Jealous of mums who don’t have to work

[Apologiesbut]

This is totally my problem, I know it is ..
I was sortof a sahm before but my 3 dcs were small so also v hard work so I didn’t benefit from them all being at school and me being a sahm! I worked freelance but only 15 or so hours a week.

I went back to “proper” work when my youngest started school, I’m a teacher in secondary but in a challenging school. My dh and I have absolutely no family support so we juggle everything ourselves ,there’s v v limited childcare where we live (not uk ) and very long holidays….
I’m very lucky in that I get school holidays off with my kids so I really appreciate how lucky I am. This does mean that I’m either working or with my kids though. My dh is great and does as much as he can with a f/t job. Neither of us will ever get any inheritance, we have never had any financial or physical support from family so it’s all on us, like many people!
We aren’t entitled to any help from the government so we just have to work , work , particularly now.
I know when I drop my kids off tomorrow the parents who are all beaming and delighted with the “back to routine “ are sahps , it’s always them.
Honestly , I’m jealous. It’s so exhausting managing work and 3 dcs for both me and my dh , it just is.
We have tried to access as much support as we can afford but there really isn’t much , we were lucky to get 3 days of afterschool and on Fridays it closes at 4pm . At least I can be with my kids during the holidays but I find the day to day exhausting and I do like my job. It’s all the things we need to do with the kids and work . I had 6 months off between jobs before while our dcs were in school and it was a revelation, I was so rested and relaxed and the house was completely repainted (by me) outside and inside,I got a skip , I was fitter, so we’ll rested ….If I gave up work I’d be happier but we’d have way less money to pay off mortgage etc.
This is just a moan but I’ll be running to get to work after drop off tomorrow and there’ll be a lot of parents happy out and I know exactly why and I’m stupidly envious…. And I know it’s the theif of joy. I can’t afford to give up work ..

What happens if your partner has an accident/gets ill or for any other reason cant work anymore?

This is why it's essential to have an appropriate level of income protection insurance if you are relying on one income. If you can't afford that, maybe you can't afford to fully rely on one income? Part-time for one parent might be the best option. They then always have the option to increase hours.

Most people would like to work less than they do and have more money than they do surely?

The wealth you are wishing for is only available to a small minority.

I worked part time when my kids were smaller and i really thank the fact that the stars aligned and l was able to do that. I'm not jealous of anyone who left the workforce because it's very hard to come back in. Part time is the dream.

This is irrelevant to the thread, but think carefully before training as a teacher to spend more time with family.

I work as a teacher and will have to consider wrap around care (before and after school/ nursery) because of the early starts/ late finishes. That is an extra cost. There is also alot of extra marking/planning which eats into the holidays. Not to mention the awful pay, especially when you meet the pay threshold and there isn't anywhere else to go unless you want to do even longer hours. You don't get to choose your time off either. The job also takes up a lot of headspace too dealing with so many kids, there isn't much left for your own!😕

To the OP, the teacher salary in Ireland is 44k euro to 80 k euro in Ireland. Maybe you could pay a minder and send dcs to them a few times a week for some of the holidays as well as term time.

Lots of people also have degrees and work in offices, and only earn a fraction of that. The general administrative grades in the government departments are on a scale of
30k euro to 45k euro. They have to work 52 weeks of the year for this and only get 23 days holidays. This is reduced further if they take unpaid leave in the summer. They can get promoted but it is very competitive. We are also in Ireland where a glass of wine in a pub is 10 euro.

Most people I grew up with, in Ireland, had 5 siblings and one semi detached house so there was no help. Maybe you are thinking of doctors who can give dcs 100k euro each in cash. If there was a businrss it was always only left to one person who would run the business as a job.

I second this. Don't do it!

I'm a teacher too. I found it really hard in those early years but now I am glad I kept going. My pension will be far better.

How can you afford that @Nat6999 ? Also I’m definitely still a proper mum 😂 , I’m a great mum (dare I say !). I’m around for all the holidays and actually my dh does the pickups as no afterschool available some days but it’s absolutely normal to finding working and raising kids hard. Also I have 3 kids which is a lot more to juggle . At the moment due to my job I can’t reduce hours and we want to pay off the mortgage quicker as our kids will need financial support if they go to uni .
It was just a moan about a flicker of jealousy, now I’m back , im in the swing of things but my God we have to be organised!!

I work, but now my kids are at secondary, I get slightly glum at the end of every holiday, I love having them at home; even though I'm not always there with them, although I'm lucky enough to be able to reduce my hours over school holidays.
I've been a SAHP and I absolutely hated it, although it terms of family life it made things much easier, it absolutely fried my brain, I found it boring, lonely and the endless groundhog drudgery a special form of purgatory. Going back to work was a huge relief.
I think, as with so many things, there are pros and cons, and a lot depends on your partner how the domestic and mental load is shared.

I get my ill health retirement pension from work, it's about the same as I got working part time.

I get you OP. I'm at home with young children not of school age I suppose what people refer to as in the trenches in that sense. I do love it though . I am currently trying to find ways to save money so that when they are school age I can be one of the mums you talk about!

I think you also need to spend time with different people…what a negative outlook of SAHPs! I’ve been one for 7 years, none of your reasons for my choice are true. This was my first choice. I love spending as much time as possible with my children and husband. I have been to university and had a career as a teacher, but this is the best thing I’ve ever done. My children have zero health or educational needs.

My positives: time! Time to make memories with my gorgeous children at every age and stage, time to spend quality time with my husband in the evenings at home or out on dates, time to properly clean and organise my home, time to garden and do DIY, time to walk and swim, time to spend with my Mum, time to get to know my neighbours and local community better and volunteer and my children’s school.

I grew to loathe having to rush through every single minute and part of my day/week as a teacher whilst constantly ill and run down, I much prefer my lifestyle now. I am in much better health.

My Mum was a SAHM for 12 years and genuinely re-trained very quickly and easily for a new career (in pharmacy as opposed to civil service) when she was going through a divorce. She didn’t have a degree, only A-Leveks.

I am a SAHM (ex-teacher), so I don’t worry about this as schools are crying out for teachers/TAs. Plenty of SAHMs are highly qualified and have had careers prior to starting their families. I’ve always lived within my means, stuck with an affordable, smaller house, never had a credit card, amassed substantial savings in my own right before resigning, own half of our home in my own name, have maintained contacts from my previous career, made new contacts through being a school governor…I genuinely get offered jobs a fair bit (3 different, serious offers in 1 year!) when I’m not even looking, so I don’t think this is any reason not to go for it!

I’m living the best 7 years of my life so far with my gorgeous family and wouldn’t change a thing! 😊

But what job is one or two days a week? The job market is pretty tough, and most part time jobs are crap pay. Its a fantasy that many very part time jobs exist.

I can imagine cleaning and maybe care work at a push. Not exactly a career many people would want to pick up full time later

I have a professional well paid job that I do one day a week - I was pretty senior in my career when taking the break though so was able to set my own terms. It is possible although of course it still impacts further progression.

It's interesting to hear how different we feel.
I was a SAHM for 4 years and it wasn't my choice. It was the downturn at the time I was made redundant while having babies. To me it felt devastating for my career.
Money was very tight but we just about could live in my DH's salary during that time. I felt lost. I looked at other women who looked genuinely happy, women with university degrees like myself and wondered how we could feel so happy forgetting about everything they have done until that moment.

When I went back to work after 4 years I went back full time and since then I felt the person I wanted to be. Mum of three and economically independent. But that's how I saw myself since I was very young.
I do assume they way you see yourself from early age might determine how you feel when you actually have your kids.