How/when do we stop Christmas traditions for adult DCs?

[tulippa]

DD is 20 next month, in her first year at uni, and is back for the Christmas break. We have continued with a stocking and the usual spending budget on presents as we have throughout her childhood. We also carried on with the advent house we fill each day with small chocolates which were saved up for her when she came back last week. And we're continuing with other things we've always done like films, the way we decorate the tree etc.
I was wondering yesterday how long we carry this on for? Will it be weird if we stop next year for her and carry things on for DS (16)? If we stop for both, that's not fair on DS who will miss out four years of stocking presents etc. I don't want to be wrapping stocking presents for her when she's 30.
Has anyone else encountered this and, if so, how did you manage it?

I’m not answering your question, but your question prompts me to be reminded of my pal who has 3 teenage boys.
the whole family has one advent calendar, with little gifts etc in it.
all 5 members of the family receive something at some point (ie 3 days out of 25)
they have also include their boys in the creation of the magic, rather than consumers.

by teenage years Santa isn’t a person is he, he is an idea of generosity and magic, and by the time you are a teenager you have help and enjoy making magic not just consuming it.

your question is reminded me that I should pay attention to how my friends family does this because I enjoy the magic and want it to continue, but also don’t want to be the only person making magic or for it to be expected.

I'm 45 and although the presents have obviously scaled back, we've never stopped!

I still get a chocolate Advent calendar and a stocking from my mother and we all watch White Christmas together (the accompanying tradition of watching it with a White Russian is newer but no less appreciated!).

my daughter is 32 and married and I still do.all those things for her and now her husband as well. ! My other adult children live at home with younger ones and everyone still gets a stocking with choc coins etc and an advent calendar ! I love christmas !

My mother in law stopped it for everyone at the same time the first year they didn’t go home for Christmas, my husband was probably early 20s, his sister is 4 years older, so I suppose my husband did lose out on 4 years of stockings but at that age you can’t really complain 😂She continued to send advent calendars in the post til we were in our 30s though!

could you just scale it back a bit for your daughter on the stocking front, and if she’s not even there for most of advent I think it’s reasonable to stop that next year…

edited to add, I comment on my MIL because my mum died in my late teens so the traditions like that stopped then, as it was all very much a mum thing not a dad thing!

Why would you stop? Traditions are lovely and she will eventually do many of these things in her own home, with her own children, if she has them one day.

I mean, I suppose if she doesn’t come to yours at all for Christmas, don’t do it. But if she’s at yours for several days, give her a stocking and some chocolate and watch your favourite films. That sounds lovely. Exactly the sort of Christmas I wish I could have as an adult (I don’t have parents around anymore and MIL won’t have Dh to her house at all over Christmas, but if either of us had parents to visit at Christmas we’d love this. We’re in our 40s!).

By all means, cut your present budget if you need to though. As an adult, one nice gift is plenty, but keep up the chocolates and the fun and the little festive things you do.

And yes we always watch Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve and do all manner of Christmas traditions we started when they were young.

I'd carry on until out of education or at least the Under grad. Or change things up entirely and do a trip for some winter sun instead.

We don't do stockings any more but play a game instead where everyone contributes and wraps 5 X low cost (stocking style) gifts as the prizes

Largely as a family though we talked through the parts of Christmas that is important to us, and what parts we were happy to get rid of.
So a tree and lights was important but a popup quick to put up one was fine and can have special ornaments to it.
Cheese and crackers and a beach walk Christmas eve was important.
Mince pie/carrot/ reindeer food was not

I'm assuming I'll carry on at least until my daughter (19) has children (if she does) and probably even then, because it's sad how you vanish when kids come along and I'll always want her to know I'll make a fuss of her. I'd stop if she asked me. She asked when she got to 18 if she was too old for a stocking and was delighted when I said no. She's just more grateful these days, which is very nice!

I am 66 and I do stockings for friends who are on their own for Christmas... I did it with my sister until she died aged 72. There is no cut off, you just do what you can afford for as long as you feel comfortable.

how lovely. I agree that everyone should be spoiled at Christmas and the magic always remain.

I'm 46 and my mum still does me a stocking with a pack of tights, cotton pads, shower gel etc. My kids are tween and mid teen and I do the same for them too.
I wouldn't stop the stocking or the advent calendar, how much hassle is it really to stick some "useful" gifts if a stocking that you've picked up on your weekly shop?
Caveat: obviously if your stocking presents are Tiffany necklaces or hand woven scarves knitted from Tibetan yak hair then maybe scale back a bit now she's an adult

So do we - that's one of our traditions! Well it looks like we'll carry on for a bit longer. I don't mind, I was just wondering if it was a bit odd.

I still do it for ours(both (21&23, still living at home) .i might stop some of it when they leave home but my mum still does Christmas stockings for us all.

They both have a chocolate advent calendar, stockings, Christmas pjs and new tree decoration. I have cut down what I spend on them from approx £350 to £200.

When siblings and I each moved out, properly moved out not just away for uni/travelling etc, and stopped coming home for Christmas either spending it at our respective partners homes or hosting in our own homes - that's when my parents stopped doing us a stocking. We each found partners at different ages so it stopped at different ages for each of us really. If we were there on Xmas morning we'd still have a token stocking though - choc coins, satsuma, socks, a magazine or book, eg. The still posted us each advent calendars until we had our own children and then they started posting advent calendars to our children! 🥰

They stopped buying a Christmas tree only about 4 years ago - COVID Christmas lockdown and out up a few decs but not much.

We're all in our 40s now, parents in 70s.

My mum sent me advent calendars in the post too long after I was more than capable of buying my own!

Sorry to hear about your mum. That must have been hard at that age. DH is very a much a driver of the traditions here so just wanted to sense check things. I guess if it brings us happiness, we'll just carry on.

When they move out I'll stop. Mine are 21 and 18 and will still have a stocking.
Equally if they stay at boyfriends or friends they don't get one, only if they are here

I don't want to be wrapping stocking presents for her when she's 30.

why on earth not?! I’m 45 and still get a stocking from my mum. In the same stocking I had as a child.

In our house, everyone who sleeps here on Christmas Eve gets a stocking. I think I'll likely carry that on until I'm asked to stop or we have partners in the mix who want to do something different.

I’m waiting for DC (31 and 26) to arrive home for Christmas any minute. We still do pretty much the same as always. Stockings still have gold coins in, new pyjamas etc. They have partners now and one is joining us, the other is working all over Christmas (NHS).
Every year I think this will be the last one.

We had to stop them coming into our bedroom to open their stockings about five years ago though.

I can’t remember when exactly, but at some point we changed it so that the stockings became a bit like Secret Santa. There’s a £30 budget & each person does one stocking for someone else, apart from the usual presents.

We’ve never stopped, we include partners these days too. We post the things to our lot. Last year they clearly didn’t communicate with each other as DH and I received 3 stockings each 😂. One from each of them in the post along with gifts.

To add though that stockings in our house are fairly token affairs. A book/magazine, choc, a small gadget/toy, and something small to wear like socks, woolly hat or a hair band.

My DDs are in their 40s and whenever they’ve been staying on Christmas Eve, they’ve always had a stocking, albeit a little one. It’s the law in this house - anyone staying on Christmas Eve gets a stocking! 🎅🏻🎄

Surely you carry on for as long as she lives at home, or wants you to? Once she's moved out or living with a partner she'll have her own advent calendar and stocking rituals.

I’m just approaching this but I think I will do what my mum does, Christmas in her house is exactly the same as when we were children - if you wake up there on Christmas morning you get a stocking and gifts all magically appear delivered by Father Christmas. If you don’t you get given your presents when you visit her - I think it works well.
We have DS’s girlfriend staying with us Christmas Eve so I have done her a stocking and small pile of gifts as well as my kids. This is the first time we’ve had an extra person for Christmas morning so I’m following my mum’s example.