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Original poster

Do your parents know your salary?

107 replies

nosyposy · 09/01/2025 17:55

Name changed as could be outing.

Me and DM almost had an argument today over her wanting to know my salary.

I have been offered a new job and my mother asked me how much the salary was. I said to her I wouldn't ever dream of asking how much she or my father earns. She was very persistent and very offended when I wouldn't tell her.

She then went on to say she knew roughly how much DH earned as he works for the NHS and he must be in a particular band and she had looked.

It made me feel really uncomfortable.

She is now not really talking to me because I refused to tell her. Is it really typical to discuss so openly?

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/01/2025 18:14

Yeh I think my parents know my salary but not bonus/shares etc that I get. Doesn't matter to me if they know.

Feelingstrange2 · 09/01/2025 18:17

I know what my children earn.

I've never asked out of curiosity, but I know because I've helped them when checking their tax and student loan calculations.

I knew my parents and in laws income back when they were working because I completed their tax returns.

In terms of my income I'm not bothered who knows to be honest. I'm happy with it which is what matters.

Asking out of sheer nosiness is awful.

Flippinec · 09/01/2025 18:19

They could if they wanted to know, as it's in the public domain. Don't know if they have looked or not. I don't care either way.

BookyGilly · 09/01/2025 18:23

My parents are dead but me and my siblings are open with each other about our income. It's just how we roll. But if you're not happy about telling your mam, just give her a false number that is under the amount so she can't have any input into your spending.

GiddyRobin · 09/01/2025 18:24

My Dad knew when he was alive. My brother and sister know. MIL knows both mine and DH's; it's not something either of us are bothered about sharing.

MrsSethGecko · 09/01/2025 18:25

Yes, but only because it's minimum wage and pretty easy to work out.

DeliciousApples · 09/01/2025 18:27

My parents knew mine and I knew theirs. It was no big deal. As long as none of us shared that private info with a third party I don't see the issue with them knowing.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 09/01/2025 18:27

LOL no, my family can be leeches. They kept asking a few years back and I told them a figure around half of what I earnt then - now about a quarter.

Funnily enough I'm happy to share my salary to anyone who asks (within reason) because I agree with those upthread who say the transparency is important in careers. But not family members 😂

Ayechinnyreckon · 09/01/2025 18:29

No. My mum used to know (and I knew hers) because we both worked in the NHS so it was obvious. But DHs parents don't know his salary or mine and my mum doesn't know my current salary now I'm in the private sector

Dearg · 09/01/2025 18:29

No, mine never knew and I did not know theirs. DH made a point of not sharing with his family as MIL and SIL were/ are always on the scrounge, very much comparing their own situations with ours ( we worked, they didn’t)

Its fine either way, but your mum sounds very nosey.

devilspawn · 09/01/2025 18:30

No, if I told them they'd be constantly asking me for money.

They are atrociously bad with money and would bankrupt me without a second thought.

I called them excitedly when I got my first pay rise and all they said was, "is that it? I thought you were on more than that" and laughed.

After that I didn't tell them anything. Now I earn more than they did and it's none of their business.

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 09/01/2025 18:30

If you google my real name a document with my exact salary is in the public domain. I would find it weird if anyone could know but my mum didn't. But OPs mum just appears to be nosy and ultimately if you're not comfortable sharing then that's all that matters.

TartanMammy · 09/01/2025 18:30

Never asked but she probably does know. You only need to search for my job role and place of work and the advert with salary range will come up.

Dp works in the NHS so his salary is also widely available for anyone to find out.

Tarantella6 · 09/01/2025 18:32

No but I'm pretty sure they think I earn about twice what I do because everyone seems to think we are super rich. We are not but we don't waste money on things like coffees, takeaways etc and DH never spends any money full stop 😅

SavageGarden23 · 09/01/2025 18:33

Hah my parents want to see all the siblings' job contracts and throws a hissy fit when we say no. Its a manipulative trait to put all of us against each other to compare and bad mouth behind our back.. . We siblings know each other's salaries as we help with career advice and it helps to budget for travelling etc.

DefyingGravy · 09/01/2025 18:33

No!

She has no concept of money in any case. She’d be shocked at how much I earn, but not comprehend that what I pay annually on my mortgage is more than my parents paid for their entire house.

JustMyView13 · 09/01/2025 18:34

My parents think they know, but as I’ve got older and my salary has grown I’ve become less and less accurate with the number I’ve given.

Musicalmistress · 09/01/2025 18:35

Not specifically - they've never asked (don't think it would even occur to them), I've never said and it's never come up in conversation but if anyone really wanted to k own they could Google it as out salary scales are published on line.
I can kinda of get her asking in a 'ooh will you be getting a pay rise, how can for you' kind of way but to then kick up a stink when you didn't say is weird!

sofski91 · 09/01/2025 18:38

On one hand I agree it’s private information, why does she need to know?

On the other hand I think finances should be discussed more openly in the uk. Mortgages, loans, financial markets should be taught in schools. I grew up in a family that’s fairly open about finances. It is shocking how sometimes very educated people know nothing about financial investments and markets. I’ve got some very educated friends (nhs consultants, academics etc) who have literally no investments other than their property because they don’t have a clue about it. Whilst I’m sat here up 50% on investments I made in 2021 because it was discussed as a family growing up.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/01/2025 18:44

Our family are very open about salaries I know what my DC earn and they know how big my pension pot is. I don't understand the secrecy tbh.

WashableVelvet · 09/01/2025 18:45

Yes, they know mine, and approximately DH’s. Growing up I knew theirs, and now I know their pensions, and we are open about our taxes, mortgage etc. That was how I learnt financial literacy as a child, and grew up feeling fine about money conversations with no taboo or awkwardness.

Mental health otoh was a closed book and still is. Families are really different from each other on different things 🤷‍♀️

BlueSky2024 · 09/01/2025 18:47

nosyposy · 09/01/2025 17:55

Name changed as could be outing.

Me and DM almost had an argument today over her wanting to know my salary.

I have been offered a new job and my mother asked me how much the salary was. I said to her I wouldn't ever dream of asking how much she or my father earns. She was very persistent and very offended when I wouldn't tell her.

She then went on to say she knew roughly how much DH earned as he works for the NHS and he must be in a particular band and she had looked.

It made me feel really uncomfortable.

She is now not really talking to me because I refused to tell her. Is it really typical to discuss so openly?

My parents have never asked, I don’t know what my parents or siblings earn either

Outlookmainlyfair · 09/01/2025 18:48

Never discussed. While I would have no problem her knowing I would find it horribly invasive if she behaved like your DM. Is it a control thing?

moomindragon · 09/01/2025 18:50

My mum is a bit like this too, although she accepted it when I said no. I know she has looked up pay bands though.

You just have to be firm. She has no right to know and frankly it's weird to ask.

moomindragon · 09/01/2025 18:52

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/01/2025 18:44

Our family are very open about salaries I know what my DC earn and they know how big my pension pot is. I don't understand the secrecy tbh.

Well it depends what type of family you have.

My family are extremely mercenary and materialistic, so I would not tell them because I would be judged and it would become a big part of how they see me (very unpleasant, but it's how they are).

It would also likely impact their decisions about what they may or may not give me now or in future.

Several of my friends, on the other hand, know what I earn and I have no problem with that! 😅