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Original poster

Is this a rubbish present for 18 year old DD

96 replies

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:04

Dd turns 18 in a few weeks and I am obviously considering her birthday and presents.

She received a MacBook for Christmas as joint bday and Christmas main present and if DH had his was that would be all she gets but obviously that’s not going to happen and she will have some nice bits to open as she did on Christmas.

however.

We were a two family up until about 9 months ago when our 2nd (very old car) failed its MOT and it wasn’t worth bringing back to life. We were gutted to lose its as not only had it done us well but DD was learning to drive in it and she had named it her car and was absolutely devastated when it went.

It now so happens we are reconsidering another 2nd car as our bigger car is costing us a fortune for day to day running and obviously we are putting lots of miles on it.

This car will predominantly be for DH to run about in (I don’t drive) but also for DD to restart practicing/learning and I guess share and know she will be absolutely delighted when she finds out.

She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar.

Can we do this with this car?!

DH thinks no, it would be mean to gift it and then ruin the magic by lots of caveats, it’s not just for her, it’s a share car that her younger sister (18 months behind) will also learn to drive in blah blah blah..

I personally think that a car in the driveway with bow on it and much more in keeping with the kind of shiny cars her friends all have on her 18th will blow her mind and she won’t care who she has to share it with, especially when this an extra after her MacBook!

Before I ask if you are team mr or DH and so not to drip feed a few things to consider.

We cannot afford to pay for driving lessons for DD at the moment, certainly not one a week but DD does have a good part time job and could easily pay for herself if she wanted and DH loves taking her out and happily does so daily.

Car is mostly for DH, we have horses so need bigger car for towing and smaller car for lots running about up and down to the yard, shops, kid taxi service etc however DD is at college during the week and will have access to it most evenings and weekends.

DD is going to uni this year and even if car was solely for her, is going to a city where she wouldn’t able to have a car. She is close enough that she might be back some weekends and will obviously be able to use in the hols.

As above, middle DD turns 17 this year and will also likely want to learn to drive and will use this car.

DD would have absolutely adored a cliche moment of a car with a bow being in the drive way on her 17th and think because she is expecting even less this year would be the happiest 18 year old ever if I could make it happen..

So what do you think we should do?!

OP posts:

Cosycover · 09/01/2025 18:50

Is your husband actually taking her on the motorway?

justthatreallyagain · 09/01/2025 18:52

Well I guess you can kept the bow and do a redo for her sister’s birthday since she is also going to be using the car. Seriously you can’t do that - it’s not just for her so why get her hopes up to explain you just wanted her to feel excited for a second before you crushed her dream by telling her it’s not for her really …
just do a reveal with a car cover for both kids hey this is our new family car

adamduritzvocalchords · 09/01/2025 18:54

I honestly think it would be quite cruel. Let her think she has been given a car and then tell her it actually means she can use it sometimes (when no one else is using it). My Dd would have immediately FaceTimed her mates and then been so embarrassed when having to back track.

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zeibesaffron · 09/01/2025 18:55

Sorry, agree with everyone else this is a terrible present.

Also she should not be learning on the motorway!

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 18:55

That's would be a horrible thing to do to her.

Original poster

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:57

I guess I just didn’t appreciate a car share, for an 18 year old in a fairly smart car which she will have likely full use off whenever she wants and will have her tax, fuel and insurance paid for would be that shit of a present!

Like I’ve said I’m taking on board what people are saying apart from the bit about me being a shit parent and DD probably wishing she was adopted and obviously it isn’t a popular option.

OP posts:

ErinAoife · 09/01/2025 18:58

No unless the car is really hers to keep. It would be kind of cruel to have a bow on it and told her by the way it is not really yours, it is a shared car.

DumbBachagoop · 09/01/2025 18:58

You're suggesting her 18th birthday present would be you allowing her to drive her father's car sometimes. That is in no way a gift.

TickingAlongNicely · 09/01/2025 18:59

Get her some driving lessons!

delphinedupont · 09/01/2025 19:00

Is she insured on your current car? If not, and if you’re getting the car anyway, could you print her some sort of certificate or voucher saying you’ve paid to insure her on the car and you’ll take her out for lessons? As insurance wouldn’t be cheap and it’s something that she would otherwise have to fund herself?

Normallynumb · 09/01/2025 19:03

She isn't taking lessons
She doesn't have a licence
It wouldn't be just for her
So, all she could do is sit in it on the driveway?
Rubbish present and I can't really understand your thinking

stichguru · 09/01/2025 19:05

Could you get the car, park it on the drive and then do some funny voucher that's kind of a piss take of vouchers that companies do? You know magazines and stuff sometimes have random 1/2 price vouchers for expensive things, that are still a good amount 1/2 price. Are often for things you wouldn't actually want if they cost £0.00, and might not be able to afford 1/2 price, but if you happen to want them and can afford them 1/2 price it's a good deal?!

If you see what I mean, I think to pretend that you'd generously got her a car for her birthday, when it is really a car that she can't drive yet, and that will be used by DH and her sister too, is rather horrid. However actually also, compared to a lot of teens, having access to a smart car that she has no way of funding herself, and having a father who will take her out to practice is actually quite cool compared to a lot of kids who don't get any help with a car and can't get one until they are years older than 17/18.

Original poster

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 19:07

Normallynumb · 09/01/2025 19:03

She isn't taking lessons
She doesn't have a licence
It wouldn't be just for her
So, all she could do is sit in it on the driveway?
Rubbish present and I can't really understand your thinking

like I’ve said I’m definitely taking on board peoples views but this is simply not true?!

Why would she just sit in the driveway?!

Did read my OP?!

She has her provisional and was out with DH every day in our previous car, anytime he wanted to go out she would drive..

OP posts:

LostMyLanyard · 09/01/2025 19:10

It's an absolutely crappy present!! Utterly worthless to your non-driving DD and an utter cop out!! Don't do this to her...it's a fucking awful idea!!

MyDeepZebra · 09/01/2025 19:12

I could see this ending up on one of those "things your parents did" threads.

Might be better to start her off with a fund to buy her own little banger car eventually, or towards driving lessons?

FrannyScraps · 09/01/2025 19:14

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 19:07

like I’ve said I’m definitely taking on board peoples views but this is simply not true?!

Why would she just sit in the driveway?!

Did read my OP?!

She has her provisional and was out with DH every day in our previous car, anytime he wanted to go out she would drive..

Show quote history

Is there a reason you're avoiding the motorway questions OP?

FamBae · 09/01/2025 19:14

You told her that her MacBook was a joint Christmas/Birthday present and that's fine they are expensive; so I'm guessing you spent much more on her than her younger sister? I really think you need to follow through on this, yes get a couple of nice bits for her to open on the day but I'm with your dh on this one.
I think the grand reveal of the car with the bow is more for you than your daughter.

kiraric · 09/01/2025 19:15

It's a nice thing to do for her and it's totally fine that you can't afford to get her her own car and lessons but what it isn't is a birthday present

FlamingoQueen · 09/01/2025 19:17

My DD is 18 soon. I would not wrap my car up for her with a big bow (sorry!).

amostpeculiarperson · 09/01/2025 19:18

If money is tight why do you have two cars when you don't drive? I get your 'big' car is costly to run, and probably too expensive to insure for your dd, but surely you could trade it in for something more economical/ practical and better on insurance for your dd? I don't see how running two cars (tax, insurance, servicing, MOTs etc) makes financial sense, wouldn't dd 1 and dd 2 prefer actual driving lessons, and then if and when they pass look at getting a small car for them both to use?

ListenDontJudge · 09/01/2025 19:20

I don't think you can do that. You could mark up a little bit of the car and put a tiny bow on it, to reflect that the car is barely hers.

FerretChops · 09/01/2025 19:21

Well, you know your daughter don't you? We don't. On the face of it, doesn't seem like a great gift

But if you think she'd enjoy it and if you can have a bit of a laugh and say (immediately!) 'ha like the car before you're going to have to share with dad etc' then why the hell not as a bit of fun?

Original poster

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 19:21

amostpeculiarperson · 09/01/2025 19:18

Like I said in my OP we need the bigger car for towing.

We have two horses and we need a car that can safely help transport them.

However it isn’t economical or financially feasible to use it as a run around.

OP posts:

Starryknightcloud · 09/01/2025 19:22

Oh I think it's nice! Surely she'll just be chuffed to have something she can drive a bit. Maybe could wrap her a set of keys instead so it's more about her use of it then the gift of a whole car if that feels misleading.

Crunchymum · 09/01/2025 19:22

So not only is it a shared car and she isn't yet able drive but she is off to Uni in September so won't have any use of the car for huge periods of time?

I think you are too focused on wrapping the car in a bow, without being practical

By all means tell her she'll be able to use it when she passes her test (and you'll fund her insurance etc) but you can't put a bow on a car that isn't really hers and she won't get much use out of.

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