What is the most miserable biscuit in existence?

[noblegiraffe]

DH and I are not eating sweet stuff for January and today he commented that he was so fed up with it he would even want to eat a really crap biscuit, so we were debating what that would be.

He reckoned the worst biscuit would be a Nice biscuit, but I think I would much rather eat one of those than a Garibaldi.

Is there a biscuit even more disappointing, that you would be less likely to accept an offer of than a Garibaldi biscuit?

Malted Milks are a stalwart of the 'hefty plain biscuit' stable... leave them alone!

The Lemon Puff. Never as nice as you hope it will be.
Shorties - ditto, sandy and dry and not nice shortbread as the name implies.

Figs do not have minced up wasps in them, any more than any plant in the ground contains shit because it was fed manure or contains blood/bone because it was fed blood and bone meal... The wasp is long digested and gone before you consume the fig. Figs are lovely, hurrah for figs.

If you don't like mashed wasp, don't drink Cider, or apple juice, particularly the lovely free range organic home made small farm blah blah artisanal stuff. That contains a LOT of mashed insect in the fruit-squashing process and that isn't digested out either.

Anyway I digress, work is terribly boring today.

Rich Teas are a bit disappointing but I occasionally crave them... only suitable as a dunker though, when I am feeling a bit poorly.

Custard Creams can get in the bin.

Jammy Dodgers also, they always taste a bit stale and the jammy part is just nasty and super sweet and not remotely jam-like. More likely very apply flavoured rubber.

Marie or Thin Arrowroot. Even worse than the dreaded Rich Tea.

I did wonder as to if anything could be more boring than a Marie. Pity not enough people know just how boring they are, otherwise they would win this thread, hands down.

Except when used in a Smore.
Or with butter and / or Bovril on them.

I have bought them for my dogs though as a treat instead of dog biscuits. Sounds about right really 🤣

Next is Tennis biscuits. But believe it or not, they were completely sold out over Christmas. Could not get them for love nor money, anywhere, even the no name brand. Everyone had snapped them up to make Peppermint Crisp Tarts 😂

For me it's a fig roll!

I voted 'other'

Digestives are the worst biscuits ever. Not even much improved by the chocolate ones.

Even the name is offputting

I agree with someone above about lemon puffs (taste like floor cleaner) and jammy dodgers, horribly sweet but without any pleasantness to them. Far outranked by the happy face which has the creamy bit to it.

With all respect, the dark chocolate digestive biscuit is one of the most wonderful things ever. Expat Brits talk passionately about them together!
But those pink wafery things and custard creams should be abolished.

I buy jammy dodgers, custard creams and bourbons all the time because whilst my dh and kids eat them I can’t imagine how hungry I’d have to be to eat one of those. I like a rich tea, and garibaldi, my fave is hobnobs .

just asked dh , he says pink wafers are disgusting. I consider a pink wafer a luxury biscuit.

When I saw the title I thought Nice or Garibaldi and the OP is of the same
mind. I need to stand up for malted milks, I love them and could happily eat a whole pack dipped in a cup of tea…

Chocolate chip cookies are the lowlife of the biscuit tin. Rock hard chocolate lumps in a gritty casing.

I don't like Bourbons, I can taste vegetable oil type chocolate, sickly.

I'm not familiar with garibaldi. biscuits love nice biscuits. Mine would be a rich tea the most boring biscuits. But I love plain digestives.

I used to love the Asdas own but they changed the recipe. I've not found another one I like since.

There is only one use for pink wafers.

If you order a knickerbocker glory, it is incomplete without a pink wafer stuck in the side. It's then used as a vessel to transport your ice cream to your mouth, maybe twice or three times, until it disintegrates.

Are you sure you're talking about a pink wafer and not just a.... wafer?

Chocolate 'flavour' lumps

Fig roll here

I love Nice biscuits, I could eat a whole packet in one go! For me the worst ones are pink wafers, taste like cardboard. Also don’t like Jammy Dodgers.

Rich Tea. Most of the other biscuits mentioned at least make some kind of effort.
Rich Tea are just… meh.

Some of you have metaphorical biscuit grief down to a fine art! I'm especially liking the digestive as sadness in biscuit form, rich tea as the ultimate passive aggressive biscuit, and vibes of the rusty tea and community centre a la rich tea.

Topping my shit list are the monstrosities known as Oreos.

I'm also with the PPs who couldn't stand garibaldis, bourbons and malted milk 😬

Quite liked lemon puffs and Viennese Whirls through and have always favoured ginger biscuits.

Jaffa cakes are cakes <dons protective helmet>

Best biccies are indisputably Borders ones (butternut crunch). Oh, and I nearly forgot - florentines. Florentines are the biscuit of the gods. Alas, they originated in France and have nothing to do with Florence. I discovered this to my shame having scoured the bakeries of Florence in vain ...

Ha, garibaldi was the first that came to my mind.

Yup. At least the maryland ones. Gritty dust. (Whereas home made Cookies or bakery ones are chewy deliciousness)

Pink wafers: just dust.

Dust!

Exactly. You’d hardly know it was meant to be chocolate if not for the name.

I like a good quality full of butter biscuit. My favourite are the LU Le Petit Beurre Salted Butter Biscuits (historic French brand now owned by some multinational, but these are still the same).

But the very worst are custard creams and bourbons. Or wafer things.

I am not really keen on anything that is chocolate flavoured, I just like the real thing so I would put double chocolate chip cookies up there as way too much chocolate in one biscuit.