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Original poster

Friend booking me in for events, weeks in advance

117 replies

Flooooop · 03/02/2025 23:34

As the title says. None of my other friends organise things that far in advance as this 1 friend does. As the date nears for when I'm due to see her, other friends (mine and DH couple friends) inevitably invite us out for the same date. 9 times out of 10 this happens. I then can't go to the couples thing, dh won't go alone as it's a couples thing and he feels out of place going alone. We then miss out on doing things with our couple friends.
It's not a case of I've arranged to see my friend - who's booked the night out weeks/month's in advance- but I prefer to see others if me and dh get a better offer nearer the time. Not this at all. If I say no to my friend on some of the occasions then she will ask why. I can't say 'in case our couple friends want to do something that night' nor can I say 'I'm keeping that eve free to see other friends'. I'm not going to lie and say I'm busy that eve when I'm not, at the time she asks me.
We don't get to see our couple friends that much, so when they are having a party/bbq etc we like to go.
Not sure if I'm making much sense with how I'm trying to articulate this !
My friend is currently trying to arrange an eve out in April. We see each other all the time and live close. So it's not like we are miles apart and have to logistically plan meeting up.

I love seeing my friend but feel I'm allowing her to book up a lot of my weekends, but at the time of organising I have nothing else in the diary.
I can guarantee that we will get a couples invite for the date she is looking at in April. We won't get the couples invite until much nearer the time. Of course we might not get a couples invite at all for that date.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 17:50

To confirm, I've never cancelled on my friends. None of my friends take priority over each other. Like another poster said up thread, I get booked up weeks/ mouths in advance and then cannot do anything spontaneous or on a whim. Which a lot of things are with our couple friends. If my friend arranged things nearer the time I would then have opportunities to make decisions about what I do, where I go etc knowing the whole remit of invitations I had from everyone.

I sound like a social butterfly but I'm really not ! It just Seems to be that almost every time my friend books me up in advance that I then get clashes nearer the time.

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 04/02/2025 19:28

If my friend arranged things nearer the time I would then have opportunities to make decisions about what I do, where I go etc knowing the whole remit of invitations I had from everyone.

She’s not at fault for being a forward planner. You can push back and say “I’m not sure yet, can I give you a call nearer the time” or similar.

Plaided · 04/02/2025 19:36

Just say that you’d love to go, but if a better offer comes up nearer the time you’d prefer to do that and you hope she won’t be offended if you cancel?

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Devon24 · 04/02/2025 19:38

Plaided · 04/02/2025 19:36

Just say that you’d love to go, but if a better offer comes up nearer the time you’d prefer to do that and you hope she won’t be offended if you cancel?

That will definitely solve the issue. Her friend is likely to be offended and distance herself swiftly altogether.

Original poster

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 19:38

Ffooooks sake. Its not about a getting a better offer.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 19:39

@Devon24 I give up

OP posts:

Devon24 · 04/02/2025 19:42

I prefer to see others if me and dh get a better offer nearer the time.

These were your words not mine. It’s really crass tbh. Your poor friend is very much second best to a couples night.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2025 19:44

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 19:38

Ffooooks sake. Its not about a getting a better offer.

Well it is

as if friend books you the couple friends do something spur of the moment you would prefer that

RosemaryRabbit · 04/02/2025 19:44

Could she come along to the "couple friends" nights out and parties? They are just group social events really. You could say yo her "yes let's definitely hang out that weekend but decide nearer the time what to do". Then if Will & Kate or whoever invite you to an impromptu party you can bring her along, the more the merrier.

The "couple friends" thing feels a bit intense to me. What if one of the couples splits up? Or if someone was single but was also friend, would they be allowed to come?

burnoutbabe · 04/02/2025 19:45

Me and my friend will pencil a date in the diary -ie week after next. And then on Monday of that week we confirm which week day it shall be. Could you not do that?

Plaided · 04/02/2025 20:34

Devon24 · 04/02/2025 19:38

That will definitely solve the issue. Her friend is likely to be offended and distance herself swiftly altogether.

Show quote history

Exactly. She’s just telling her the truth, and the friend can decide if it’s worth bothering again.

EmpressaurusKitty · 04/02/2025 20:38

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 19:38

Ffooooks sake. Its not about a getting a better offer.

The reason you’re coming across like that to an extent is the bit about all the calls & texts from your couple friends & your DH when you were out with your friend.

Did you really spend half the evening on your phone to them, or did you focus on your friend & pick up all the messages later?

PinkArt · 04/02/2025 20:47

Flooooop · 04/02/2025 19:38

Ffooooks sake. Its not about a getting a better offer.

Of course it is. If you didn't think the 'couple friends' offers were the better offers then it wouldn't matter what the second invites were or when they were made.

LegalBarbie · 04/02/2025 20:57

Cardinalita90 · 04/02/2025 09:04

You're framing it as its her fault for booking in advance but it seems more like your couple friends leave things until the last minute. Also, she can only "dominate" your spare time if you say yes so you have to take some accountability here.

Seems you have a choice- either you start proactively planning dates with couple friends or tell them you need more notice. Or you start saying no to your friend and take the risk that she stops asking or nothing happens that weekend. But making yourself a passive passenger in all this isn't fair.

I really agree with this. You are in this situation because of your own actions not the friends.

if you don’t want to book in advance, don’t. If you want nights out with couple friends book them.

It’s really annoying when posters act like life is being done to them. It’s your own actions.

CarpetKnees · 04/02/2025 21:56

100% agree with @LegalBarbie and the @Cardinalita90 post you quoted.

CarpetKnees · 04/02/2025 22:01

I get booked up weeks/ mouths in advance and then cannot do anything spontaneous or on a whim. Which a lot of things are with our couple friends.

Which surely is something you need to explain to these friends who seem to struggle with organisation like to operate on a whim.
when they suggest something on a night you are already booked up, you could say "Aagh, you've done it again, picked a night I'm already doing something. Look, why don't we put something in the diary for next month?"

This passive "people are doing things to me is just nonsense. Take control of your own diary. Choose to go out with one friend and commit to it, or choose to not see her so you can sit at home twiddling your thumbs waiting for a call that might, or might not happen. Or make arrangements so you can do both.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/02/2025 22:40

Theres a lot you could do to change this and the ideas below have already been suggested in a couple of responses so I'm just bringing them together here. .

Put your couple friends birthdays in your calendar and then don't book anything with your other friend for the weekends surrounding each birthday.

If you mainly get together with couple friends on the weekends then go out mid week with your single friend.

Or if you mainly get together with couple friends in the evening, meet your other friend for lunch or an afternoon event.

If you like to get together with the couple friends for a christmas catch up then you organise it so there is no clash.

Why don't you try doing this for 6 months and see if that addresses the issue for you.

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