Autistic child Christmas

[Shooowop]

Solidarity to those dealing with the needs of an autistic / special needs child today, as we know the sensory challenges and general excitement of the day can cause a lot of deregulation and challenging behaviour (my own is non verbal so makes it more difficult to explain what’s going on)

I'm sat having a cuppa alone savouring the last few minutes before everyone wakes. We go very low key and calm, presents not wrapped and staggered throughout the week so shouldn’t be too chaotic (famous last words), for us it’s more the meal that’s challenging and also staying inside (our usual places to go being closed etc)

And just so you know you’re not alone, not everyone’s Christmas looks like it does on social media or the telly.

I hope we all have some peace and some joy as much as possible 🎄 💪🏻

So far not so bad. DS 4 has autism. Usually he gets really overwhelmed at Christmas but we've only had a few minor meltdowns. He's still in his pyjamas but we aren't hosting or trying to meet other people's expectations. He is extremely fussy with food so he's eaten half a sausage and that's it. I'm glad we aren't hosting and able to just relax at home.

I’m having a lovely Christmas, like I do every other year, thanks. I pity the people who have to drag their kids round to various other houses to visit family members and struggle through dinners they don’t enjoy when all they want to do is be at home with their immediate family playing with their new toys 🤷‍♀️

This thread is just what I needed so thank you op. Anther entirely neurodivergent household here and we have finally mastered the art of not giving a fuke who thinks what of us and what the societal norms are “supposed” to be because let’s face it, who wants to be normal? My house would be boring if that was the case and it’s far from that.

ive got 2 with autism, both what is better known as “high functioning” which is the best way I can describe them, very intelligent but crippled with anxiety and ocd and are suffering with fibromyalgia like me.

dd (13) has had her Christmas list going since the summer, can’t cope with surprises and is going through her obsessive
cleaning phase again so Christmas has just amplified that. She hasn’t left the house since August as is petrified so no chance of going to panto/winter wonderland l/shopping etc and that’s just the way it is at the minute. Ds(21) is much more sociable but struggles with the simplest things. It’s hard and nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I’ve stopped social media it’s too toxic and I don’t need it. I am content this year as we’re doing exactly as we please and it’s liberating. Merry Christmas 🎄

Thank you and hope your day is going as well as it can.

16 year old with PDA here and she opened her main present a couple of days ago. Today's presents have been thrown at me and she's been verbally abusing me all day -

Im actually not well - and just want to crawl into a hole. But it's just a day ...

Merry Christmas @Shooowop I hope that you and your family have a lovely Christmas!
My autistic son is 6 and this has been the best yet!
Very low key! Presents that were on his list, and what ever food he wants to eat! No expectations helped!

Merry Xmas to all on this thread.

We've not cooked a Xmas dinner. We've not had guests. We've not worn matching PJ's due to sensory issues.

I've lost a few baubles and decorations to thrown shoes. 🙄🤦 Oh and my washing machine door has been broken by you gest swinging on it trying to regulate himself. 😔

Our nights have not been good the last few weeks.

My primary school aged child was quizzing me about Santa, lots of probing logical questions - he's too much of a free thinker to be a believer for long. Then my eldest is an adult now yet still pleased as punch at his cuddly toys and Lego sets. They're both fantastic but both require a lot of different adaptations to how we live day to day.

I'm now sat alone as my kids have gone to their dad's as we split the day. I'm knackered and am having a well earned glass of wine and probably an early night!

We've had a lovely Xmas in our own way. They are happy and that's the main. I agree comparison is the thief of joy.

Thinking of all of you ... washing machine is on for 3rd time. Meds changed 2 weeks ago with not such nice side effects! Also only got 3 hours sleep. Hoping we have enough supplies until supermarket reopens in morning at 8am!

I wish dsd's issues were "only" autism as that's the least of her problems . I smile because there's no point in getting angry at her medical team

On a positive note my dd in who also autistic is having a great Christmas, the first away from me, she is in her 20's.

Ds joined us at the table for 15 minutes! He is mainly tube fed due to his arfid but Christmas dinner (on Christmas Day only!) is one of the few meals he will eat a little of. It’s the only time he eats with us which is lovely!

My boy did his Christmas routine -

up at 7 presents opened back to bed for a couple of hours about 8,
comes down about 10.30 played with his new toys after I deboxed it.
Has food his usual chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes with carrots then back up for peace and quiet.

He goes upstairs to his room to get away from it all. My mil leaves after dinner about 2.

2 ds here. Ds1 is asd&adhd, Ds2 is nt.
We have learnt after a few horrific Christmases full of meltdowns, how to have our Christmas. So now, it's low key, both open presents at same time, but no pressure. If Ds1 wants to open his later, then we go woth the flow. We have our Christmas dinner, but only put a little on his plate of things I know he likes.

The rest of the day is his. He can be upstairs in his room, or down here with us. This year he told us he only wanted lego, so he has lots of lego sets in his presents this year and is alternating between lego building and chilling in his room.

Also got him some sensory bits which have gone down a treat.

Our Christmases although a different routine to normal pretty much follow the same routine every year so he knows what to expect.

Definitely letting go of expectations was the key. Finding what worked for him and us and ds2 so no one misses out, but Ds1 can be as regulated as possible.

Checking in!

Hope your day has been OK, OP (and everyone else.)

We had bouncing off the walls levels of excitement followed by a mid-day energy crash- which was lying on the floor staring comatose at the ceiling. Fortunately, Christmas dinner seems to have given him his mojo back.

Still lots of presents to open here. He's only managed his stocking and 3 presents so far!

Just checking back in! Things are a touch better here as like most of us have saidI’ve just let the day happen now and going with the flow. Absolutely not checking any social media!

Only a few hours until bedtime.. ha! All jokes aside this thread has been really comforting, of course it’s awful reading about our children’s difficulties and feeling that sense of pain when they get so upset / disregulated but most days I feel like I am completely the only person dealing with this whilst every other family runs around not understanding and living a ‘perfect’ life (yes I have had many feeling sorry for myself days 😂 and in my right mind I know how daft this is)

reading your posts has given me comfort in knowing I’m not alone, especially on a day like today.

I hope the final hours of the day go as smoothly as they can for us all!

our children are lucky to have us, as we are them.

as I always think when I get angry or sad at my situation, my child has taught me more about love and patience and the meaning of family than anything ever could have. In a way, he saved and saves me as much as I do him.

merry Christmas to us all 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Thank you so much for starting this thread. DD1 is 16 and loves Christmas, but she has a very fixed idea of how it should be (although is unwilling/unable to contribute to any of the actual work it takes to make Christmas happen). I am exhausted from cooking, shopping for obscure presents, dawn wake up and (NT) DD2 who is 12 and like a small hormonal volcano.

She has rejected all the food she wanted to eat and wants to do board games now; I however, want to collapse. Woe betide us if we look like we’re not having fun at any point, so currently suppressing the rage and doing lots of Big Smiles. I feel like I’m in North Korea 😂

My two boys have opened a couple of presents each and they become overwhelmed so now they watching tv and I'm making them some more potatoes waffles cause I didn't make enough the first time.
My eldest son 7 participated in present opening for the first time ever it felt so special.

Oo, I get that. DD meticulously planned it all, and most was really lovely - in a torturous way. She declared that giving presents and baking for us was her way of showing us her Christmas spirit and love, as she declared: 'I'm not going to hug any of you, just because it's Xmas, and I expect you all to leave me in peace after you've opened my presents - at exactly 9:00 am''. The opening presents bit was lovely, but then we were frogmarched into the kitchen where we had to 'enjoy' her homebaked carrot cake, truffles, cheesecake, raspberry blondies and cup cakes. There was no mercy and the request to try some tomorrow in order to leave space for Christmas dinner was met with a steely 'No, it's Christmas, I planned for it to show you my love like this'. North Korea would be so proud of her. At least it's a tasty way of torture. Dh now has to watch a teenage horror movie with her, as that's what she planned for exactly 4.30 to 6pm (so he was frogmarched out of the kitchen), but I'm having a bath and looking forward to Gavin and Stacey in peace while suffering stomach pains.

Crying with laughter @NellyBarney- so glad it’s not just us in a hostage situation 😂

It’s gone very well for autistic 10yo DS2 today - ok so he hasn’t eaten his chosen Christmas dinner (mac n cheese), had way too much chocolate and Pringles, but he’s loved his presents and has spent much of the day happily playing Goat Simulator 3.

DS1 however, NT but does have OCD, had a major issue with a gift involving a subscription, so I’ve had tears from him today. Current OCD intrusive thoughts are around money being spent on him (thinks he’s undeserving), so we come across this every now and then. I think some teen hormones are involved which makes it worse. He has calmed down with a few rounds of WII sports and a mammoth Christmas dinner.

After a horrendous start to the day today and yesterday my 15yo DS is finally settled playing cafés with the little cousins. It's taken all day for him to get into a calm enough state to eat and interact, but at least has happened at some point.

All my kids have ASD and varying degree of challenges. Christmas (or any off timetable day) can be challenging but it's got easier over the years.

Had a mixed day of up and downs here some lovely bits though, the afternoon was quite frought but bit calmer now. I did ponder that I could have spent about £12.50 on gifts as he frogmarched the other banished presents he didn't quite like upstairs , not to worry I'm not offended, feel my shoulders relax as the day wears on.

We have an autistic 3 year old. He didn't open any of his presents but we 'helped' him open them (aka did it ourselves).
He's spent most of the day playing with his toy insects, specifically the praying mantis.

Just to update @Shooowop the weighted blanket was a hit, DD loves it.

Merry Christmas to you all & solidarity.

My 13 year old autistic DS loves Christmas as he is a sensory seeker who will eat anything. However, he has had his worst day in a while with his epilepsy, which could be brought on by all the excitement 😔

My favourite post on MN today xx

Hope everyone is starting to settle down to a little bit of calm, though I suspect it may go on a bit longer if your household is anything like ours! We're having some momentary respite as DD is playing with new Barbies in her room, DH is snoring on the sofa and I've been and sat with DS while he plays some sort of strategy game on his PC and we tried to figure out the best way to get through some traps together. DD ruled the roost most of the day with us trying to stop her from eating wrapping paper and loud screaming so he's nearly always upstairs and it's nice to spend time together.

I've said bedtime at 9.45, let's see how that goes lol 😆