When your own DH finds you disgusting

[Flipnflop09]

There's no coming back
This is how I real right now
Currently in tears while he sleeps

Did he say this to you?
What's been going on?
Is this normal in your relationship?
Sorry for your pain OP,

I am absolutely repulsive

Oh, you poor thing. What happened, OP? 💐

He didn't say this to me. But he's implied it imo.

What did he do?

Hi OP

No-one should be saying that to you. Please don’t take it to heart because it says more about how horrid he is, and is not truly a reflection on you.

Can you go somewhere else to sleep, even if it’s only the sofa? If a hot milky drink would help you sleep, have one and then try and get some rest.

Please, please, tell yourself You are the better person and he doesn’t deserve you.

A big hug for you from me. Don’t think forward, just get through the night.

Are you ok, OP? Xx

We've been out for drinks. A really good eve.
Got into bed, I suggested in a banter way that we could watch a few porn films next week together (I'm going into hospital for 4 weeks for cancer treatment the week after). He went into one, got dressed, stormed out of bed citing "I'm not watching gay" (I never suggested that and never have). Got dressed, came back to bed making some derogatory comments and went to sleep.

Obvs by suggesting the films I mean sex. We rarely have it - his choice . I feel blown out and repulsive

How did you interpret that as him finding you repulsive? What were his comments?
TBH, if my husband suggested watching porn, I’d feel gross. Maybe you made your DH feel gross?
Good luck with your cancer treatment, sending positive vibes.

I hope your cancer treatment goes well op.

I'm a bit confused as to why you suggested watching porn together, if you wanted sex .. couldn't you have just said?

I don't think he finds you disgusting from what you've said.

What a nasty way to treat you - no wonder you're feeling rejected after that.
Does he often go off on one unreasonably?

There are a million reasons why he might not want sex, and certainly not porn. I would be turned off too OP if i was him. I think you are really overreacting here, no one suggested you are repulsive. It sounds like life is difficult at the moment, I think you are projecting a bit.

It sounds like he was reacting badly to the suggestion of porn, not to sex with you and not finding you disgusting.
I really hope your treatment goes well

Hi OP

Do you think he possibly knew what you meant and used false outrage to not have sex? I don’t know why he chooses not to have sex but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

I expect you’ve asked him about it previously and he doesn’t want to talk about it - that’s another good indicator that you’re not the problem.

With your cancer treatment coming up, you may choose to not go into this with him at the moment. While you’re receiving treatment could be a time to think about what’s best for you in the future.

Lots of hugs for you. Don’t let his problems bring you down because you’re worth so much more than someone who won’t discuss any of this with you, his partner.

I don't understand why you suggested watching porn . I would find that disgusting.
I'm sorry you are going through cancer treatment.

He went straight to “I’m not watching gay”?

I mean I think all porn is repulsive. But saying that when you hadn’t even mentioned it is… suggestive.

Well that was an interesting thing he said actually. He doesn't want sex with you and when you suggested watching porn with him he immediately thought of watching men having sex and accuse you of accusing him of being gay. That might be worth thinking about actually.

I really hope your cancer treatment goes well. If I were you I would put all this out of my head now and think of it as his problem not yours. Once you are better you might want to start looking at your options.

From where I am sitting sweetheart, he is the repulsive one.

You are facing into cancer treatment and that utter bastard behaves like that! My lady bits would slam shut!

Is he often like that? Do you have any actual support in your life because he sounds about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Hugs xx

I think suggesting you watch other people having sex when it sounds as though he has some issues - possibly emotional, possibly physical - which are affecting his libido and ability to have sex was a bit of a shot in the dark. You really need some kind of relationship or couples counselling to get to the root of why there’s no sex in your relationship and how (or whether) that can be rekindled; but him not wanting to watch porn and being upset at the suggestion isn’t calling you repulsive. I don’t think there are many straight men who do watch porn who want to watch porn for the male aspect of it - which was presumably part of the plan.

My guess is that he is protesting too much. Your man has issues, not you. You need to seriously think about what you want and need from life and start getting your paperwork and files in order to make it possible to go and grab life by the balls as soon as you’re well again, because I can guarantee that you’re not going to want to let this man drag you backwards. You’re going to eclipse him.

I think this is just a massive misunderstanding. I hope you can sort it tomorrow. Sounds like a really tough time with emotions running high.
I think others are right about the porn comment confusing the situation.
If you had a nice night up until this point I'd sleep on it and then tomorrow clear the air by explaining it was a misunderstanding and what you really meant.
I'm sure you know now isn't the time to fall out. Good luck OP ❤️

Glad you picked up on this, too. OP, I feel the reason for his lack of interest in sex with you (or any other woman) may be becoming apparent. He didn't say or imply you're disgusting, by the way! But he may not realise what he did say.

It stinks that this has happened just as you're about to have cancer treatment. I hope it's totally successful for you and you make a smooth recovery
You can worry about other stuff later.

Men cannae win on this website can they? Wants to watch porn, disgusting pervert and probably a nonce. Doesn't want to watch porn, must be gay and closeted.

OP it sounds like the two of you are going through a hugely emotional time and maybe a wire or two has been crossed here. I don't think he's calling you repulsive. Now probably isn't the time to be getting into the nitty gritty of your relationship, which seems like it has some pretty big intimacy and communication issues, but perhaps once you've got through the woods of your cancer treatment (very best of luck of course 💐) it might be worth looking into some couples counselling to address these issues together?

It was a little out of context to suggest watching porn unless it's something they do or have done before though?

I agree and I'd probably be a bit thrown if my husband randomly suggested watching porn, especially if we weren't actually shagging much, I'm not sure what that's got to do with anything I said though.