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Original poster

Is this a rubbish present for 18 year old DD

96 replies

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:04

Dd turns 18 in a few weeks and I am obviously considering her birthday and presents.

She received a MacBook for Christmas as joint bday and Christmas main present and if DH had his was that would be all she gets but obviously that’s not going to happen and she will have some nice bits to open as she did on Christmas.

however.

We were a two family up until about 9 months ago when our 2nd (very old car) failed its MOT and it wasn’t worth bringing back to life. We were gutted to lose its as not only had it done us well but DD was learning to drive in it and she had named it her car and was absolutely devastated when it went.

It now so happens we are reconsidering another 2nd car as our bigger car is costing us a fortune for day to day running and obviously we are putting lots of miles on it.

This car will predominantly be for DH to run about in (I don’t drive) but also for DD to restart practicing/learning and I guess share and know she will be absolutely delighted when she finds out.

She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar.

Can we do this with this car?!

DH thinks no, it would be mean to gift it and then ruin the magic by lots of caveats, it’s not just for her, it’s a share car that her younger sister (18 months behind) will also learn to drive in blah blah blah..

I personally think that a car in the driveway with bow on it and much more in keeping with the kind of shiny cars her friends all have on her 18th will blow her mind and she won’t care who she has to share it with, especially when this an extra after her MacBook!

Before I ask if you are team mr or DH and so not to drip feed a few things to consider.

We cannot afford to pay for driving lessons for DD at the moment, certainly not one a week but DD does have a good part time job and could easily pay for herself if she wanted and DH loves taking her out and happily does so daily.

Car is mostly for DH, we have horses so need bigger car for towing and smaller car for lots running about up and down to the yard, shops, kid taxi service etc however DD is at college during the week and will have access to it most evenings and weekends.

DD is going to uni this year and even if car was solely for her, is going to a city where she wouldn’t able to have a car. She is close enough that she might be back some weekends and will obviously be able to use in the hols.

As above, middle DD turns 17 this year and will also likely want to learn to drive and will use this car.

DD would have absolutely adored a cliche moment of a car with a bow being in the drive way on her 17th and think because she is expecting even less this year would be the happiest 18 year old ever if I could make it happen..

So what do you think we should do?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 19:22

FerretChops · 09/01/2025 19:21

Well, you know your daughter don't you? We don't. On the face of it, doesn't seem like a great gift

But if you think she'd enjoy it and if you can have a bit of a laugh and say (immediately!) 'ha like the car before you're going to have to share with dad etc' then why the hell not as a bit of fun?

Thank you I genuinely thought she really would.

OP posts:
DancefloorAcrobatics · 09/01/2025 19:27

Get her something small and personal.

I think you can still get the car (without the bow and maybe some driving lessons or pay for the test.)

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:27

I think people are being unnecessarily mean about this.

i probably wouldn’t wrap it in a bow if it’s not technically and 100% hers, however if you could get her a few driving lessons and explain that the car will be very much for her use, then that’s more gift-worthy imo.

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OneOfTheTwo · 09/01/2025 19:27

My Mum did this to me. Bad present IMO.

What would be more sensible is a block of driving lessons.

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:28

Oh, and…..learners aren’t allowed on the motorway!

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 19:32

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:28

Oh, and…..learners aren’t allowed on the motorway!

They are, but they have to be in a dual control car with an instructor.

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 19:33

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:27

I think people are being unnecessarily mean about this.

i probably wouldn’t wrap it in a bow if it’s not technically and 100% hers, however if you could get her a few driving lessons and explain that the car will be very much for her use, then that’s more gift-worthy imo.

I think it's mean to wrap a gift that isn't a gift

loserosedozewoes · 09/01/2025 19:36

Aw OP, of course we want to do nice things for our kids and you were clearly very excited to do this for your DD, who sounds like a lovely and sensible young woman.

But it's good that you've taken the comments on board that this would not be a great idea in reality. As soon as your DD sees the bow she's going to think the car is all for her - that is the significance of it, after all. So she'll probably be delighted. Until it's explained to her that it's actually not for her sole use.

And it sounds like she never would have ever assumed that she's getting a car but if you wrap a car up for her (put a bow on it) you'd be actively encouraging her to believe that she is. She might be a bit disappointed then when she had never been expecting it in the first place.

Wonderi · 09/01/2025 19:38

I think it would be absolutely awful and put a big downer on her day.

I don’t understand why you had 2 cars when you don’t even drive.
That’s madness!!

Sell the car you’ve got now and buy a new car and DD some driving lessons.

kiraric · 09/01/2025 19:38

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 19:21

Like I said in my OP we need the bigger car for towing.

We have two horses and we need a car that can safely help transport them.

However it isn’t economical or financially feasible to use it as a run around.

Show quote history

Does it really cost more than the tax, insurance, MOT, all the costs of a second vehicle?

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:44

I appreciate I learned to drive a long time ago, but you could only go on the motorway after you’d passed. There was a thing called “pass plus”. Anyway, I stand corrected. Though the op has not confirmed that her husband is a qualified driving instructor, which I’m guessing he isn’t.

Babadook76 · 09/01/2025 19:46

Starryknightcloud · 09/01/2025 19:22

Oh I think it's nice! Surely she'll just be chuffed to have something she can drive a bit. Maybe could wrap her a set of keys instead so it's more about her use of it then the gift of a whole car if that feels misleading.

But that’s what she’s already doing now? She doesn’t have a license so her dad goes out with her in it when she wants to drive around. And she can only drive it when he’s not already using it and he’s available. And it’ll be the exact same after the ops pretended it’s hers for her birthday? She’ll still have no license and will still only be able to drive it when her dad can take her out in it…

Peaceatlast01 · 09/01/2025 19:48

Has two cars but only one driver, has horses, has just bought 1 daughter a MacBook so can probs assume the two other kids had expensive Christmas presents as well…

But can’t afford a few driving lessons as a gift 🫤

titchy · 09/01/2025 19:49

she will have likely full use off whenever she wants and will have her tax, fuel and insurance paid for would be that shit of a present!

Except she hasn't passed her test or had proper lessons (she may well have developed really crap habits by now), mY not want to use her own money for lessons and only has 8 months left at home!

hattie43 · 09/01/2025 19:49

A car share is not an 18th birthday gift is it .
You can't afford to gift your daughter a car .

Heartofmetal · 09/01/2025 19:51

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:15

Ok I’m happy to be told this is a terrible present from the sharing point of view but hardly expecting her to sell a kidney to fund it.

We will buy, tax and insure (her) pay for fuel and DH will take her out whenever she wants. He already had got her to quite a good level in our old car, motorway, manoeuvres, confidently over taking, merge and turn, driving in the dark etc.

We also paid for a young drivers course to get her started

Unfortunately circumstances have changed and driving lessons on top of expensive hobbies and upcoming uni/halls etc is just not possible at moment.

You do know learners aren’t permitted to drive on the motorway right?!!

NordicwithTeen · 09/01/2025 19:51

Is she going to Uni? Obviously that would mean she couldn't use it regularly. The best thing about having a car when you g is doing camping/road trips with friends, which she won't be able to do if it means borrowing the family car...

Can you get a cheaper "big" new car (Skodas get rave reviews) and a small 2nd hand for her?

Heybugee · 09/01/2025 19:54

I couldn’t be bothered to read all your reasons but sticking a bow on a car that isn’t actually for her is crap. Don’t do it.

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 19:55

@Heartofmetal

You do know learners aren’t permitted to drive on the motorway right?!!

They are with an instructor, and dual controls.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 09/01/2025 19:56

Apart from the fact that its your husband’s car not hers, if she goes to university and your younger daughter learns to drive, your younger daughter may use it more so I think it’s not a great present from that perspective either.

Totaleclipseofthemind · 09/01/2025 19:57

If passing her driving test is a priority because you live rurally why has it taken so long? I taught my DC in my car and they both passed at 17 and a half. They had a couple of driving lessons each in a manual. Didn’t pass first time (both 2nd) but we kept booking via a cancellation App. I would work out a plan to get her passed asap now she is 18.

AlwaysFreezing · 09/01/2025 19:57

She's incredibly lucky to have that kind of access to a car at her age.

But the (funded) access to a car is not the same as being given a car as a present. You cannot put a bow on access.

If you give a car as a gift, it means you put the car in their name and it's their car, that they do not need to share if they don't want to. Heck, they could sell it the day after. If you give a car as a gift, you can put a giant bow on it.

Isobel201 · 09/01/2025 19:58

Zippidydoodah · 09/01/2025 19:28

Oh, and…..learners aren’t allowed on the motorway!

yes they can but they need to be supervised by an instructor.

Wonderi · 09/01/2025 20:00

Peaceatlast01 · 09/01/2025 19:48

Has two cars but only one driver, has horses, has just bought 1 daughter a MacBook so can probs assume the two other kids had expensive Christmas presents as well…

But can’t afford a few driving lessons as a gift 🫤

It’s absolutely mad that they’re paying to run 2 cars, whilst one sits unused the majority and of the time.
And they can’t afford driving lessons.

Thornybush · 09/01/2025 20:02

I think it's a lovely idea OP and she's very lucky to have a thoughtful Mum 🥰

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