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Original poster

Is this a rubbish present for 18 year old DD

96 replies

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:04

Dd turns 18 in a few weeks and I am obviously considering her birthday and presents.

She received a MacBook for Christmas as joint bday and Christmas main present and if DH had his was that would be all she gets but obviously that’s not going to happen and she will have some nice bits to open as she did on Christmas.

however.

We were a two family up until about 9 months ago when our 2nd (very old car) failed its MOT and it wasn’t worth bringing back to life. We were gutted to lose its as not only had it done us well but DD was learning to drive in it and she had named it her car and was absolutely devastated when it went.

It now so happens we are reconsidering another 2nd car as our bigger car is costing us a fortune for day to day running and obviously we are putting lots of miles on it.

This car will predominantly be for DH to run about in (I don’t drive) but also for DD to restart practicing/learning and I guess share and know she will be absolutely delighted when she finds out.

She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar.

Can we do this with this car?!

DH thinks no, it would be mean to gift it and then ruin the magic by lots of caveats, it’s not just for her, it’s a share car that her younger sister (18 months behind) will also learn to drive in blah blah blah..

I personally think that a car in the driveway with bow on it and much more in keeping with the kind of shiny cars her friends all have on her 18th will blow her mind and she won’t care who she has to share it with, especially when this an extra after her MacBook!

Before I ask if you are team mr or DH and so not to drip feed a few things to consider.

We cannot afford to pay for driving lessons for DD at the moment, certainly not one a week but DD does have a good part time job and could easily pay for herself if she wanted and DH loves taking her out and happily does so daily.

Car is mostly for DH, we have horses so need bigger car for towing and smaller car for lots running about up and down to the yard, shops, kid taxi service etc however DD is at college during the week and will have access to it most evenings and weekends.

DD is going to uni this year and even if car was solely for her, is going to a city where she wouldn’t able to have a car. She is close enough that she might be back some weekends and will obviously be able to use in the hols.

As above, middle DD turns 17 this year and will also likely want to learn to drive and will use this car.

DD would have absolutely adored a cliche moment of a car with a bow being in the drive way on her 17th and think because she is expecting even less this year would be the happiest 18 year old ever if I could make it happen..

So what do you think we should do?!

OP posts:
kiraric · 09/01/2025 18:06

It sounds like a terrible present - not really for her and she can't use it without spending her own money to learn.

Bibbitybobbity70 · 09/01/2025 18:09

It's rubbish & you know that already. Forget the cliche moment, not all 18yr olds get a car anyway but this isn't even going to be her car!

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 09/01/2025 18:09

There is no point to her having a car, It's rubbish, sorry.

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mynameiscalypso · 09/01/2025 18:10

I'd be really disappointed if there was a car on my driveway for my birthday and then you told me it wasn't actually for me.

Ted27 · 09/01/2025 18:11

But it's not for her is it? It's for your DH which she can use, not a present for her at all

Not everyone wakes up to a car on the birthday.
I'd think of something else.

IfYouLook · 09/01/2025 18:11

mynameiscalypso · 09/01/2025 18:10

I'd be really disappointed if there was a car on my driveway for my birthday and then you told me it wasn't actually for me.

This. Daft idea and she would then look daft to her friends saying it’s actually my Dads car.

cansu · 09/01/2025 18:12

Sounds like a terrible idea. It isn't going to be her car so you are only going to be disappointing her. As she can't even drive and is going away it is even more daft. Get her a nice piece of jewellery.

Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:15

Ok I’m happy to be told this is a terrible present from the sharing point of view but hardly expecting her to sell a kidney to fund it.

We will buy, tax and insure (her) pay for fuel and DH will take her out whenever she wants. He already had got her to quite a good level in our old car, motorway, manoeuvres, confidently over taking, merge and turn, driving in the dark etc.

We also paid for a young drivers course to get her started

Unfortunately circumstances have changed and driving lessons on top of expensive hobbies and upcoming uni/halls etc is just not possible at moment.

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 09/01/2025 18:16

She hasn't got a driving licence.
She isn't having lessons.
You aren't paying for lessons for her.
Therefore no current likelihood of her driving it.
And it'll then be for her to share?

Absolutely pointless.

CornishPorsche · 09/01/2025 18:17

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:15

Ok I’m happy to be told this is a terrible present from the sharing point of view but hardly expecting her to sell a kidney to fund it.

We will buy, tax and insure (her) pay for fuel and DH will take her out whenever she wants. He already had got her to quite a good level in our old car, motorway, manoeuvres, confidently over taking, merge and turn, driving in the dark etc.

We also paid for a young drivers course to get her started

Unfortunately circumstances have changed and driving lessons on top of expensive hobbies and upcoming uni/halls etc is just not possible at moment.

He took a learner on the motorway? You know that's illegal?

ETA - unless he's a qualified driving instructor and it was a dual control car.

titchy · 09/01/2025 18:17

Slightly gobsmacked that you can't afford driving lessons, but can afford a horse and two cars when only your dh drives.

To answer your OP - no, awful idea. Get her a nice necklace or something.

Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:18

Thank everyone, I will take your comments on board. I personally didn’t think it would be a terrible present as knew how happy she was to call “her” old car hers, even though it was really DH’s and like most teenagers she lives for the cliche moments but can see I’m in the minority and will go back to the drawing board.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 09/01/2025 18:20

If it was actually going to be hers (as in, registered keeper, she can sell it etc, then great). If it was going to be 'yours' but for her sole use and then taking to uni, then great too.

If it will mostly be inaccessible as it is actually for her Dad to be the primary user and will then be given to her sister very shortly when she leaves home, it isn't actually "giving her a car" (lovely and privileged though the situation of having the car in the family is) so I wouldn't present it as that, especially not as a birthday gift.

It is also a massive nightmare wrt expectations for younger siblings: "you gave her a brand new nice car on her birthday, where is mine?" "You gave her a MacBook and a new car, why do I only get a MacBook for Xmas and birthday combined? (I know you said that to her too, but then she still woke up to a surprise car so that's what I thought you would do for me as well!)"

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 09/01/2025 18:20

That's not a present for her, you can't do that and put a how on it then tell her oh not really it's your dad's car but you can use it sometimes.

Out of interest who do the horses belong to?

FrannyScraps · 09/01/2025 18:21

I was going to feel a bit sorry for you being a low income family and trying to do a nice big present for your daughter's 18th.

Then I read you have 2 cars just for your dh to drive and maintain horses! Jeez,

Totaleclipseofthemind · 09/01/2025 18:22

Terrible idea and just for show.

How long has your DH had horses?

Unless your DH is a qualified ADI he is not allowed in a motorway with a learner. Insurance is nullified.

BellissimoGecko · 09/01/2025 18:22

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:15

Ok I’m happy to be told this is a terrible present from the sharing point of view but hardly expecting her to sell a kidney to fund it.

We will buy, tax and insure (her) pay for fuel and DH will take her out whenever she wants. He already had got her to quite a good level in our old car, motorway, manoeuvres, confidently over taking, merge and turn, driving in the dark etc.

We also paid for a young drivers course to get her started

Unfortunately circumstances have changed and driving lessons on top of expensive hobbies and upcoming uni/halls etc is just not possible at moment.

Motorway? Is he a qualified driving instructor? Only they can take learners onto a motorway.

kiraric · 09/01/2025 18:22

Unfortunately circumstances have changed and driving lessons on top of expensive hobbies and upcoming uni/halls etc is just not possible at moment.

That's fine, it's not a big deal that you can't afford it - it's just a bit of a shit present to give someone something that is a) really for someone else most of the time and b) requires her to spend her own money when she might not even want to

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 09/01/2025 18:22

I think if the horses are hers and part of her expensive hobby she should understand there won't be lots of other lavish gifts. If the horses and the costs (including the big car for towing) are for a sibling or parent it seems very unfair

DuesToTheDirt · 09/01/2025 18:27

"She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar."

Guess you move in very different circles from me. No kids I know were given a car for their 17th, 18th, or at any point come to that.

Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:35

DuesToTheDirt · 09/01/2025 18:27

"She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar."

Guess you move in very different circles from me. No kids I know were given a car for their 17th, 18th, or at any point come to that.

We live quite rurally, teenagers want to drive quickly (if they can) to get the hell out for here and parents quickly realised with only dodgy
limited village busses they are going to spend the rest of there evenings ferrying said teenagers about so are lot quicker to facilitate

Im originally from a large capital city and no one got a car in teenage years either.

OP posts:
devilspawn · 09/01/2025 18:39

So her present options for her 18th birthday are 1) half a laptop she's already received at Christmas and 2) use of her dad's car after being fooled into thinking it's actually a car for her?

I'm surprised she hasn't tried to get adopted by someone else.

Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:41

devilspawn · 09/01/2025 18:39

So her present options for her 18th birthday are 1) half a laptop she's already received at Christmas and 2) use of her dad's car after being fooled into thinking it's actually a car for her?

I'm surprised she hasn't tried to get adopted by someone else.

Yes she is totally neglected, you have got me!

OP posts:
devilspawn · 09/01/2025 18:44

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:41

Yes she is totally neglected, you have got me!

Show quote history

She's 18, have you considered getting her something that's meaningful or lasting? As in an experience she'll have great memories from or some kind of item she can keep forever and remember turning 18?

What you've mentioned either seems like you don't care about her very much, or you're bad at buying presents. A loan of an item and half an item, both of which will be gone or out of her possession in 3-5 years.

Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:48

devilspawn · 09/01/2025 18:44

She's 18, have you considered getting her something that's meaningful or lasting? As in an experience she'll have great memories from or some kind of item she can keep forever and remember turning 18?

What you've mentioned either seems like you don't care about her very much, or you're bad at buying presents. A loan of an item and half an item, both of which will be gone or out of her possession in 3-5 years.

Edited
Show quote history

But you have no idea what she is receiving…

Did you skip this bit in my OP?!

“but obviously that’s not going to happen and she will have some nice bits to open as she did on Christmas”

OP posts:
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