The number of people going on and on about their wonderful alcohol free lives

[Eastie77Returns]

It’s a bit boring now. Every other Opinion essay or online article today is written by someone waxing lyrical about their decision to stop drinking and how incredible their lives are now followed by judgy comments about the poor saps who still drink, use it as an emotional crutch and are too wine addled to realise they are drinking themselves into an early grave. It’s all a bit sanctimonious and honestly…who cares?

It's because these publications or sites want people to read their stuff so they post about what's relevant at the time. As its dry January more people will probably be thinking about alcohol and so they publish more to get a share of the clicks. It'll be something else next month, not sure why it'd get to you so much though?

@SecretSoul Caroline Girvan!!! Easy to follow at home - don’t try to match her weights to start with though! Dumbells are quite pricey so look on local Facebook pages, or build your collection slowly. Good luck. It’s more functional fitness than pure strength training so a win win!

I’m enjoying your username, in the circs 😀

I think it mainly comes from people who live their lives at extremes then switch to an opposite extreme - and then feel compelled to do this judgemental evangelising as part of the way they are. I see it especially with alcohol, food intake ('clean' eating, plant based, veganism, no carbs, paleo, no upf), exercise, and even mindset (all those who become life coaches after having their personal epiphanies for example). They are also very often the extreme content creators with little balance in their outpourings.

As someone who very much does not live at these extremes (vegetarian for over 30 years but will happily have sugary things and fast food etc occasionally, have one or two alcoholic drinks once or twice a month on average for the last 16 years, exercise most days in some form at home but nothing major etc) I find it quite irritating when e.g. the newly teetotal person judges my drinking with their overly-virtuous gushings about how much better it is not to drink whilst I'm enjoying my single half pint.

These evangelical people tend to be very self-centred individuals who can't fathom that not everyone is like them and that most people are more moderate. More often than not they seesaw through periods of over-indulgence and massive restriction, or cycling one area of hyper-control with another as part of their addictive, maladaptive personalities. Having seen people who've been doing this for years it's obvious that this is not a healthy way to be.

I don't think this mindset should be glorified or normalised and I totally get why this bothers you OP.

But presumably you don't own a publication or website whereby you're trying to secure views? These writers, publications, influencers im sure aren't actually that bothered, they just want to follow trends to ensure they maximise their chances.

Yes this is another good point.

Personally I find the culture among white British people to be overly focused on alcohol to the extent many are questioning people on why they don’t drink which is bizarre when you think about it.

And before anyone asks, I’m being culture specific here as I have friends from various cultures and rarely get people from those other communities badgering me on why I don’t drink and insisting I have a drink.

I felt the US had a bit less of a drinking culture too.

Absolutely something in this too.

I honestly don’t know why this would bother you if alcohol doesn't play any significant role in your life? Surely it would only bother you if it was hitting a nerve?

Exactly. I haven’t drank for two decades, since I was a teen actually - so I don’t do dry January as such but I totally get the mindset behind it. It’s not hard to understand.

It’s like how I have other considered doing veganuary.

They're slightly odd articles because they tend to say things like, "Giving up alcohol has been amazing! No more losing half the weekend to a hangover, puking on my shoes and blacking out!"

Of course if you regularly drink to that extent it's very sensible to give up entirely, and you're probably not someone who could moderate anyway.

But for those of us who enjoy a couple of glasses of wine over dinner with friends once or twice a week and are in bed asleep by midnight, the benefits of giving up all alcohol are not as persuasive.

Try being some who can’t drink and you’ll realise how pervasive the normalising of alcohol is, but you don’t want to deal with messaging about an alcohol free life which I promise you is nothing in comparison.

It's funny because I always find the opposite, I don't drink because my DH is an alcoholic and I'm actually still a bit bitter and irritable about having to give up something I enjoyed in moderation so I certainly don't mention it or make comments on it as I don't want to share his private health struggles, but people absolutely bombard me with lectures on how much they love a drink when I try and drink my soft drink in peace. I get the same as a lifelong vegetarian especially when I was younger and quieter, many whole meals have been spent with them telling me how much better, happier, healthier, more fun they are because they eat meat while I try to tuck into my meal quietly. They always end the lectures with how much they hate teetotallers/vegans lecturing them ironically. I always felt they protested too much but I just smile and nod.

You’re spot on. I think some people are
feeling judged by it because deep down they’re not comfortable with their alcohol consumption. It’s the same people who become overly defensive when they find out I don’t drink. They say “why not?” A glass or two won’t do any harm blah blah. I’m like erm you drink a glass or two if you want but I’ll continue to abstain thanks. Some people feel very unsettled by others not drinking and it’s weird.

I would never have such a negative reaction to say - someone singing the benefits of going vegan and giving up meats. I’d just be happy for them it made a positive difference to their life.

I sometimes think about giving up drinking but not for the usual reasons. I don't drink very much - often don't drink anything at all for weeks on end, can only comfortably manage about 2 units without becoming sleepy and unsociable, have only been properly drunk about 3 times in my life and didn't enjoy it very much. And I just hate it when people seem to think it's their business to try to make me drink more, or imply that I'm a spoilsport when I don't. Sometimes I just think it would be easier to be able to say "I don't drink" than have people know that I drink sometimes, and wonder why I don't feel like drinking with them right now. I enjoy the taste of some alcoholic drinks, but I don't think I'd miss them that much.

But then I think - is that sanctimonious? Would people assume I had a drink problem? How would I explain it if someone asked? And I wonder if the advantages would really outweigh the disadvantages.

Yep. If I started banging on about why everyone should be vegetarian and go running, there would be lots of eye rolling and 'off she goes again'. It's all very much 'but why can't everyone be like me?'

And there's also this insinuation that if you like a drink, you must be an alcoholic or least dependent. Well, no, I just like it. Like I like going for a walk in the woods, eating strawberries, singing etc. And as for 'just swap to non alcoholic versions' again, no. I think many people like to hide the taste of alcohol by drowning it in lemonade etc. But I like the sharpness of it a couple of times a week, like my gran liked a couple of cigarettes a week. And no, 0% gin is NOT the same.

I don't drink, never have but I certainly don't go on about it. In fact I'd rather not talk about it as people jump straight to the assumption that non drinkers must be alcoholics.

I dont care what anyone else drinks, that's there choice as long as they aren't trying to get me to drink.

I drink very very little (some months 0) and it is quite funny reading about people who drank a lot discovering being alcohol free now.

Especially if some of them made digs at non-drinkers before. Like you must be drinking first to be able to fashionably stop drinking

And I just hate it when people seem to think it's their business to try to make me drink more, or imply that I'm a spoilsport when I don't.

Yes! @moonshinepoursthroughmywindow It is so tedious! Happens to me far less the older I get but it happened a lot at uni!

I’ll support not publicising dry January or publishing articles about people going alcohol free, when I stop being bombarded by alcohol messaging in the media and having people grill me on why I don’t drink 😆 how about that?

Agreed, I rarely drink and simply don’t enjoy having more than 1 or 2 glasses of wine in one sitting. I love the taste of wine, I just don’t like being drunk.

It’s so boring though to listen to people go on about it! The way people wang on about the life changing benefits of being sober - I just assume they were raging alcoholics previously.

It's trendy, it's January. Personally I think, for the sake of balance, we should have a Mumsnet campaign to all put on our beer (prosecco) jackets and celebrate Jolly January.

Usual January blurb. There was a funny bit on the one off Taskmaster where Greg Davies told anyone doing it to keep it to themselves.

I posted on Facebook when I quit but I don’t keep posting every 5 minutes & I’m almost a year AF this time. I post on relevant MN threads sometimes but I don’t judge folks that still drink alcohol. My abstinence is because I am an alcoholic - it took a long time for me to admit that, even to myself. Tried cutting down but it’s all or nothing.

Yeah, this is my point. The last time I threw up from drinking was about 25 years ago and I’ve managed to stay up drinking until 3am without a hangover because I regulate how much I have and alternate with water. I’ve had periods without drinking and it made no discernible difference to my life except I missed the taste of wine! I find I get more negative impact on my life when I’m eating badly, especially lots of refined sugar. So I’m often quite surprised when people say things like “stopping drinking transformed my life”, even when they were barely drinking in the first place! It makes me think it’s more the snacking/late nights that did it. But I’m glad it’s helpful to some people.

@Getinther I can’t really relate to the amount of pressure people get to have a drink when they don’t want to. I rarely drink alcohol and no one has ever commented on it, even when younger. At Christmas the only alcohol I had was from one chocolate liqueur and the one bottle of wine I bought for it is still unopened in the fridge (despite have two grown sons back home for the holidays). No one I know has ever negatively commented if I don’t want a drink (I’m in the UK).

That was me! I used to be a binge drinker. And I used to make fun of people who didn't drink. I used alcohol to cope with difficult emotions and past abuse. My drinking was off the scale. In recent years I've had counselling, got myself into a secure living situation and a happy relationship and now am 2.5 years sober.

I don't know why you'd find that funny but here we are. I try and have compassion for people with addiction.