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Original poster

Never get house to selves

110 replies

Newyorklady · 09/02/2025 11:48

We have 2 adults sons in early twenties.
we love them both dearly however their girlfriends turn up every Friday and don’t go home until Sunday evening, Every week. Sometimes come in week too.
this means husband and I never get any time alone in our house of a weekend unless they go out on one of the evenings.
Both girlfriends live locally so I struggle to understand why they don’t stay at their houses more often,
when I ask my sons why they say they prefer it at ours as there is more to do.
This also means GF eat our food all weekend. We never get a Sunday lunch without being here.
both sons pay rent but very little in comparison to their earnings. Both earn good salaries.
im starting to feel like the GF families are into a good thing here.
They also leave a mess.
We both have full time jobs mine in lives travelling so time in the week is taken up.
Would it be unreasonable for them to spend at least one weekend a month at GF so we at least get house to selves ?
Am I being selfish expecting time to selves and some consideration.

OP posts:

wherearemypastnames · 09/02/2025 11:50

I'd certainly stop cooking at the weekends and tell one they do Saturday and the other sunday - it's up to them and the have to buy the food

making it a little less comfortable and also useful household training ( being a good parents !)

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/02/2025 11:50

It's OK to say no sometimes, OP. No one will be scarred for life.

wherearemypastnames · 09/02/2025 11:50

And mess direct to bin bag or in their bed whichever is most inconvenient for them

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kiraric · 09/02/2025 11:52

I never really get these posts.

It is your house, make the rules and don't be a doormat!

If it were me, I would say the girlfriends can stay max 1-2 nights a week and if they are around at the weekend, they take turns cooking and cleaning up like grownups

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 11:52

I would tell them it has to stop and massively up their contributions to cover all the extra food, electricity/gas and water usage.

Allow them to stay one weekend maximum and maybe it’s time for them to start moving out.

My teen went through a phase of having friends stay all weekend and I had to put a stop to it in the end as I was being drove crazy by having no peace.

Bananalanacake · 09/02/2025 11:53

Put your foot down and say the GFs can stay over 2 weekends a month and no more.
Hide the food/ don't buy any when they arrive, if there is no food they might go out and buy some.

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 11:55

I don't allow partners to stay over in my house. Problem solved.

TheChosenTwo · 09/02/2025 11:55

Tell them if they want to have their girlfriends round some weekends that’s fine but they will need to cook an evening meal and clear up.
My dd spends more time at her boyfriends house than he does here but not more than one overnight during the week and they do cook for his mum once or twice a week if dd is there.
It’s taking the piss really for them to be at yours all weekend every weekend.
And as their parents you are able to say no sometimes. Just explain that you want some time to yourselves to relax and wind down in your own home and to not have additional house guests every single weekend.
Oh, and up their bloody rent a bit!

KingTutting · 09/02/2025 11:57

Tell them it can only be one/two weekends a month. The weekends they do come run the cupboards and fridge down and when they complain tell them to go shopping.
GFs parents have probably told them no, not that it was better at yours.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 09/02/2025 12:00

Obviously up their board.. Tell them 2 extra adults every week end adds up.
Suggest they either both stay out the odd week end or they can pay you /dh a hotel... Just tell them it isn't just their generation that indulges in sex.... Who cares if they are embarrassed?

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/02/2025 12:02

kiraric · 09/02/2025 11:52

I never really get these posts.

It is your house, make the rules and don't be a doormat!

If it were me, I would say the girlfriends can stay max 1-2 nights a week and if they are around at the weekend, they take turns cooking and cleaning up like grownups

This.

"We ned more private time and our weekends to ourselves. Your friends may stay over on Tuesday nights only. Otherwise stay at theirs or a Premier Inn. Thank you."

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/02/2025 12:03

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 11:55

I don't allow partners to stay over in my house. Problem solved.

Better yet.

People who want to host multiple nights per week need to get their own flat.

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 12:04

It's just ridiculous how modern parents are supposed to have no boundaries at all because otherwise shock horror, their DC may go no contact!

Shinyandnew1 · 09/02/2025 12:04

Use your words and talk to them! It's your house.

How about...

'Your girlfriends are here every weekend and also in the week and we are feeling like we never get any time to ourselves in our own house and I feel like I'm constantly cooking and clearing up after a house full of adults. Can we stop with the midweek overnights here and alternate staying at their parents every other weekend now.'

Too bad if they don't like the girlfriends' houses as much! If they don't like that-it's time to move out and rent.

ViciousCurrentBun · 09/02/2025 12:04

DS GF used to do this and he upped his rent a little bit, it was still only £65 per week. When they broke up a couple of months ago he immediately asked if he could go back to his £50 a week contribution. I spent some time showing him how much it cost to run the house. He still says a lot of his friends live for free or pay even less. My answer is I don’t care what your friends parents do.

Our house is nicer than DS ex he has a very big bedroom with a full size tv in plus she loved my cooking. My Dad ran a restaurant and taught me how to cook and I have worked in kitchens. She once said when she had not been coming over for long you do not have to make such nice food just for me, I replied we eat like this all the time. After DS GF finished with him I had a little bit of resentment of all the lovely sea bass I had made for her, was her favourite.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 09/02/2025 12:07

Call a meeting.

up the rent
time frame for visitors. So they can only come every other weekend at an absolute maximum and both girlfriends visits must match.
Cleaning must be split equally. They must deepclean bathrooms, kitchens all living areas and theor rooms routinely.

What's the worst they'll do? Move out!

Glamiss · 09/02/2025 12:12

Definitely time for some boundaries. Some visitor free weekends and get your sons to take a turn cooking a big weekend meal for all. Maybe 2 bird with one stone and ask them to buy the food when they cook too. You'll likely get more appreciation and consideration by giving them a taste of this than by doing more for them.

Dror · 09/02/2025 12:14

I don't understand how you could think it's selfish of you to expect adults to behave like considerate, functioning adults?
They should be cooking, cleaning, doing all normal household tasks as standard. Paying towards the full costs of all the electric, WiFi, etc they're using.
Inform them their girlfriends are no longer to stay over in your house/one night per month.
If they don't like this, fantastic. They can live independently.

Mrsbloggz · 09/02/2025 12:15

Both girlfriends live locally so I struggle to understand why they don’t stay at their houses more often
@Newyorklady I'd say it's because you're a soft touch and the girlfriend's parents are not.

Mrsbloggz · 09/02/2025 12:18

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 12:04

It's just ridiculous how modern parents are supposed to have no boundaries at all because otherwise shock horror, their DC may go no contact!

You're not wrong!
Even so I feel the overarching problem is the unaffordability of housing. It's not unusual for parents to struggle to be tough with their children, the fact that work often doesn't pay enough for someone to live independently makes it even harder to be tough with your children.

soupyspoon · 09/02/2025 12:18

kiraric · 09/02/2025 11:52

I never really get these posts.

It is your house, make the rules and don't be a doormat!

If it were me, I would say the girlfriends can stay max 1-2 nights a week and if they are around at the weekend, they take turns cooking and cleaning up like grownups

Me too, how come this hasnt been the conversation already

Pay in more money for a start and no, your girlfriends cant come over every week, sounds like a hotel, a cheap one

Given there appear to be 4 of them, they could get a couple of little bedsits in the same house and actually start adult life. We infantilise young people to their and society's detriment

Original poster

Newyorklady · 09/02/2025 12:20

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 11:52

I would tell them it has to stop and massively up their contributions to cover all the extra food, electricity/gas and water usage.

Allow them to stay one weekend maximum and maybe it’s time for them to start moving out.

My teen went through a phase of having friends stay all weekend and I had to put a stop to it in the end as I was being drove crazy by having no peace.

This is exactly how I feel.
No peace or quiet time in the house all weekend.
No time to sit and think.
No me/our time unless they go out for the odd hour (which in winter isn’t that often and also rare both sets are out at the same time).
I know I need to change things now so I intend to sit them down later, when both GF have left and tell them we need at least 1 weekend a month to selves.

OP posts:

Wonderi · 09/02/2025 12:21

I would just be very honest and say that you work all week and are struggling with having guests over every weekend.

I would make a new rule that no one can have guests over on Saturday nights or Sundays.
That gives you an evening and a day.

If they want to see their gfs then they can stay at theirs on that night.

Cynic17 · 09/02/2025 12:24

Charge your sons a proper rent.
Stop cooking for them - they make their own food.
Especially stop cooking Sunday lunch - why don't you and your husband go out for lunch, just the two of you?

Just grow a backbone, OP - it doesn't have to be this way. Your house, your rules!

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/02/2025 12:24

One weekend a month is nothing. I'd flip it and limit the visits to one per month.

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