What is the most miserable biscuit in existence?

[noblegiraffe]

DH and I are not eating sweet stuff for January and today he commented that he was so fed up with it he would even want to eat a really crap biscuit, so we were debating what that would be.

He reckoned the worst biscuit would be a Nice biscuit, but I think I would much rather eat one of those than a Garibaldi.

Is there a biscuit even more disappointing, that you would be less likely to accept an offer of than a Garibaldi biscuit?

Solidarity as I am also doing no sweet food January. Custard creams and Oreos at the top of my worst list. Top tier greatness are fox's choc coated cookie biscuits (gonna eat a few on the 1st Feb)

Perfect with butter and cheese or just butter. It’s the contrast of sweet and savoury - yum!

Fig roll 🤮🤮🤮

Bourbons. They promise chocolate but they never deliver.

Malted milk are the gest plain biscuit.

Hobnobs. I just can't get away with the texture

A rusk 😆

All these posters who hate fig rolls...I'm feeling a sense of profound sadness. I can't begin to tell you my excitement at finding out it was 'International Fig Newton Day' on Thursday - I was positively giddy at having an excuse to go buy a packet! 😂 🍪

Jammy dodgers

Used to be ok but goodness knows what they have done to them - bought some for the kids and we had to chuck them. Bland, flavourless, don't taste anything like food. Utterly gross

I love this @noblegiraffe !

I immediately thought Nice biscuit so I agree with your DH.

<goes off to read thread>

Now I must say something in defence of rich tea biscuits!! They are lovely!! And they have a lighter version now which is lovely too!! I think I only tried McVities’ versions, I didn’t even realise there were other versions (apart from Sainsburys’ version maybe, I can’t remember if I tried it or not). Nooo, I can’t remember eat thousands of them and one of my 5-year old twins too!

Plain digestive and malted milk. However gold digestives - now you’re talking.mmmmmm

Unbelievable Hovis love here. Madness.

Love a Rich Tea, lovely dunked. There's a chocolate covered one as well

Favourite is a chocolate digestive, or Chocolate hob nob.

There are some lovely square biscuits with really thick chocolate which I like but buy them so rarely can't remember what they are called

Not a fan if Nice biscuits and don't think I've ever had a Garabaldi

I agree

I don't like custard creams, but I understand why people like them.

I'm not sure I understand the point of a 'lighter' Rich Tea? There's nothing to the normal ones to be made lighter.

Rich tea, bland and pointless, personally I like malted milk and Nice biscuits

Fig roll - the only biscuit that doesn't improve when dunked in tea!

Fucking love a Rich Tea

They fall apart, not only are they a crappy biscuit they’re weak and pathetic too.

Fighting talk!

I will explain my position. They taste nothing of malt, and the suggestion of milk is a mockery, discharged by the inclusion of a primitively rendered cow. Perhaps she’s Pavlovian, or simply there to garner the sympathy vote, I don’t know, it’s not her fault either, clearly, that her noble image has been dragged into such a long-standing confidence trick.

They are also aesthetically and texturally bewildering - are they a member of the genus shortbread? If so, why then are they not richer? Even 29p ‘shortbread’ fingers are more dairyified than a Malted Milk. And if not, why so short? why so many crumbs? Why the structural risk of scalloped edges? Is it just to include another tiny death-of-hope element to a sorry shitshow of a product that can’t even be released from the packet without having to fetch the toddler-toy dustpan set we kept for the biscuit-tin drawer?

(I am definitely going to try a PP’s suggestion of walloping Nutella on them, though, sounds alright)

Rich Tea. They are not, in my opinion, deserving of the title "biscuit". They are basically crackers.

Rich tea or a plain digestive or maybe those biscoff ones that taste burnt ( I know I'm in the minority there though!)

Custard creams are great! Wash your mouths out! Haha

Lighter as in less fat/lower calorie

Iced Gems. They promise so much with their coloured icing, but the biscuits are dry and always disappoint.

I'm going to put a European biscuit into the running for best biscuit. Our Dutch friend, the Stroopwafel. Caramellly goodness sandwiched between 2 biscuity layers. A friend (who is Dutch) says you need get the Stroopwafel balanced across the rim of your tea or coffee cup to allow the caramel to soften. Yummy!