DD hates her hair being brushed

[Snowtimex7]

Hello, I have a four year old girl. Nearly five. She has long straight hair. It’s fine but there’s a lot of it. And unfortunately she follows me that her hair constantly tangles.
we have struggled for years with her hair but now it needs to be presentable and not knotty every single morning, it’s become a nightmare. We argue every single day and she goes to school with red cheeks. I hate arguing with her. I try not to but I would touch her head with a brush and instant screaming like I’m ripping her hair out. I’ve never ripped her out. Not sure if she has an over sensitive scalp or what

we are due another hair cut next week. Her hair is pretty long, reaching lower back. She refused to get it cut short. It’s her rapunzel hair. I’m not traumatising her by cutting it all off to prove a point.

I have bought so many hairbrushes and combs. She uses adult shampoo and conditioner. I have leave in sprays and argon oils. Every night I will braid it or put in a lose ponytail. She has to wear it up for school. And yet it’s still knotty.
if she wears it down it becomes a rats nest. So conditioner, and then I bribe her with the iPad to let me sit and comb it through but by bit. We do this at least once a week as it gets bad. Every other bath is done in sections. I never let her hair go unbrushed.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Has anyone had this? Has anything helped? Any special spray? I was thinking a stress ball for her? I don’t know I honestly don’t know. I can deal with brushing it I can’t deal with the pulling away and the screaming and crying and shouting every morning.

thanks

My DD's need to be constantly plaited, during the day and overnight, just undo, de-tangle spray, brush & re-plait. Even in a ponytail it gets super knotted. Letting her pick bobbles and hair clips works as bribey for letting me do it, and also distracts her a little if I give her the box of hair bits to look through while I brush.

If its at her lower back then thar is super long. I would get a big chunk cut off and its still long. Its not you just proving a point, it's you being a parent and making a sensible decision for a 4 year old. It's not traumatising. She might be upset but will get over it and will be happy with fewer battles about her hair. I agree to daily plaits. I don't know why you've carried on letting it get so long when you can't manage it.

My Dd had curly hair and it tangled and got knotted very easily. The best thing I found for it was to braid it when it was wet and then in the morning it wouldn't be so difficult to brush. She learnt the more she kicked up a fuss the longer it would take, in the end she just gave in and accepted her fate. Good luck OP because I feel your pain, no one wants a battle every morning!

If it's her "rapunzel hair" could you sing the song from the movie that rapunzel brushes her hair too? Maybe get a fancy rapunzel themed hair set and make a thing of it? Not sure if that'll make it easier or not!

Plaited day and night.
Probably doesn't need washing quite so frequently.
Products make hair sticky causing more tangled.
Comb in sections, but always start at the bottom of each section, holding the top part of the section in your fist and gradually working up towards the scalp.

I don't think cutting it would be proving a point, it would be parenting.
She can have it longer when she either lets you brush it, or can care for it herself.
I'm pretty certain there are some disney princesses with shorter hair. leave Rapunzel behind and embrace someone else.

Get it cut. We used to have huge traumas with DTs and hair. It was awful. They got bobs, by the time it grew out they were better with it being managed.

I was given the choice to cut it or let mam brush it

Since I wouldn't let her brush it , it was cut

Although I remember this issue, I still grew up happy and have not had a history of mental health problems as a result

Do you brush from the ends first and then work your way up?

My Mum used to start from the roots and it was agony! When a hairdresser showed her how to start from the ends and hold the hair and brush it out, it made a huge difference.

It could also be getting knotty because it needs a good trim. 3/4 inches off would still leave it very long and make a big difference.

Are you plaiting it tightly enough?

My daughter was the same (she had lots of sensory issues and hairbrushing was a big one — though I know that might not be relevant here). There is a brush (called the Tangle Teezer) and a spray (No More Tangles—Johnsons) that helped us hugely. As PP have said, braiding her hair at night if possible might also help prevent some of the tangling. Good luck—I remember the hairbrushing battles all too well!

Brushing it sounds traumatic for both of you. I've told DD plenty of times if she doesn't let me brush it nicely it's getting cut. That's not proving a point it's just managing it. I keep it a couple of inches shorter than she thinks she wants to keep it healthy.

Oh fgs, it’s hair. If she won’t have it brushed, she needs to have it cut. Those are the options to give her. You are the parent. Hair down to lower back is completely ridiculous, obviously not practical as well as unsightly.

Cut it. And check if it's actually curly not straight.

In the interim, are you brushing in sections from the bottom up or scalp down?

This isn't about the hair.

Id stop talking about it being rapunzel hair, the focus on extra long hair isn't helpful when you can't look after it.

At 4 she’s old enough to understand. She either lets you look after her long hair properly without arguments and bribery or it gets cut into something short and stylish that is easier to look after.

Present it as a positive choice and consequences.

I have two children with the same issue so I feel your pain. Things that work for us:

• A silk pillow case
• Childs Farm detangler spray
• Teasing the worst areas apart with fingers first once damp with spray
• Very small sections and holding the section at the top and brushing from the bottom

Even with all that sometimes they yelp and I’m not actually touching their hair!

the arguments usually involve me saying it will be cut off and that leads to more screaming. Then finally relents to letting me brush it and her telling me she’s sorry. So she understands she needs it brushed or it will be cut off. I’m not going to just go get it all cut off.

also she had around just under 15cm cut end of October and it’s grown back again. It grows quickly. We do get cuts. We had some light layers put in. I have one booked for Wednesday.

I brush from the ends up wards. Some days I can’t deal with the argument I brush over the top and bundle it in a ponytail that holds.

also the worst knots are around her neck and back of her head, so even if I cut it all off I can’t imagine it would actually do anything. The length holds no knots. All knots she gets are from sweating on her neck, sleeping back of her head or if anything gets in the front bit.

her hair is plaited after every bath. And at n night. she rolls around a lot in her sleep and gets hot so it mats. Her hair is hard to french plait as it’s fine it slips out as you are trying to braid it or after you’ve finished.

so still a bit lost.

I will try maybe getting her to pick her own table teaser. Maybe take her to pick her own hairbands.
I tried the Johnson spray, no help unfortunately

The pink give me cosmetics shampoo and conditioner along with their detangling brush help my daughter along with a detangling spray. Still have issues but alot better for us.

We had to get a spiral spring hair brush (it has a springy back which means it doesn't pull-it was cheap from Amazon) and cut 4 inches off to make any progress.

The fist time after the cut when the brush whooshed through made my daughter believe in hair cuts being good (and she still has hair long enough to plait).

Right now even if something works she will be upset about brushing as she associates it with a problem. If you cut a few inches off (just below shoulders is still long but hugely more manageable) it could be the reset you both need to break the emotional pattern.

This! I don’t even pick up a brush and I can lift her hair and she can freak. It fully depends on her mood how bad she reacts.

I will try the silk pillowcase! I didn’t think of that one. Thank you for the advice!

Why don't you go to a hairdressers and get layers etc cut so it still seems long and bouncy. Present it as a grown up spa day/pamper

My youngest used to hate having his face moisturised. But it was essential for his skin type. So I used to roleplay as a spa treatment.. He loved a Peppa Pig episode when the mum goes to the spa day and was obsessed with the idea of cucumber on his eyes lol

You need to French braid it tightly every night/day to prevent knots if she won't have it combed
Spray conditioner on, gel and braid tightly and then you can just hairspray it in morning

It sounds very long even cutting to my below the shoulder would help and it would still be "long hair".
I used to tell my DDs that we had to cut hair so it grew stronger.
Then I would just leave it plaited tbh, take it out each morning, detangle spray and brush then re-plait it

Keep in mind she may be autistic as this level of sensory sensitivity especially for hair is very common, plus the rigidity around not wanting it cut.

Totally agree
This child has watched too much Disney Princess and is calling the shots