Do your parents know your salary?

[nosyposy]

Name changed as could be outing.

Me and DM almost had an argument today over her wanting to know my salary.

I have been offered a new job and my mother asked me how much the salary was. I said to her I wouldn't ever dream of asking how much she or my father earns. She was very persistent and very offended when I wouldn't tell her.

She then went on to say she knew roughly how much DH earned as he works for the NHS and he must be in a particular band and she had looked.

It made me feel really uncomfortable.

She is now not really talking to me because I refused to tell her. Is it really typical to discuss so openly?

I think you’re both as bad as each other.
shes OTT in wanting to know your business but your OTT for acting like you’ve signed the official secrets act.

Having read your update there is no way I would tell her. Your money is your money and you have children to support. Why the heck would she think you ought to give her money? What a twisted attitude to an independent adult with children of her own.

My parents don't know and wouldn't ask. The only person who knows what I earn is DH because our finances are shared.

Yes they do. But they’d be fine if I didn’t want to tell them.

I'm quite open about mine so probably they do. And I know how much they earn. They know how much my husband earns.
Most of my friends know how much I earn and likewise.
In general I think more openness about money, salaries, budgeting, pensions and debt is good for us, especially women.
My profession is traditionally quite secretive about salaries and that makes it hard to know what you have to do to get a raise, how to progress, what your next move might be. If you can understand that the consequence of this move is make £x but that decision is more like £y, it helps you you know what's better for you without having to go all the way to a job offer.
Some of my friends might chat about cars in passing and talk about getting a really great deal on their new electric car on the work scheme - openness about these choices gives me more of a safe space to share pros and cons with my peers.
When I had credit card debt, my dad gave me advice, and so did a friend who had previously been in that situation. Bringing both their perspectives to my situation helped me to solve my own problem.
It's good for young people to know what different jobs make, as well as what is great/terrible about your job, especially if it interests them. Facts are powerful.

Yes they know, they help advise me a lot on finances

I would find it so strange if my son wanted to keep that secret from me

Ur salary is no one’s business but your own and your spouse

But if he was loaded would you expect him to sub you?

In these circs I’d not tell her anything to do with my finances and hide any statements from her. She should be pleased if you’re doing well not looking to fleece you!

No-one knows our income. They can look at our business accounts and see what we earn, but they have no idea about our investments.

My dad barely knows what job I do, he's just not interested 🤷🏼‍♀️
So he's no idea what I earn.

DHs parents have a vague idea as we talk to them about jobs and finances more.

No never though now parents are both dead and neither DH or I discuss our finances with anyone. DH and I pass for very regular folk but are actually quite wealthy. There is no way I ever want to be asked for a loan because I would always say no and it can make things awkward. It’s fine talking about money in general terms though. We have given in depth advice on investing, pension, how to negotiate money off etc to DS, his now ex GF and a few family members. Assisted MIL with sorting out her affairs. We paid our mortgage off when we were 36/38. Didn’t tell anyone, now in our mid fifties we say we paid our mortgage off a few years ago as people are curious how we retired so early.

My mum would

Definitely not, although it's not for want of her trying.

My circumstances are a bit different though. My mum is very bad with money and has gotten herself into some very bad situations due to bad financial decision making. She also believes she is entitled to money from any family members whom she believes are making more than they need.

Combine this with the fact that my mum's entire worldview stopped somewhere around 1998; she constantly refers in hushed reverential tones to people who earn more than £20k, as if this is the magic millionaire point. She often sends me details of jobs around that salary telling me that if I went for those, I'd be able to share some earning with her. The reality is that I earn more than double that, which would blow her mind and she'd be constantly demanding money from me. DH does earn around that amount and she would assume that combined we are akin to Bill Gates-type levels of wealth. She would never believe that we are struggling month-to-month on these salaries and I couldn't cope with her demands and guilt tripping so I just palm her off every time she asks by saying "we get by".

Only mum is still alive, but she doesn’t know my salary, because she doesn’t need to.
She knows we’re ok- she offered to pay for school shoes yesterday, but I assured her we could afford even them.

No and I suspect they couldn't guess it to the nearest £10k!

DM doesn’t know what I do really (I don’t think) not interested, she’s never asked me what I earn as she doesn’t care. She’s never asked for money/ vice versa.
I don’t know why your post would be ‘outing’ though.

Yes my parents know how much I earn.
Mainly because I moan about paying higher earners tax to them all the time!

No, but my nosey mother makes a random guess based on her own percieved wealth. My parents were both self employed with successful businesses. They live in a big 6 bed house, we live in a 3 bed house, worth 3 times more than hers we however, in her mind are poor as we live in a tiny house. We also live fairly frugally, she has debt and has blown through an inheritance. I'm very low contact, but she loves to brag about money and materialist things.

Mine think I’m on a low wage. I’m self employed owning a business with Dh. We bring in over 20k per month and no one knows and I love it. Any designer clothing I wear isn’t obviously branded and I tell people my items are replica if they ask.

Yes they do, I don't know why I wouldn't tell them. They're my parents. I know roughly how much my working children earn too, although my interest knows no beginning so I can't actually remember 🤣

They know roughly, partly because my dad (who only has a state pension and his savings), would ask if we were alright for money and offer to give me some especially when I was on mat leave. In the end I had to tell him we earn over 100k between us and we're fine. We live a fairly modest but not frugal lifestyle, I am very debt averse so we tend to make do and save rather than finance things. Eg We're just getting our kitchen renovated 7 years after moving here, and our current one is very dated and definitely in the last year starting to fall apart a bit. That's fine by me because we're now getting exactly the kitchen we want, good quality , long lasting etc and no debt, which makes me comfortable.
My dad spent 50 years working long hours in factories, and never earned the equivalent of my salary, so I definitely don't want to take his money.

When my mum was alive, I would have told her what I earned if it was relevant to something we were discussing, or if she asked. I had no reason to keep it secret from her. Is your mum trying to find out in order to make some point do you think, or is she just curious?

Yes as I work for nhs and easy to look up. Recently told my dad as he kept trying to give me money as he thought I was poorly paid.