Do your parents know your salary?

[nosyposy]

Name changed as could be outing.

Me and DM almost had an argument today over her wanting to know my salary.

I have been offered a new job and my mother asked me how much the salary was. I said to her I wouldn't ever dream of asking how much she or my father earns. She was very persistent and very offended when I wouldn't tell her.

She then went on to say she knew roughly how much DH earned as he works for the NHS and he must be in a particular band and she had looked.

It made me feel really uncomfortable.

She is now not really talking to me because I refused to tell her. Is it really typical to discuss so openly?

My mum's never asked, she knows I've got enough money to care for myself and family so it's never interested her

I'm a nurse so my parents know roughly what I earn. It's a constant source of disappointment for them as I was very stupid with money in my 20s and my parents spend their lives ashamed that I've got kids and am unlikely to ever get on the property ladder and never go on holiday ect.

It doesn't help that my sibling earns at least 6 figures as my dad likes to tell me constantly, although I doubt they know his actual wage.

Nope, because they’d think they’re entitled to some of it 😂

I find this and the replies so strange! Although evidently my family are the odd ones here! Finances are openly discussed in my family, my parents and in-laws know what me and my DH both earn, I know what my brother and sister in law earn, and vice versa. Money has never been an awkward or taboo subject, at all. Why would it be? It's not embarrassing? I'm genuinely curious as to why you'd care about your own family knowing? Sure, on a need to know basis, they don't, but that goes for the vast majority of things you share with your family and friends, doesn't it? If we only shared information on a need to know basis, life would be very boring indeed! It's none of my business that my mum had a doctors appointment yesterday, but she still told me. It's none of her business that I went out with a friend yesterday evening, but I still told her. I don't get why money is a big deal?!

Because some people have reason to be precious about it?

Those you’ve listed aren’t the only reasons why someone would be hesitant to share. If they know full well they’ll be negatively judged or find themselves lumbered with would-be leeches, then it’s understandable that they wouldn’t want to.

My parents know about my finances and it isn’t something that would ever cause issues, but that isn’t going to be the same for everyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

To answer a few questions:

Mid 30s never had any financial help from my family.

I think she is asking as there would be an expectation that I would give her money or help her out.

She would comment 'you earn loads' when the reality is my disposable income isn't loads.

I would like to spend my disposable money on nice things for the kids without feeling guilty.

Finally, it would not remain between us, she would tell wider family and its none of their business.

Funnily enough, I have no issue telling friends what my salary is!

No they don't. I think that's be shocked if they knew how much me & DH earn (we're very comfortable but not "rich")

Because some families are problematic. Not all family members are automatically trustworthy by virtue of being family, and won’t necessarily have your best interests at heart.

That's so sad. My family aren't like that at all fortunately, there isn't much we won't discuss. No one would ever expect money from anyone else, although we all know we'd help each other out in a heartbeat if necessary.

No; neither parent knows what we earn and they'd probably shit themselves if they found out - but then money went a lot further when they were young and we live in a more expensive part of the country

To me this is SO strange, all my family know what each other earns. It's just a fact nothing more meaningful. We all talk about the ins and out sod our jobs, get advice, proof applications for each other etc!

But I have a close happy family so don't have to guard information like others have to I know (not saying this is the only reason why you wouldn't say).

I know the income of 1 DD and their partner, the other I have a rough idea and DH may have a better idea, both are under 30 and we help them with financial planning and working towards getting on the property ladder.

My DP knew my salary at a similar age but then I knew theirs too as we all worked in the family business. Now she might have a rough idea but hasn’t ever asked, and I don’t tell. My DH doesn’t share his information with anyone although again I know roughly what he earns and where he files his paperwork but knowing the exact figure would make no difference to my life.
I am aware of my parents income because I have been helping them out recently with some financial stuff, I also know the approx income for my DBs household but have no idea about my DSis or any of DH siblings or parents

Neither is mine, thankfully. Unfortunately, plenty are.

No.

I don't think I've ever told anyone my salary in over 30 years at work.

I tell my Dad because he is always pleading poverty so I told him his monthly car insurance (2k) is more than my monthly salary and he knows dh is on pip & esa so he could easily work out how much he gets.

No. Not a clue. Probably a lot more than she would ever imagine because in my mum's world, women don't have big jobs.

No they never did, my parents don't even know or seem to care what i really do.

No. I work in NHS which is a banding pay system and they know what band I am so wouldn’t be hard to find out

MIL knows, but we had a very open discussion about finances when she was moving in here so we all knew where we stood.

With our three that are adult age we have had a good knowledge of their salaries while they were at uni so we knew how much help was required.

We've recently taken in my 3yo DN and all the discussions around that have resulted in quite a few family members having a good idea of our income.

Yes, I think we all know what everyone earns, more or less, parents and siblings. I've never understood why people don't talk more openly about money.

I'm sure my MIL knows but she is more likely to top up our income rather than ask for money so I don't mind
My family would probably ask for money so we don't tell them anything.

Yeah when I said about depending on them financially I meant the leeches.

Again “personally” I’m not precious about it but I wouldn’t let someone use it against me anyways. Seems to differ between families and it seems sad people feel they can’t share the info without it being used negatively.

Do your parents know your salary?

No. They barely even know my name anymore.

I think because you're lucky enough to grow up in a family like this? I hope my child does grow up in a family healthy enough to have these discussions!

In my family, everyone is constantly broke and living month to month. Everyone did (most still do) have an innate view of each others finances - when are you getting money? What date do you get paid? I knew from my parents at the age of 7 how long we had to eek out £17 for and was well aware we were in serious financial difficulty (hiding from bailiffs etc)

I'm the highest earner now by far, and without mentioning salaries my family know I have more money because I'm working FT/have a nice house etc. They enjoy belittling me and making fun of my career because they'd rather that than admit I'm more 'successful' than they are to themselves, but simultaneously feel like they have a complete right to any money I have 'spare' - and also feel like returning it if borrowed is optional because I don't 'need it'. Hence why I'm now very guarded, and don't share any of this info.

So I don't think what you're saying is a revelation! I think it's how families maybe 'should' work, but that is often not the case. I'm not deciding not to share in order to be aloof/distanced, it would not bring us closer if I shared what I earned.

Everyone is so coy about their salary. I just don't get it. As a trait, it's so British!