How to say 'No dogs'?

[LadyPamelaH]

I belong to a local friendship group for women. It works on the basis of anyone arranging events and putting up the announcement on our social media page.

I may arrange a walk (I did a survey and there was some interest.)
However, I've seen that when another member arranged a walk, some women took their dogs along.
I noticed from the chat that one dog was 'lively'.

The venue allows dogs on leads only but nevertheless there is a cafe etc...for a drink afterwards.

I'm not scared of dogs and I don't dislike them, but I admit I don't like them jumping up, slobbering over me, or barking. Is there are nice way of saying 'No dogs' because it may not just be me who feels like that.

I want a relaxing walk where we can all chat and get to know each other, not women trying to control their dogs.

Exactly! This is a women only group and men ARE allowed in national trust properties, but I don’t think you’d just bring your husband along and argue men are allowed at NT properties 😂

I think, like golf, dogs are a great way to ruin a good walk but sadly I'm in a minority. I suspect banning dogs would lead to a lower turn out.

Depending on the overall numbers the lower turnout doesn't have to be an issue, if the actual participants enjoy the meeting more (more than they would with dog caused disturbance)

Why can't you be honest?

Set up an invite for a new walk saying -

Hi I'm Lady Pamela, would anyone be interested in a walk around xxx on xxx? Stopping at the cafe afterwards. I'm a bit nervous of dogs/don't like dogs, so this will be a dog free walk Perhaps someone else can arrange for another walk to this area to include those with dogs.

I have to take my dog on 2 walks a day. If someone arranged a walk without dogs I simply wouldn't go as 3 walks a day would be too much for me.
If you're arranging it though and you don't have a dog then it's perfectly acceptable to request no dogs please.

Dogs are actually a great way to get conversations started. I often turn up to these sort of walks not knowing anyone but everyone chats to me as they want to ask about and make a fuss of my dogs.

I think the same when eating peanuts on a plane, screw the warnings I’m only interested in me!

For me it does seem slightly controlling. Eg ‘I want your full attention to chat’. I can be socially awkward. I find that having my dog can break the ice, start conversations and give me a chance to excuse myself if needed. As you say, you can ‘do what you want’, then (with respect), do it! Advertise a walk and state ‘no dogs’. I think I’d find it a little strange if it was a dog friendly venue, as is the cafe and I wouldn’t attend. I would go along to one of the dog friendly walks instead where I can relax and there are fewer rules!

I don’t think that’s the point. I don’t expect everywhere to cater for my dogs but when there are places that do, I find it strange to be told that I can’t bring my dog, because the event organiser wants my full attention.
To me, the best way forward would be to organise an event where dogs are not permitted, if you don’t want dogs around!

If you really don't want any dogs present then you're mad to arrange a walk at a place where there will be dogs present! It's like organising a trip to a library during a Bookbug session and then going to its cafe afterwards - but telling everyone else they can't bring their children.

If you really don't want any dogs on lead there because one person had a lively dog at another walk then organise something at a venue where dogs aren't allowed - that way your chat in the cafe afterwards won't be spoiled by these packs of slobbering, smelly, jumping up dogs that seem to follow some MNetters around everywhere they go.

The OP will be quite happy for you not to go. Just as she is happy not to go on the walks with dogs.

How is this in any way relevant?

A dog allergic person won't suffer any symptoms outside in the open air FFS.

It says they’re going to a cafe afterwards. It’s VERY hard to avoid dogs if you’re allergic now because of all the dickheads who think they have the right to take them everywhere. There’s another thread about people taking them to the cinema now!

Would you also take your husband to a women’s-only walk / cafe meet? After all, men are permitted everywhere.

Then do the sensible thing go to cafes where no dogs are allowed - there are more of them than not. NT cafes and grounds have been dog friendly for many years, this is nothing new.

Thie is area-specific though. In my area I don’t know any cafes that are completely dog-free - a couple have dog free areas but people ignore the signs.

Also plenty of people without dogs enjoy visiting NT places. And it is completely different walking in a group without dogs than a group with - if other people in the venue have dogs that doesn’t interfere nearly as much as having a dog in your own group that wants to stop and sniff at things etc.

Sorry as I have only skim read OPs posts, but I think it's perfectly fine to mark an event as No Dogs. I have a couple of friends who are frightened of dogs due to childhood incidents and another is highly allergic to them, so it's fine for the event to focus on what it's meant to be for - making friendships in a safe space.

Besides if you have a dog it's almost impossible to avoid striking up conversations, as a reluctant co dog owner and introvert it's quite tricky.

Not where I live there’s not. Rare to find a pub/cafe without dogs since they became the lockdown fashion accessory.

Then go to another area. If the OP can't do that then going to a cafe where there will be other dogs slobbering, jumping up, barking and being generally lively will not be conducive to the kind of chat she seems to want. Remember that the walk is secondary here, the OP has clarified that.

You can set the rules but you would be the only one enforcing it. What conflict resolution are you falling back on if someone does bring a dog anyway? Would you turn them away?

You could classify it as a dog free group . Perhaps put a little sentence - We've made this group is dog free so anyone with alllergies or phobias can join .
I think that's fair enough as long as it's clear at the outset and there are plenty of dog walking groups - i am a dog owner myself.

No

Did your ‘survey’ mention bringing or excluding dogs? I would be very surprised if there would have been as much interest expressed if you’ve asked ‘dog free’ walk.

Otherwise, you’re welcome to suggest a dog-free walk, but don’t be surprised if the turnout is poor. Lots of my non dog owning friends ask to join me on my dog walks as they just want a walk/chat and know that they can’t expect me to do one walk with the dog and another with them. I just don’t have the time and energy, personally.

I think what is coming across is the fact that you really do not like dogs which may hamper your efforts to build friendships as many in this circle will likely feel peeved at, effectively, being excluded. I think you need to think about whether this is the hill you want to die on if you are after making new friends?

Perhaps organise an alternative activity (coffee, Mahjong, chocolate making morning at a chocolatier, a literary/travel talk etc) where people would not naturally assume - or even want - to bring their dogs, instead?

Just say ‘no dogs on this occasion’. You can see from this thread that dog owners are completely oblivious and defensive so you’ll just have to spell it out to them. The purpose of the group is not to entertain dogs.

Of course you can. Im in a walking group. The website says
" We don't allow dogs on our walks. We have them and love them but recognise that not everyone is comfortable around dogs. During the year we organise occasional dog friendly walks. These are clearly labelled'.
We've never, ever had anyone turn up with a dog.