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Original poster

To hate ‘enjoy every minute, it goes by in a flash’ comments…

118 replies

Wobblytrouble · 28/12/2024 18:15

I’m a parent to two young children - 3.5 and 9 months. It’s bloody hard work most days - obviously there are flashes of fun and I love them both dearly and try to remain ‘in the moment’ as much as I can. But it’s hard with all of the other stresses of working, running a house, trying to maintain relationship with DH, friends, get enough rest, exercise etc. if I ever speak to anyone about how tough it is people mostly say ‘oh enjoy it while it lasts, it goes by in a flash’… or ‘you’ll miss the cuddles when they’re gone!’ or any other variation of this comment.

I think when you’re feeling overwhelmed that these comments are the worst things that you can say to someone struggling & in the trenches. When you’re vulnerable and sharing your struggles, someone saying ‘enjoy it’ doesn’t change anything or make you feel any better about the situation. It just makes you feel worse for not ‘enjoying every minute’. I think it’s mostly due to people looking back with rose tinted glasses e.g. my mum! Just wondering if I’m alone in this thinking?

OP posts:

Tattletail · 28/12/2024 20:06

It is very frustrating when someone says this, because the moment at which they say it is often when you are at the end of your tether and your looking for some solidarity.

But there is some truth in it. I imagine if it was said in a moment of happiness and calm the comment would come across better.

Vergus · 28/12/2024 20:12

People aren’t saying it to be mean though. They have probably lived it too at some point, maybe as they’ve got older they’ve forgotten just how hard the early years are. People have short memories. That’s why they look back on the past with rose-tinted glasses

Newhi · 28/12/2024 20:14

Hated hated hated the baby stage!! Not every bloody moment is precious. Yes, there are fun things, but there are a lot that aren’t. Sometimes you just want a moan and not people trying to ‘fix’ things. I love the weekends when we are all relaxed and do fun things, pick ups from nursery and bedtime routine doesn’t have to be a perfect moment.

Kokomjolk · 28/12/2024 20:15

I thought everything got a lot better once my youngest was 3. I now have a 9 year old and a 7 year old and there is a lot more to enjoy in my opinion. It has got better and better and I feel sick if I imagine going back to having any children under 3. Yes, they were very cute and there were moments of delight. I still don't miss it.

It would have been fine with me if it could have gone by in much more of a flash than it did.

theprincessthepea · 28/12/2024 20:19

I know what you mean. I have a 12 year old and baby - honestly whilst I’m making the most of the cuddles because I know how quickly time goes - I also know that time can feel like it’s equally standing still with children - day in and day out can feel same-ish. That comments never really helps.

Jellycats4life · 28/12/2024 20:22

YANBU. It’s emotionally manipulative and just makes you feel shit about yourself. I remember when my children were similar ages (I had a bigger age gap) and it was pretty awful. I can smile at photos of that time but wouldn’t go back if you paid me.

Time DOES go fast but no way would you ever catch me telling a mother to enjoy the unenjoyable!

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 28/12/2024 20:23

I remember this being said to me too, in fact like it was yesterday and feeling really irritated by it. My dc are 24 and 21 now and I really don't know where the years have gone but I do wish I'd tried to be more in the moment. Easy to say from this side of it, truth be told I was a better mum the older they got, there was a phase in the middle at Primary school where I did wish I had a pause button. You do your best and some stages are better than others and some people are more suited to different stages. It will get better that much I'm sure.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 28/12/2024 20:35

Mine were lovely cute little children but boy Christmas is more relaxing now they're 15 and 13!

MightyGoldBear · 28/12/2024 20:40

I always think the people that say this have forgotten what it's actually like or had a very different experience.

We have no support its relentless on us 24 7 all three we are their entire worlds. We have two with additional needs. It's just hard work there are moments that are lovely but mostly it is relentless hard work.

We all find different things more or less hard work/draining depending on who we are. My oldest needs lots of deep chats as he enters the teenage years and my youngest needs lots of physical input. My middle has high needs which change daily. I'm switching gears continuously burning out in every area.

The people that say enjoy it... wish they had their children little again are only wishing it for a day or a week and it's for the cuddles or seeing them tiny and cute. They aren't walking past a meltdown in tescos and saying god I miss being screamed at and having to abandon my trolley in tescos.

I'd much rather someone say god it's hard but there are some lovely bits try If you can to step back occasionally and be present for them . But equally if you're just surviving well done sometimes that's all you can do.

Or even better let me take on some mental/physical load for you so you actually have the capacity to enjoy your child/children

BlueScrunchies · 28/12/2024 20:50

It annoys me too. I take it in the spirit in which it is intended, and acknowledge myself that your memories do warp with time and you tend to forget the really hard bits. Parents who say this to you have probably got their rose tinted glasses on!

I have a 2yo now and while she is wonderful and I love spending time with her. I am excruciatingly exhausted ALL THE TIME. I genuinely have no idea how people cope with multiple children and a full time job, I can just about handle one child and occasionally squeeze in some fitness / gym work too.

AbsolutelyFriggingKnackered · 28/12/2024 20:57

This is why I love Mumsnet ^^ these honest and varied threads.

I find myself feeling sad about not 'being in the moment' all of the time and the realise that the 'normal and frequent moment' is the tiredness and tedium that comes with young children. Each year that goes by becomes a little bit easier to the point where I realise that I may not have a 2nd even though that's what id always wanted.

I love my child with everything I have, as most do, but my god it's hard!

DelilahRay · 28/12/2024 21:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the request of the user.

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 28/12/2024 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the request of the user.

No, it’s really not. It’s more than 10 years since I had a very small one, and I can’t imagine ever saying it.

shewillbefinestopworrying · 28/12/2024 21:09

I would give anything and I mean anything to have time with my kids when they were small with the head I have NOW. At the time I felt like I was drowning. In saying that I found the teenage years SO much harder than when they were small. Not everyone goes through that though but I found as they got bigger the problems got bigger and harder to fix. But it is true that it goes by so very quickly but when you are in the trenches it seems endless. I can honestly say I miss those days now though.’

TurkeyDinosaurs2 · 28/12/2024 21:14

I don't think you're ever going to know what you didn't do enough of until you're that past that stage and looking back.

I could cuddle my daughter more and 'relish our time' more etc, but it's too familiar to me and won't feel as special compared to when she's older, it doesn't happen as much anymore and I'm missing it.

That's the cruelty of time unfortunately.
The comments aren't wrong, but they're not particularly helpful either for the above reasons.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/12/2024 21:21

There are lots of new lovely things to enjoy as your children get older. Mine are now 20 and 18, and it's still bloody brilliant being their Mum. People just say boring stuff...

blackheartsgirl · 28/12/2024 21:21

Goldenmemories · 28/12/2024 18:22

Teenagers are more fun 😁 not everyone loves the baby stage. It's relentless tbh.

Mine aren’t 😭

mine are a miserable bunch and all they do is bicker, don’t want to do anything, and when I can get them out, sit there and ask when can they go home.

i miss the early days personally although I know and understand many dont

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 28/12/2024 21:26

You can travel with teenagers. We went to Japan (somewhere I’ve always wanted to go) in April. We couldn’t have contemplated it till DD was over 10.

Bryonyberries · 28/12/2024 21:26

I work with young children and reminded every day how hard the early years are for parents, especially when they are both working on broken sleep.

I had four, three are adults and youngest is 15 and in Yr 11. I both miss the younger years but also am really enjoying this stage. I'm kept reminded of the young years by my job so less nostalgic than I might be by now.

Enjoy every stage but also be aware the challenges change at each stage. Once a parent you have a lifetime of worry and pride!

MrsWinslowsSoothingSyrup · 28/12/2024 21:27

It's not actually gone in a flash, it is years of hard work.

But I think what people mean is: 'shit, I can't believe my being a mum to a child days are over - it's done, it's gone, it's over . . . forever'.

It's a really weird feeling.

You get so used to the hard work it feels like a weird big empty space opens up when they hit 14/15/16/17

DelilahRay · 28/12/2024 21:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the request of the user.

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 28/12/2024 21:29

Bu I ought to acknowledge here that talking about a teenager who loves to travel when someone else has just lamented that theirs don’t want to do anything is about as helpful as the parent of a baby who sleeps bragging to the parent of one who doesn’t!

socks1107 · 28/12/2024 21:29

You're right it irritates me too.
I'm past those years they talk about and being with my DDs is still as magical and enjoyable as it was back then. I've loved every age and I love them being young adults

usernamedunno · 28/12/2024 21:34

YANBU

BUT it is good to remind/force yourself to do from time to time

Take lots of videos they're so adorable at that age! You'll see it in a few years

NameChanger91736 · 28/12/2024 21:34

It is true though 😅

There was 22 months between mine and it was so so hard. The baby fed every 2 hours and the toddler didnt nap, ontop of that was in a DV relation ship with no support at all

Their only 8 and almost 10 now, but I do look back and miss those baby/toddler days and wish I had that time with them again. I also remember how exausted I was, how hard I found it and how lonely I felt at times, but I really do wish we had those times again

It's really difficult when your in the midst of it, because it is so hard and draining. It gets easier the older they get, but then the worries are different.

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