Grief of being a parent

[the7Vabo]

I appreciate many will find this OTT.

I have two kids - DS (6) and DD (4).

How do people deal with kids growing up and changing. I see it as a type of grief as I feel sad that I’ll never meet my baby, toddler, 4 year old etc again. I daydream about having my kids back for one day at different ages. I feel like that little person is gone.

Im sad that I can’t really remember our lives when we had a baby & a toddler.

Im not a particularly patient or present parent. I found parts of the Christmas holidays tough. And in a lot of ways I’m looking forward to a time where I can read a book in peace, the house won’t be trashed etc. But I also feel like their childhoods are going too fast, slipping through my fingers.

I appreciate I’m lucky to have two healthy kids, and I know many aren’t so lucky. I don’t want to be ungrateful for it.

Has anyone experienced similar and found anything helpful.

"Santa" might get up around 6am on Xmas Day here to sneak them into the kids rooms before they wake up

My ds is 19 and part choice but by mostly circumstance he is our only. He means the absolute world to us and there are occasional times in life while he's been growing up that I have thought with fleeting sadness that certain milestones/events are the first and last time I will see them, if that makes sense. However, he's an amazing son and not only do we have wonderful memories, we are still making them and keeping our traditions etc around Christmas etc regardless of age. I have loved every single stage of his life growing up and cherish it all. We are very fortunate that we have a continuing v strong bond with him despite him growing up, having a job and gf etc. Life is ever changing but growing up doesn't mean growing away.

It's hard sometimes. I enjoy looking at photos and videos of my dc when they were little. I think a lot of it is looking back with rose tinted glasses. I have memories of being sat on the sofa with ds1 as a newborn as he seemed to like being in my arms the best and hated being put down. I watched the whole of cold feet when he was a newborn. But at the time it was stressful and I had PND. He is off to university in September hopefully and I'm dreading that already although obviously not in front of him. But I know when it actually happens I will have a good cry when he goes and then get used to the new normal of having one less child in the house. My PIL are being annoying though, going on about how they will be visiting him every 2 weeks and taking him out for lunch etc when we won't be able to go and see him anywhere near as much because of having other dc and their activities etc.

I understand. Mine are still young but just looking back at photos/videos it is really such a difference. I do find it hard to properly remember certain things. I agree with keeping photos and videos but it can be hard when you’re in the thick of it as it’s one more task to do but will be worth it.

Helpful advice? Have a life outside your children. You will need it eventually.

I felt like this when they were younger, but my 22 year old is now working and off on holiday with his GF this week, and I've just dropped my 19 year old at the train station to return to uni and probably won't see him until Easter.
The feelings change. Am bursting with pride.

I know exactly how you feel… I sometimes shed a tear at how fast mine are growing. For me it’s the difficulty in going from being the centre of their world to suddenly not being that and it’s tough.

I read recently that a parent gives their child 2 things- roots and wings. It really resonated with me as of course they have to fly but hopefully the roots we’ve given them will always be strong. Xx

This is the best advice anyone can give you. I think these feelings are wrapped up with feelings about ourselves and our own lives. Even when DC very young so your best to maintain friendships etc. it’s a very short time before they’ll start gaining some independence