Autistic child Christmas

[Shooowop]

Solidarity to those dealing with the needs of an autistic / special needs child today, as we know the sensory challenges and general excitement of the day can cause a lot of deregulation and challenging behaviour (my own is non verbal so makes it more difficult to explain what’s going on)

I'm sat having a cuppa alone savouring the last few minutes before everyone wakes. We go very low key and calm, presents not wrapped and staggered throughout the week so shouldn’t be too chaotic (famous last words), for us it’s more the meal that’s challenging and also staying inside (our usual places to go being closed etc)

And just so you know you’re not alone, not everyone’s Christmas looks like it does on social media or the telly.

I hope we all have some peace and some joy as much as possible 🎄 💪🏻

A lovely post. You are positive, adaptive, realistic and informative. I hope you enjoy those moments that you can and manage those moments that are the challenge.

Thank you but I mostly feel frazzled, ill equipped and bloody useless! What’s helped is coming off social media and stopping comparing. It isn’t the ‘experience’ of parenting I thought I would have, but I’ve been through my mourning and anger time and I’m ready to accept and try to lean in to the happiness in a different way.

merry Christmas 🎄

Merry Christmas @Shooowop . Hope it all goes well.

My boy had one Xmas blip a couple years ago but was a delight last year so keeping fingers crossed I've got it right for him this year. We've opened some presents yesterday too and I'm doing a very normal dinner for him just with some stuffing!

He is pretending to still believe. Just had a lovely cuddle before we go downstairs.

Good luck to everyone. Have a lovely day and totally agree with you op, not everyone's day looks the same. There's no perfect.

Thank you I have 4 autistic kids so our day is the same, same routine, food ect and we will go to the usual park with youngest 2 if dry enough later! Have a lovely Christmas and what a lovely thread 😊 x

Aww @Mumteedum that sounds perfect. How old is your boy? Stuffing is the best part, I’m with him there!

I live for the cuddles, they’re few and far between and mostly I get hit in the face (lovingly haha) or I get the ‘goat nudges’ where he bashes his head against
mine in a sort of kiss fashion 😂

Merry Christmas OP, your DC is lucky to have you. It's relentless, tough and feels very unfair sometimes but you sound very, very far from ill equipped and useless. In fact the very opposite!

@onwardandupwards wow 4! You must literally have superpowers my hats off to you 💓 and yes routine is key, I think we are on the 17038399th watch of a particular episode of bluey at this point but at least I’m never stuck thinking what to put on the telly 😂

hoping you get some dry weather so the youngers get a good run about! 🙏🙏🎄🎄

We are on the similar amount of episodes of paw patrol!! It's looking dry enough for the park and lunch is plain pizza for one, pasta and cheese for 2 of them and jacket potato for the youngest.! Hope the day goes lovely and smoothly for you all xx

Been there so sending solidarity. Birthdays also problematic. X

iPad on playing Roblox and watching youtube as always, fish fingers for christmas dinner. Presents are still in the cupboard - DC isn't ready for them yet but hopefully they'll make it out the cupboard at some point today, if not they'll get opened at some point in the next few days/weeks. Solidarity with you all and hope you all have a lovely day 🥰

Honestly, letting go of all those expectations is the best thing you can do for yourself and for them. Good for you for coming off social media, 90% of what's on there is BS anyway.

We are an entirely neurodivergent household and Christmas day is just us - no family, no fancy cooking, very low demand and we tend to stick with our usual routines because everyone is happiest and calmest they way. I'll go feed the animals with DS2 this morning (we've got pygmy goats and chickens) and DS1 and DH will walk the dogs. I'm on call for work for a bit later on which is the only disruptive bit. Everyone has permission to just take themselves off if they need alone time. I'm sure most of MN would be horrified at DS1 sat in his room gaming on Christmas day for 4 hours in the afternoon, DS2 binge watching netflix in his room, me downstairs doing crafts, and DH watching football documentaries, no family roast dinner (did it last night and only just avoided a meltdown of my own, hate hate hate cooking roast dinners because of the timings, too many things to think about at the same time, ugh) and everyone eats what they want when they want - leftovers, cheese toastie, snacks, whatever.

The rest of the time, our ND kids are having to work so bloody hard to deal with the expectations of school, society, etc. Giving them a Christmas that's as low demand as possible seems like the best thing we can do. Fuck the Instagram parenting, matching pyjamas and MasterChef Christmas dinners!

Merry Christmas!

I usually do a roast on a Sunday so today is basically a Sunday for us.

And all others dealing with SEN or diagnosis.

Lots of people suffer not only people with autism..

Sure and they’re welcome to start their own threads too. Merry Christmas :)

For the first time ever DS, 5, has opened presents with wrapping paper on.

He's only gotten about half way through though and needs a break.

Last year it took him 8 days to get round to them and most were unwrapped and it was very calm, though unconventional.

We are expecting visitors though. Just the thought of it is distressing. It's not our house, we just live here with other family, so we don't get a say in who comes and goes but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the dysregulation, and just hope one day DS and I can do a Christmas our own special way.

But on a positive note so far so good, and I will cross my fingers toes and boobs that the rest of the day goes just as smoothly as it is so far.

Keeping everything crossed for you! 🙏🙏🎄🎄💓💓

Merry Christmas, OP.
My autistic child really struggles for the whole of December with all the build-up and extra events. He loves his family but when we had people over yesterday it was all too much for him. We are having a quiet couple of days now just us and I hope that will help.
He is doing very well with his presents this year, often he has very negative reactions but he seems happy with the presents he got (except he did tell my mum he didn't like one of hers, but I think she gets him so it's ok).
I totally hear you about reframing our expectations of parenting and family life. Accepting we have to do what works for our kids is the hardest and also most radical and helpful thing we can do.

With the greatest of respect for your challenges and being mindful that everyone is different, please be aware that not all autistic people would frame being autistic as suffering. I wouldn't actually change my brain, as hard as it is sometimes.

Parents with autistic children are also allowed to start their own threads to speak specifically about those challenges and they don't need to remember to include all the other possible diagnoses that can make Christmas more difficult to manage. Autism is autism, and the challenges can be quite specific, as I know they can be with other LD, SEN, neurodivergences, etc. Other SEN absolutely deserve their own space too. You are very welcome to start your own thread for this, and I hope you can access similar support to OP.

One of mine has refused to get out of bed, told me they hate me and I'm stupid and that they wish they were dead. The other one has come down, had a look, and gone back upstairs crying. Everything is very low demand, they know what their presents are and we can open them as and when. DH and I are enjoying a cup of coffee and we'll try again in a bit.

Solidarity all round! I also came off social media earlier in the year and it's made a world of difference to me.

Oh and @MumChp we don't suffer with autism. There's no suffering going on here, there's lots of punching and kicking and biting and crying and screaming, and joy and laughter and stimming and brilliance every single day.

This thread is just what I needed, I have 1 NT and 1ND and balancing both their needs can be tricky. But we all feel like we might have cracked it this year by doing what PP have mentioned and just letting everyone do their thing with no demands or expectations. If my ND DD only wants Yorkshire, roasties and carrots on her plate that's fine and nobody will roll their eyes at her or nag her or bribe her. It's her plate. If she then eats half a block of cheddar that's ok too. And if she prefers to stay in her room most of the day she knows nobody will be downstairs moaning and wishing she was watching a film or playing a game with the rest of us. It's her Christmas too and she deserves to have joy in her way. I've got her a weighted blanket that I'm hoping will also bring her comfort. Happy Christmas everyone 🥰

Oh @LemonySippet ! Huge hugs. You sound like amazing parents. I feel that being an SEN parent has shown me the depths of calm and patience I never knew I had 😂 and never ever to take anything personally, but sometimes (I think we all feel the same) I want to scream in to the abyss or bang my head against every wall in the house 😭😂

how old are your DC?

im guessing your parenting styles is like ours which is general divide and conquer/ relay team lol. And then yes the little moments of being able to grab a cuppa and just recuperate- enjoy 👌🏻👌🏻

100% with the coming off social media. It’s helped hugely. The only thing I find difficult is being in public and other children interacting with me, for example a toddler talking to me on the train etc, reminds me of what my own child can’t do and sometimes have to have a cry in secret. But definitely social media and the doom scroll of ‘perfect’ families being removed from my eyeline is helpful.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead autistic brain is literally trying to work out how crossing boobs would work 😂 that made me laugh! x

Yes @CrazyGoatLady thank you for so eloquently explaining all that 👏🏻👏🏻100%

@NameChange30 merry Christmas 🎄💓 I love the pure truth bomb ND people love to drop, especially in this country where we over compensate saying how much we love things we actually don’t like 😭😂

you sound like you’re doing great and I’m so glad most of the presents went down a treat x