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Original poster

Is this a rubbish present for 18 year old DD

96 replies

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 18:04

Dd turns 18 in a few weeks and I am obviously considering her birthday and presents.

She received a MacBook for Christmas as joint bday and Christmas main present and if DH had his was that would be all she gets but obviously that’s not going to happen and she will have some nice bits to open as she did on Christmas.

however.

We were a two family up until about 9 months ago when our 2nd (very old car) failed its MOT and it wasn’t worth bringing back to life. We were gutted to lose its as not only had it done us well but DD was learning to drive in it and she had named it her car and was absolutely devastated when it went.

It now so happens we are reconsidering another 2nd car as our bigger car is costing us a fortune for day to day running and obviously we are putting lots of miles on it.

This car will predominantly be for DH to run about in (I don’t drive) but also for DD to restart practicing/learning and I guess share and know she will be absolutely delighted when she finds out.

She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar.

Can we do this with this car?!

DH thinks no, it would be mean to gift it and then ruin the magic by lots of caveats, it’s not just for her, it’s a share car that her younger sister (18 months behind) will also learn to drive in blah blah blah..

I personally think that a car in the driveway with bow on it and much more in keeping with the kind of shiny cars her friends all have on her 18th will blow her mind and she won’t care who she has to share it with, especially when this an extra after her MacBook!

Before I ask if you are team mr or DH and so not to drip feed a few things to consider.

We cannot afford to pay for driving lessons for DD at the moment, certainly not one a week but DD does have a good part time job and could easily pay for herself if she wanted and DH loves taking her out and happily does so daily.

Car is mostly for DH, we have horses so need bigger car for towing and smaller car for lots running about up and down to the yard, shops, kid taxi service etc however DD is at college during the week and will have access to it most evenings and weekends.

DD is going to uni this year and even if car was solely for her, is going to a city where she wouldn’t able to have a car. She is close enough that she might be back some weekends and will obviously be able to use in the hols.

As above, middle DD turns 17 this year and will also likely want to learn to drive and will use this car.

DD would have absolutely adored a cliche moment of a car with a bow being in the drive way on her 17th and think because she is expecting even less this year would be the happiest 18 year old ever if I could make it happen..

So what do you think we should do?!

OP posts:

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 09/01/2025 20:12

Not really the same, but when I was 14 there was an item I wanted that cost £50. My parents wouldn't spend more than £25 on us. They could afford more, they just didn't want to spend money on us. This was 2003. I asked for the item for Christmas assuming it would be a joint gift from parents and grandparents. On Christmas morning I was given a present labelled ' Dear Close, love from Mum and Dad'. When I opened it it was the item I wanted. I was so thrilled they had got it for me, until my Dad said 'you owe me £25, don't forget'. I was so disappointed. You don't forget that kind of disappointment, when you think you've been gifted something and you haven't really, and I think it would be much worse with something so much more expensive.

Heartofmetal · 09/01/2025 20:13

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 19:55

@Heartofmetal



You do know learners aren’t permitted to drive on the motorway right?!!

They are with an instructor, and dual controls.

Which isn’t the same as in her dad’s car…

Original poster

Think1andthink2 · 09/01/2025 20:14

Thornybush · 09/01/2025 20:02

I think it's a lovely idea OP and she's very lucky to have a thoughtful Mum 🥰

Thank you, I always try to be.

OP posts:

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thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 20:17

Which isn’t the same as in her dad’s car

Well no it's not, but if you want to be pedantic, saying 'You do know learners aren’t permitted to drive on the motorway right?!!' indicates you mean learners cannot go on the motorway; not just OPDD

NewNeolithic · 09/01/2025 20:28

Don't set a precedent for one DD that you can't do for the other. Will DD2 have a bow on the same car when she is 18? Or 17 and can drive? The bow to me says DD1 will have priority (when she's home) even though it's Dad's car, really. I think you need to be really careful about the expectations that bow sets (speaking as someone with two DDs who 'share' our old banger when they're home. I can't imagine the fuss if we had caused one to think it was more hers than the other).

user2848502016 · 09/01/2025 20:36

Well it's terrible because it's not actually a present for her is it?!
Get her a few little bits to open on the day instead that are actually for her. At 18 she's old enough to understand that she's had a joint Christmas and birthday present so is just getting something small to go with that (assume she agreed to the joint gift thing!).
It doesn't matter what her friends got, a new car for a 17/18 year old is madness anyway.

fanaticalfairy · 09/01/2025 20:41

Happy birthday OP, here's an iPhone 16 Pro with pretty bow for you*!!! 😀🎂🎊🥳

Well, it's actually for me, but you can borrow it sometimes.

Printedword · 09/01/2025 20:41

Can I just ask why your household had 2 cars and one driver?

Jk987 · 09/01/2025 20:45

The MacBook was an amazing present! She'll be massively grateful for that surely?

I'd get her some smaller gifts like cosmetics or clothing and a meal out.

thesaskedminger · 09/01/2025 20:47

Printedword · 09/01/2025 20:41

Can I just ask why your household had 2 cars and one driver?

OP needs a big car to take her horses places and it costs too much to run day to day.

Wonderi · 09/01/2025 21:11

Have your circumstances changed OP?

I’m wondering how you can afford horses and 2 cars but then are struggling financially elsewhere.

Maurepas · 09/01/2025 21:16

Not read many PPs but I think it is a bad idea to put a bow in any car, just ostentatious and like one sees on TV old adverts? Also it's untruthful on this case as it is not a ''present'' for DD at all as other people will mostly be using it. What if you do that and she is very disappointed the car doesn't actually belong to her or for her sole use? Actually a bit cruel and silly.

StickyProblem · 09/01/2025 21:58

You know her best and it sounds like the insta moment of seeing the car is something she would really like.

Similar to what a PP suggested, could you wrap half of it or something so she could take a photo from one side and it looks good, but she can also see as soon as she looks at it that it's only half hers?

I think it's a great present, surprise and fun mixed with pragmatic

Jabbabong · 09/01/2025 22:28

FamBae · 09/01/2025 19:14

You told her that her MacBook was a joint Christmas/Birthday present and that's fine they are expensive; so I'm guessing you spent much more on her than her younger sister? I really think you need to follow through on this, yes get a couple of nice bits for her to open on the day but I'm with your dh on this one.
I think the grand reveal of the car with the bow is more for you than your daughter.

I agree with this.

Delusions of grandeur springs to mind.

mintgreensoftlilac · 09/01/2025 22:36

It sounds like you really want DD to have that really excited surprise moment, which is perfectly understandable. Perhaps just presenting the new car on the driveway on a random day and telling her that she will be able to use it whenever she wants will give you and her the omg excited moment but without quite the same pressure and expectations that it would create if you put a bow on it for her birthday. She'll probably still be delighted but with more realistic expectations. As an aside, I got a Tiffany bracelet for my 18th birthday (many moons ago now) and I was absolutely delighted. Is that sort of thing still cool these days?

DaisyDumplings · 09/01/2025 22:41

DuesToTheDirt · 09/01/2025 18:27

"She had a joke around her 17th that she would wake up to a new car with a bow on it and while it was just a funny and she definitely didn’t seriously expect it as she already had use of our 2nd car, I know she would really would have loved that to happen and she had lots of friends that received similar."

Guess you move in very different circles from me. No kids I know were given a car for their 17th, 18th, or at any point come to that.

All of our children got cars for their 17th birthdays. All of ours were driving a few months after their 17th birthdays as they all went on intensive driving courses and had already been driving on private land since 15ish. Some people live very rurally and most parents I know that chose to live in the middle of nowhere pay for lessons, buy cars and insure them for their children.

Posted too soon! Edited to add it’s a shit present OP if the car isn’t for her sole use.

TY78910 · 09/01/2025 22:50

Bloody hell some people....

Just because OP has two cars doesn't mean they're super flashy. She's clearly stated one is used for towing so it's a work type vehicle.

Horses can also be

TY78910 · 09/01/2025 22:53

Hit the post button by mistake!

Horses can also be used for work not to keep as fancy hobbies as someone there has mentioned. Why are people jumping straight to the conclusion that they must be loaded?

Anyways.

OP lovely thought. She would absolutely LOVE that however I do agree (without the harsh words) that it would cause confusion as DD will automatically think the car is hers and then you have to explain etc etc

I would buy a toy car and put a bow on it then put it on the drive! Then have a nice note explaining everything you said in this post

MumChp · 09/01/2025 22:57

You can't afford it. Buy a nice watch or jewelry. Like a lot of parents do.

Original poster

Think1andthink2 · 11/01/2025 18:39

I wondered if anyone would like an update.

I think quite often when there is such a strong response to an OP, mumsnetters often run away, don’t follow up and I didn’t want to do that.

After my post did a bit talking to my DH, DD’s grandparents and her DS (my younger daughter) and mostly went with the (albeit minority) advice we know DD best, and the general consensus was she would be absolutely beside herself with a car share as an extra present. Younger daughter reminded me, which I have already put down here, previously, that she always knew the previous 2nd car was absolutely my DH’s however she called it her car and has no qualms about showing it off as such even though, everyone who knew her knew it was really our old car which DH was still using.

(younger) DD also pointed out that some teenagers have 0 access to any kind of car never mind one which will be as much hers as DH’s and anyone that doesn’t think to a teenager that would still be the best thing ever doesn’t know very many teenagers! (She does not know about this thread but seemed like wise words! 😅)

However…

Despite still going for a bow and wrapping up the key I have considered a few of the suggestions on here and am going to make some adaptations. On the gift tag of the key we will write “For you and dad to share” that will of course set the bar from the start.

We are also going to come together for a few driving lessons to get her started and my DP’s have also put some money in a card to go towards a lesson so that should get her started. We will obviously make the new car is insured from her birthday so she can take it out with DH straight away…

The ultimate 18th birthday dilemma, first drive to the pub for a legal pint or to take your new shared car out for a spin.

For all the people worrying about how neglected she was/is and would feel with only her £1,000 MacBook to enjoy on her birthday and half a car, fear not she also has a lovely bundle of presents to open to soften the blow.

I will update again on the day and let you know if it was an absolute flop or if we have a very happy 18 year old!

OP posts:

Starryknightcloud · 12/01/2025 13:27

Good for you OP

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