Anything you'd like to say to someone before you spend christmas with them?

[Dappy777]

Most of us have to bite our tongue over Christmas. Is there someone you dislike but will have to see during Christmas and New Year? Since you can't say it out loud, get it off your chest on MN! I'll start:

1. To my brother in law. You've got a good heart, and you're a good husband, but jesus you are such a flippin oaf. You hold your knife and fork like a toddler, eat with your mouth open, smack your lips together, burp, fart, pick your nose, and snort with laughter at inappropriate things. This year, please don't take your shoes and socks off and put your smelly size 12 feet on my coffee table. How is it possible to have so little self-awareness?

2. To my cousin. No, the universe does not revolve around you. Try listening to what the other person is saying instead of waiting impatiently for them to finish. You don't talk to or with people. You talk at them. It's breathtaking. Like all self-centred people you are sooooooo boring. You've never read a book, and don't have any interest in current affairs. In fact, you don't seem interested in anything but yourself. No interest in sport, music, film, science, art...nothing. Just boasting and bigging yourself up. I've never met anyone so incapable of talking objectively. No matter what the subject, you have to bring it back to you.

Very sadly, I'm not seeing them over Christmas. But would like to say "I truly don't understand what has happened? You have cut off the whole family (again) and we've been left so confused and bereft. I am so scared you are the victim of coercive control. I keep reaching out and won't ever stop, but there's never any answer. I miss you every day."

Mostly to DH - just try and pull your weight and be a half way compétant human being. I hate how, when life gets busy you decide it’s all too much so do sod all, when I call you out on this you just whine ‘I’m trying to do my best why won’t you let me make a mistake? Can’t you just write me a list? Well what do you want me to do’ arrggh just use your eyes and be useful! I don’t get to fuck everything up then just shrug my shoulders and act surprised that the kids need feeding and the sheets need putting on the guest bed.

to my alcoholic father - if I catch you sneaking off to the car to drink this Christmas there will be words had. I’m very much pissed off with you too.

DSis elder..my DD has deprived me of nothing by choosing to remain child-free let alone the "joy of watching GC open presents". You dare say that to her again this year and I WILL smack you in the fucking chops.

Dsis younger....If you are going to facetime me (lives abroad), do it when you're sober, your pissed up rants and self pity is getting boring now.

Some of these are so bloody sad. I stopped entertaining selfish, greedy and boring knobhead -exes, in laws and extended family-- family a long time ago. Sure, they probably think I'm a stuck up snob, but the alternative was just awful. Releasing myself from people pleasing was something I should have done years before I did.

I'd like to say to my DD that spending Christmas with just her is the most amazing gift. She's my best friend and I'm so proud of her. At 13 years old, now I feel like she's overcome so much and is becoming a really mature, thoughtful, kind, generous and loving young lady. I shall also tell her this myself on Christmas day and thank my lucky stars that life is now so different to the madness and total misplaced sense of duty of years gone by. Cheers DD.

In-laws ....."Shut the bloody door!"

We live in an old house, yes it can be a bit draughty which is why we keep the doors closed! We are about to embark on a few days of them walking into a room, sitting on the sofa, leaving the door wide open and then complaining that it's cold and draughty.

This seems to happen a thousand times a day and gets quite tiresome (especially when you're the one getting up and shutting the bloody door every time it happens)

Stop offering to help when you've got no intention of actually doing anything...

And yes dad, it would be lovely to see you ALONE without your partner who never shuts up. I know more about her family than I've ever wanted or needed to know but know less and less about my own father....

@Peanutssuck - if your son is out at work 12 hours of the day, that's a long day looking after kids for your DIL too. Isn't that also work?

And you don't have to explain yourself to me; your post was just full of vitriol. It's a shame you and your DIL don't get on better. Is your son happy?

That sounds really hard.

You're a good girl.
Decided to not bother with family shit and spend it with the dog instead.

MIL-i enjoy your company and you are very thoughtful, kind and funny. Unfortunately when you drink you are obnoxious, rude, self absorbed, cruel and a burden....so maybe don't drink this year.

Snap

Sounds like your DH is enacting weaponised incompetence. How exhausting for you, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

Must you spend Christmas with this tedious cousin? That doesn’t sound fun at all. But if this is the only way to spend Christmas with other relatives you do like, could you nominate someone to take your cousin aside and ask them to leave you alone?

17 year old niece, yes we know you're an A* student, yes we know you've had offers from all the Russell group unis, yes we know you passed your driving test in 4 months. But FFS when someone asks MY daughter what her plans for uni are, or how her driving lessons are going, you don't need to cut her off and tell everyone yet again about yourself! We fucking know because you talk over her every single time, let her shine for once please!

That’s a very sweet message, thank you! Not as terrible luckily- extended family Xmas dinner is the day before actual Christmas. Actual Christmas is spent with very loving close family so I have no complaints there :) thank you for your concern x

can’t really get cousin to leave me alone- he seems to have an image of me as a ‘woke liberal’ (I am left wing but really do try to let people have their political opinions and don’t attack his politics), so any complaint would turn into me having a ‘victimhood complex’. Very exhausting but I do want to see extended family and only have to stick it out for one meal!

I also would say almost exactly this. If I was able to see dc. Which I'm not.

Best friend please don't wait for a lull in conversation in the midst of lunch to talk about your house drainage problems and expect everyone to be quiet and listen and when someone changes the subject after 15 minutes get grumpy and teary.

Oh bless you. It's a horrible feeling isn't it. Sending you love and the hope that you will eventually reconcile.

In the case, maybe your relatives should drop a few hints that he’s being boring and they’ve heard it all before? Failing that, to get through the meal, you could play Cousin’s Bullshit Bingo. One point for saying vegan food is shit, one point for saying it’s so much effort to make…. Ten points if he has the gall to say, “how do you know if someone’s a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you! Haw-hee-haw!”

Unfortunately, I just said it.
My grey rock strategy failed with my narcissistic mother who went full on darvo after I failed to agree with her after she bullied my father.
Now I've got a worried dog and feel like an absolute failure.