Should people be more mindful in these situations?

[Pileofsugar]

I had a gp appointment during my lunch break and as I walked in there was a young woman at reception shouting and crying being consoled by some people in the waiting room. The receptionist had asked her something about her mum filling out x form for her which she’d responded that her mum had passed and they should have known that as she’d removed her from the patients list this week.
It got me thinking, there are so many assumptions everyone has family and people to rely on. I’ve had workmen asking if I can get my mum over for the appointment when I couldn’t be home, I don’t have a mum and resent people assuming this. Ive had people who don’t know me say “oh you probably left it at your mums house or can your mum babysit so you can come along for drinks”.
I felt bad for the girl in the gp surgery knowing she will also have to correct people from now on. It was made public on SM and the receptionist has been brutally called out.
It may seem really over sensitive what with the snowflake generation we seem to now be, but situations like these can be hurtful, especially after seeing how upset the girl was. Mental health is a real and serious issue. It doesn’t affect me anymore but it’s still irritating correcting people who then want to know details.
Should people in professional jobs be less specific and ask about ‘relatives’ rather than ‘mum/dad’? Do you correct people each time in this situation? Or are you someone who assumes they have a mum/dad? Would love to hear people’s experiences.

No. We expect our children to be resilient and cope with the hurts of life whilst carrying on.

Adults should be role modelling this resilience, not expecting other people to dance around their feelings.

You can’t expect everyone to never refer to a person having family members or friends, that’s daft. We can’t just be permanently offended by everything, it’s not healthy.

I agree that this generation of young adults do need to be more resilient.
Otherwise they are going to be completely broken.
Unfair to call out the receptionist on social media. It was an honest mistake

While people can and should be sensitive I don't think we should remove all references to Mum/Dad just in case.

I’ve had workmen asking if I can get my mum over for the appointment when I couldn’t be home, I don’t have a mum and resent people assuming this. Ive had people who don’t know me say “oh you probably left it at your mums house or can your mum babysit so you can come along for drinks”.

I find that really weird. I don't think I've ever had people make that assumption. Maybe because most people I know don't live near where they grew up, so no one would assume someone else would have a parent nearby so wouldn't make the comments you've received.

To say to someone you don't know "you probably left it at your mum's house" is very strange. Not insensitive as such, just really weird when you don't know someone. Why would you assume they'd left something at their mum's house unless you knew they'd been there recently?

In a small talk situation I try not to make assumptions about what family people do or don't have.

It is not obvious why the Gp receptionist needs to ask about mum, but it probably wasn't an unreasonable question. The woman's reaction was probably driven by intense grief not logic.

If the person in the doctors is a child - it would make sense for the reception staff to refer to the parents to help with a form. Unfortunately in this certain case, that brought up some raw feelings. In 99% of cases, bringing that up wouldn't haven't been an issue - you don't change what is the assumed norm based on 1% of people being in a different situation.

The receptionist possibly wouldn't have known the persons mum had been removed from the patient list (and this could have been for more than one reason!) and probably wouldn't have been able to make the link to the person infront of her needing to fill out a form.

Calling someone out on social media for doing their (very tough!) job isn't fair at all. Although the woman was struggling mentally, shouting and crying in a doctor's reception and then taking it to social media isn't really a proportional reaction, things shouldn't be changed based on that.

I don’t think the receptionist was the one in the wrong here.

Some people need to be less dramatic (& yes, I have lost a parent - I would not have been screaming and shouting in this situation)

No, I think people need to not constantly hyper focus on tiny things that are done without malice or intent and get on with whatever the important thing is. I get called "Mrs" all the time though I'm divorced..should I take umbrage or just crack on?

I disagree with you.

By your reasoning, we shouldn’t talk to other people as even the ability to talk could cause offence.

The woman isn’t unreasonable to be upset that someone reminded her that her mother had passed away but unless she knows that the receptionist was spiteful, she was unreasonable to assume the worst humiliate the person who probably didn’t even do the paperwork necessary to process a person who was deceased. The person who lost her mother is not unreasonable for not behaving calmly but everyone else should know better. You can sympathise with the person who lost her mum without demonizing the receptionist.

People should try and say mum or dad rather than mum in some of the examples above but that’s a different situation. Assuming that everyone has bad intentions isn’t the way to a happy calmer life.

I feel sorry for the receptionist being called out on social media (hunted down more like) for an honest mistake.

To be clear it wasn’t me who called out the receptionist I just saw the post, I have nothing to grow up for, Jesus. I felt sorry for the girl losing her mum I was not involved in the slightest.
Seems no one can ask a question without being attacked these days!
I agree there needs to be more resilience.
I also agree with the poster who said it’s weird to mention their mum at all.
surely a ‘do you have a relative or carer/friend over 18 who can do xyz’ is a more appropriate request from and to a stranger? Isn’t it too formal to ask strangers about their mums directly?

Good grief.
The person I feel sorry for in this story is the receptionist.
Called out on social media for an honest mistake, when she sees hundreds of patients every day??
That's totally unfair.

On the flip side, the shouting woman has no idea what the receptionist is going through either. They could have anything going on. Understanding goes both ways.

Really can’t see how it is too formal.

I think because of your own situation you've taken this very personally. You could apply the same logic to literally any family member - people have lost dads, mums, children, close friends, we can't go about life treading on eggshells.

I'm sorry about your mum 💐.

It is inevitable that these things will happen sometimes and it is OK for someone to be upset ... a normal reaction.
I still wear my wedding ring even though I am widowed. Occasionally someone makes an assumption that he's alive. I just explain the situation. To be begin with it upset me ... but that is normal and I did not feel the need to blame anyone.
GP receptionists have 1000s of patients on the books ... they can't remember everything.

I tend to go with intention. Was the receptionist's intention to be cruel and insensitive? Or, was she trying to be kind?

I try to forgive where people make mistakes if their intention was innocent.

I have found that this approach prevents resentment.

A simple ‘Do you have someone who could help you with that?’ Should be enough.

I agree that, in this particular case, the receptionist should have been more careful.
All HCP are trained to be very mindful around those subjects. Just like in school, they talk about your carer/your adult etc…rather than automatically mum and dad.

I think it’s harder in more general circumstances. Even though it shouldn’t be hard to avoid those assumptions.

EDIT TO ADD: Note too that the assumption was that MUM filled the forms for her. Not her dad…..

No one can exist without a mum and dad. Or at least without male and female reproductive systems - so parents.

I have been caught a few times when I've been asked for my mums maiden name for security questions. She has died. But I don't hold others accountable for my feelings.

I'd hold them accountable for not being empathetic to me getting upset - but still answering their question.

I agree that we should all try to be more mindful but, like others, I find the ‘brutally calling out’ of the receptionist on social media the more disturbing aspect here. ( I take the point that the OP wasn’t involved in this).

I think this is the most reasonable approach to anything that I have ever seen on mumsnet

Where does this end OP? GP receptionists are crazy busy, it takes 20 minutes for them to answer the phone at my surgery.

Are they meant to check all personal details before they speak to patients lest they trigger them?

What if someone asks you if a friend can help and you don't have any friends? What if you're widowed and they ask if your husband can help? Or divorced? Or sad about being single? Or gay?

Totally agree with this. Did someone REALLY film someone upset in a GP SURGERY and then post it on social media?????

I find that completely shocking