Jealous of mums who don’t have to work

[Apologiesbut]

This is totally my problem, I know it is ..
I was sortof a sahm before but my 3 dcs were small so also v hard work so I didn’t benefit from them all being at school and me being a sahm! I worked freelance but only 15 or so hours a week.

I went back to “proper” work when my youngest started school, I’m a teacher in secondary but in a challenging school. My dh and I have absolutely no family support so we juggle everything ourselves ,there’s v v limited childcare where we live (not uk ) and very long holidays….
I’m very lucky in that I get school holidays off with my kids so I really appreciate how lucky I am. This does mean that I’m either working or with my kids though. My dh is great and does as much as he can with a f/t job. Neither of us will ever get any inheritance, we have never had any financial or physical support from family so it’s all on us, like many people!
We aren’t entitled to any help from the government so we just have to work , work , particularly now.
I know when I drop my kids off tomorrow the parents who are all beaming and delighted with the “back to routine “ are sahps , it’s always them.
Honestly , I’m jealous. It’s so exhausting managing work and 3 dcs for both me and my dh , it just is.
We have tried to access as much support as we can afford but there really isn’t much , we were lucky to get 3 days of afterschool and on Fridays it closes at 4pm . At least I can be with my kids during the holidays but I find the day to day exhausting and I do like my job. It’s all the things we need to do with the kids and work . I had 6 months off between jobs before while our dcs were in school and it was a revelation, I was so rested and relaxed and the house was completely repainted (by me) outside and inside,I got a skip , I was fitter, so we’ll rested ….If I gave up work I’d be happier but we’d have way less money to pay off mortgage etc.
This is just a moan but I’ll be running to get to work after drop off tomorrow and there’ll be a lot of parents happy out and I know exactly why and I’m stupidly envious…. And I know it’s the theif of joy. I can’t afford to give up work ..

I know when I drop my kids off tomorrow the parents who are all beaming and delighted with the “back to routine “ are sahps , it’s always them
I disagree with this , it’s more likely to be the mums that work . I was more or less SAHP ( I actually worked 1 night shift per week as a nurse) and I loved the holidays as there was no getting up at a set time , no school runs and I could basically have fun with my children . I would think the happiest mums tomorrow will be the ones who’ve juggled childcare and work over the Christmas break .

Not bitter at all. It was an honest open question and I put across my pov. What do we want? A bunch of cheap yes validation answers?

that is quite a take! I’ve been a SAHM (with lots of friends, very happy to leave the house and holidays!). Just because someone is living a different life to you doesn’t mean they are miserable.

@catphone
Your situation is in no way comparable, stop attention seeking, this woman has a career and juggles kids, career, home; you've never worked or intend to.

Pp will tell themselves anything to make themselves feel better…

I was a Sahm for a long time as we'd had 4 children in 5 years and couldn't afford childcare so that we could both work.

Believe me when I say it's not a life of luxury;it's a never ending circle of cooking,cleaning,laundry,tidying up,dealing with a child who wants you/something,school runs,nursery runs,errands,grocery shopping etc.I spent a total of 7 years doing multiple school and pre school runs with pick ups in the middle of the day too as I'd usually have one child in school and one in pre school.

I worked part time for a few years then had to quit as one of my children developed very serious health issues and needed to be cared for.This was on top my youngest who has severe SEN and then one of my other children also developed health issues on top of their SEN too.

My 3 younger ones are teens and I've only been able to return to work part last year but I still have a really heavy load at home.

It's not always black and white;lots of us fall very much in those grey areas.

I really hope you find a solution that suits you OP so that you find some peace with balancing your work/life balance.Good luck.

I don't lead a sahm life admittedly but I'm just going by some very common mn t'threads on here.

Sorry but this is bollocks and is not the SAHM life that I or any of my friends had. You’re kidding yourself😂

Just answered this point above.

@Vettrianofan I also don’t find it easy with my 3 dcs in the holidays at all…..
But I’m honestly dreading the return to school, I find working with 3 dcs and managing a home fckn hard tbh , very and my dh is great.
I like my job but it isn’t remotely a break for me at all and working parents still have everything else to deal with around work (housework , homework, activities , appointments etc ). Basically we never get a break. I have to work financially for now though.

Bitter or what . I don’t know what circles you mix in but that couldn’t be further from the truth for most of the SAHMs that I knew .

I think you need a day off. I'm a SAHM because I have a child with SEN who has only just started school, has low attendance so far and can't access any holiday childcare. But I've worked lots of variations on part time and that would be my preference. I'm a bit bored at times tbh and looking for some volunteering opportunities or a micro job.

I think people ask for help on MN when they have a problem, not when things are going well so it’s probably quite biased!

Oh for Pete's sake. Ok Op, just do what all the angry yes people on here say. I'm out. MN lets itself down with attacks to a response to a two way yes/no question such as this sometimes.

@Duckingella I’m not talking about being a sahm when young kids are at home . I was effectively that (although worked 15 hours freelance a week) .
I’m talking about when kids are in school!! It’s completely different if all your dcs are in school as basically you have time .
All the cleaning , cooking, organising , paperwork , activities-we still have do do as well as work which is why it’s so hard . Re. Childcare , we only have afterschool for 3 days until 4.30.

I think the thing to recognise is no one is having it easy with their set up. We all have unique challenges within our family circumstances.

Be proud of what you're achieving for your family OP.

It sounds like you should reduce your hours for a bit, and probably drop your standards

Not working at all is too risky I think, and also has its downsides

What you are talking about is that life simply isn't fair! Despite what people might say, hard work doesn't pay off, the people having the best lives aren't the ones who've worked the hardest, it's the people who've been given or inherited money. People will also say 'life's not fair, suck it up'.
No! Don't suck it up, push back.
It never used to be this bad or this hard to get ahead and imo the one of biggest drivers of inequality and poverty and relentless slog is the cost of housing and wider cost of living.
Get political OP, and demand better.

I think you need to spend time with different people, OP — the only people I know of either sex who have been SAHPs for more than a few months have done so because of illness (their own or their children), misfortune, children with SEN etc. I don’t know anyone who would regard it as anything other than a misfortune.

I could never rely on anyone else to support me

I love my kids but being a sahp would be mind numbing.

Go down to three days until all kids are at secondary maybe?
The grind is tough

I'm also jealous

I turned into a childminder instead or a career woman when mine were babies. Got into a rut and never stopped.

I am the only woman on my road that still works full time!
Never had any family to help. DH and I met, both only children and no parents involved

And I did not take a pension out because I didn't understand.

I had it easy.
I was a SAHM for years with no financial pressure, it was great. No inheritance or anything like that but I'm older than the OP and my generation just had an easier ride through life.

Your pov was :"Yeah on the face of it those sahm's might be living the life of riley but in reality they are probably living hand to mouth, no family holidays, and have housebound anxiety with a small circle of friends."

Atleast you used the word "probably" meaning you don't know any sahp just a bunch of ignorant assumptions. How is that helpful to the OP or others reading taking offense?

@Apologiesbut Sorry, OP, didn't mean to hijack your thread. Look over your finances and see if there is any other type of job you can do until DC are older. A friend of mine left secondary teaching (maths) to work parttime for Ofstead. Don't know if this or something similar could be a possibility ? Tutoring ?