

Ive had a few health concerns which is holding me back from jumping jobs and I am grieving the loss of my DF who I miss dearly. Apart from that all is well.

Please go to the south of France. I am cheering you on!!

I'm 47 and feeling ok and moderately positive about the near future. Enjoying having older teens but also worry about them (even though they're both doing fine at the moment and are lovely kids).

I sometimes regret not having a proper career and it feels too late now. But it doesn't feel like a big thing in the grand scheme of things. I've got a job rather than a career and I'll never make megabucks, but I love the job and do it well. I benefit from it and it has a visible positive impact on others so it's rewarding.

I'm grateful for good health (though suffering a bit with the peri changes) as I'm becoming more and more aware of how short life is- funerals are beginning to get more common, friends are having health scares etc.

I lost my parents in my thirties- they were too young but the only silver lining is that I don't have the stress and worry of aging parents. I do have aging in-laws and will play a role in supporting them as and when they need it, but I feel 'one step removed' and free from the ultimate responsibility of it.

I'm happily married- 22 years this year. Really loving having more time and money to enjoy with DH. We're going on a short trip abroad next month and leaving the teenagers at home. Also lots of gigs, camping trips and a festival planned this year- some with the kids and some without. We always have a great time with the teens- close relationships and lots of laughs.

At this age, I am more comfortable in my skin than ever, and I enjoy my own company a lot. I really value the little things like being out in nature with the dog. Or snuggling with the dog under a blanket and having a lovely cuppa in a quiet room. Just the simple everyday things- there's contentment to be found in it.

Overall, I feel very lucky indeed to be where I am. I don't have any great expectations or wild ambitions for the future really- will just try and enjoy what I'm lucky to have.

I'll be 48 next week and the thread title suddenly made me realise that I'm middle aged!
I was married at 25, separated at 30 and spent all of my thirties single. DD19 is at university and I have a DP who I don't live with but we enjoy the same things.
I only started to feel financially stable in the last few years and got a promotion last year so am grateful to be in a position where I can do the things I want to.
Generally I feel that this is a good time in my life but DM is starting to have more health issues and I know that I have many more years of work and mortgage payments ahead of me. I try to appreciate everything while I can.

47, two great kids and a dog but no partner. I don’t mind this most of the time but could probably do with putting more effort in on the looking for a fella score.

Aside from my kids and job and my family ans cozy if dilapidated house, what I am most grateful for is my ability to entertain myself and never be bored. I love trying new hobbies and carrying on old ones, especially music- related. People and hobbies are the true joys of life. Everything else is just noise to me.

I wanted to ask this too!

I feel a bit lost. I went back to work when my youngest were finishing primary school, trained in childcare despite having a degree as I lived out and could make the hours work. They are about to leave secondary (Y11) and I am now regretting not doing something which was better pay and less exhausting. I can't actually keep this up energy-wise. I'm not senior enough to be more paper-based. So I have to start from scratch. Luckily I won't need to take a pay cut as I'm on minimum wage. Thinking of what I can do for the next 15 years is a bit daunting. It'll be my last job.

My marriage is difficult and has been for the past 19 years (since DC1). DC1 has mental health issues and I often wonder if he will ever manage to live alone and where his life will go.

I had a fantastic gap year after uni and a mostly very happy, successful and exciting twenties - with a job I loved. Unfortunately I got ill and needed to leave, then had the kids etc etc. I'm lucky now that my husband supports me financially and is faithful. I have wonderful children (delightful 16yo twins as well as my 19yo) and a really good life.

I just feel a bit lost though.

Aw thanks so much 🥰 that means a lot!

Would you consider collagen? I’ve found taking it regularly has helped my shoulder tendon. Also ginger shots a few times a week. I drink it diluted with water so it’s not quite so strong. It’s a good anti-inflammatory.

I use the one from Bare Biology. Also vitamin D drops. Body just goes better when I support it with supplements and try to eat well, especially with peri on the way.

im sorry I can’t help financially, I’ve not been that good at making money. Investing im a bit better at, but just use ftse 100 tracker or S&P 500 tracker, they seem to do well over long duration, like 5 or 10 years.

I hope you can find a way to make more 🍀

47 and feeling very trapped in a golden cage. I haven't worked in 10 years as I had postpartum psychosis with dc1 which completely undermined my confidence and already dodgy self esteem.

Since then I've gained another degree and do various voluntary work but I feel so lost. Dh is happy with the status quo. He was brought up to believe women don't work, they garden, do charity work and get stuck on pedestals to be lavished with jewellery, flowers and in my case books. He's never had a moment of self doubt in his life so he just doesn't understand.

My biggest regret is letting dh and my psychiatrist talk me into quitting work.

As problems go, I realise it's not a particularly bad one but I do feel I've screwed my life up.

I'm 50. Lots of positives to be thankful for - happily married for 21 years to my lovely DH, three teenage DC who are all happy and doing well at school / uni, enjoy my job, financially comfortable, lots of good friends and my parents are still in good health in their 80s. Planning to retire in around 10 years.

The only negatives really are that I need to lose a couple of stone in weight and I just generally feel older than I expected / hoped to feel at this age. I have sciatica at the moment which is really painful, and I feel slower mentally (brain fog etc) compared to just a few years ago. I will have more time to myself as the DC get older (at the moment I still spend a lot of time driving them to sports training and matches) so I need to focus on my health and fitness.

49 with 2 dc 18 and 24. Do a job I love but am having health issues which is frustrating really. Relationship with parents gone very badly recently which is sad. Happily married for over 25 years and have a home we love. I feel content but am not sure if this is good as I do not want yet to slip into middle age! I think I definitely need to find some new challenges as it feels too easy to be lazy.

Thank you everyone who has posted for being so real and honest here, it is an interesting and thoughtful read.

I wrote the OP, and the further things I would add are that I am very thankful for my children who were not conceived and born without overcoming massive obstacles and who light up my life each day, and my husband of over 20 years who has stuck by me through the very worst of times. I am very fortunate that we are financially comfortable (mainly due to my husband) and I work from home in a PT job that I still enjoy and suits me because I am a huge introvert. I feel I have grown up in the last 3 years or so, and have learned a lot about myself and my negatives (which has not been easy). I have my health so far, but just finding my body is aching more doing my usual amount of exercise which makes keeping active that much harder.

Negatives: parents getting older and needing more support. I have less good friends than the fingers on one hand and none that are local to me so socialise very little. I do feel quite lonely because of this. My husband is an extrovert and socialises regularly with his work colleagues. Thankfully my DC do not take after me and are very sociable! I do sometimes feel like I want to do or achieve something else with my life. Perhaps an endurance challenge abroad, or a new qualification?

I recommend signing up with a personal trainer - I was lucky enough to find a woman my own age who worked out of my local gym & designed a weights & cardio plan to help keep me fit through peri.

Also, if you’re after a mental challenge have you considered learning a language - either from scratch or improving one that you did at school? Not just Duolingo but a course, either online or in person. I’ve been going to Italian classes at a local centre for a few years now, & I wouldn’t call myself fluent but it makes all the difference when I go there on holiday.