Anything you'd like to say to someone before you spend christmas with them?

[Dappy777]

Most of us have to bite our tongue over Christmas. Is there someone you dislike but will have to see during Christmas and New Year? Since you can't say it out loud, get it off your chest on MN! I'll start:

1. To my brother in law. You've got a good heart, and you're a good husband, but jesus you are such a flippin oaf. You hold your knife and fork like a toddler, eat with your mouth open, smack your lips together, burp, fart, pick your nose, and snort with laughter at inappropriate things. This year, please don't take your shoes and socks off and put your smelly size 12 feet on my coffee table. How is it possible to have so little self-awareness?

2. To my cousin. No, the universe does not revolve around you. Try listening to what the other person is saying instead of waiting impatiently for them to finish. You don't talk to or with people. You talk at them. It's breathtaking. Like all self-centred people you are sooooooo boring. You've never read a book, and don't have any interest in current affairs. In fact, you don't seem interested in anything but yourself. No interest in sport, music, film, science, art...nothing. Just boasting and bigging yourself up. I've never met anyone so incapable of talking objectively. No matter what the subject, you have to bring it back to you.

Stop telling the same jokes over and over again, especially if no one laughed the first time.

Relative 2 - the fact that you live in London these days does mean that you are superior and the rest of us are local yokels who know nothing about the world.

Sadly the DW parents will always come first . I've just accepted it because it's pointless railing against it . Your son will give in for a quiet life . Happy wife - Happy life .

To my sister.
This will be the first Christmas without you.
Your daughters and husband are going to do you proud and try and make the day just like you would have done.
We are coming to see you to wish you a Merry Christmas.. bring flowers and an heart to hang on " your" tree.
Miss you so so much.💐

I may have mentioned it previously

Not always. My parents are dead now but even when they were alive my ILs were the priority. I think it now totally bypasses their thoughts that I do actually have siblings, nephews and nieces etc.
It's largely my own fault of course. My parents would have liked things done to suit them just as my ILs do really, but they were quiet, unassuming people who never pressured me or made a fuss. I took the path of least resistance and I do feel ashamed of myself now. I can see history repeating itself with my DD actually although a lot of that is down to geography. But maybe it's karma.

Thank you so much 💐

To my husband's family (unfortunately including him).

Shut up.

Please, for once, all of you, just talk a bit less and listen a little more. Let other people get a word in edgeways.

Your constant collective wittering on is rude, boring and exhausting. You have no manners and are utterly self absorbed. And there is something incredibly immature about it.

Oh and all of you talk with your mouths full because even a massive mouthful doesn't slow you down.

It's a real pity because I actually like you all but I really dislike spending much time with you.

BIL, my sister may have forgiven your emotional affair, I haven't. None of the rest of my family know that you messaged me by mistake rather than the OW and that's how the affair was exposed. I've kept your dirty secret. None of our family know about the affair so I've been trying to support her alone.
My sister is a shell of herself, her suicide attempt was because of you. I will never forgive you, you prick.

To spend Christmas in the same room as you while you act your arrogant self angers me. But because I love my sister I will be there.

FIL. Please don’t try to goad me by talking politics in such a condescending way. You have your views and I have mine. I manage not to goad you so could you please do the same?

These have me cracking up! Sadly I have nothing of humour to contribute.

DP - your sister and her family love you and have invited us round not to torment or punish you but because they want to spend time with us over Christmas. It will only be a couple of hours and you’ll build it up in your head to be far worse than it actually will be - in fact, just like every other visit, you’ll enjoy it. Please don’t put yourself through the mental acrobatics beforehand and get yourself all anxious.

Cousin. Please don’t spend another family Christmas making jokes about me being vegan. It’s exhausting. No, I don’t go on about it, it’s you who brings it up. No, I don’t care that you’re eating meat and I’m happy you’re enjoying the food but please stop offering it to me. If you dislike hosting and cooking vegan food, actually take me up on my offer to being round a vegan dish so you don’t have to make one. I’m more than happy to cook something, either just for me, or that everyone can share. It makes me feel terrible every year when you make a vegan dish, tell me the whole dinner about how hard it was to make and how much effort you have to put in, and how vegan food is shit. I can actually cook some very delicious vegan food if you’d only let me. This year, please don’t suggest I’m anorexic/malnourished because of my diet. Yes I have lost weight and look a bit too thin, but that’s because I’ve been in intense depression because of a sexual assault which only my mum and sister know about. I really don’t need the aggro this year. Please just be normal about my diet, either let me bring something or cook something nice for me.

wow, very therapeutic!

Please stop telling me about the minutiae of the lives of your friends and acquaintances.

I don’t care that your fourth-along neighbours John and Sandra, they’ve got a really nice house, with a paved drive you’re not sure sure about but it’s better for Sandra as she’s not good on her feet, do you remember meeting them in 2006? Their daughter was at your school you know, she’s a teacher now in Stirling. Well, John has been looking at repointing his house, he know this handyman, he’s Polish I think - wife is Hungarian and they have two children etc etc

AHHHHH.

Meanwhile, unable to remember any detail whatsoever about my or my children’s lives.

To myself: DON'T OVERSHARE.

Brother, as much as I enjoy a bottle of Gin... really? Every Xmas present from you for the past 15 years?

This is more of a thank you.
To my narc mother who has invited herself to xmas for 24 years since my dad died, contributed nothing and has always caused some sort of drama.
Thank you for inviting yourself to one of your adult granchilds instead. You thought you could do it without anyone finding out and just let me order the food and drinks for xmas and be shocked when you failed to turn up on the day. But your plan was blown and you won't get the pleasure of that xmas day drama.
Now you are sulking because you don't want to go really.
The subsequent lack of daily calls from you and the thought of a peaceful Xmas day without you is the best present you have ever given me.

I don't want to be here, you know it and I know you know it so let's just paste a smile on our faces and get through it.

I’m sorry to hear about the SA, I hope you are doing as well as can be expected

Everyone - I adore and love you all. But I am antisocial cook I'm afraid, so for the last hour or so before lunch let me just focus in the kitchen with classic FM on and a large glass and I will be happy. I will keep popping through to see you, promise, and there are 4 other adults plus the teenagers. Plenty of people to talk to who aren't me trying to not burn the beef! 😂

My darling DB. I love you so much and I am thrilled that you are here with your family for Christmas, but stop bringing up the fact that your friends and family in the UK don't seem to have much disposable income despite very good jobs. It's not poor financial management, it's called tax. Something you and your DP have paid a negligible amount of for the past 20 years whilst playing at white saviours. Not to mention your home paid for, car paid for, school fees paid for, university fees paid for, flights paid for etc...
If you say to me one more time how grateful you are that I'm the child who stayed behind because it means that you can make guilt free decisions about where you live and where you go on holiday because you know I'm always there for DM. I'll smack your face off your face.

Please don't make me play cards all night. I hate playing cards.

In Tommy Shelby voice:

No fighting
No fighting
NO FUCKING FIGHTING!

To my amazing but constantly bickering dc.

Off topic I know but what IS a soup maker? Surely it's just a pan?!

This. With bells on. The bells being:

”I know you think you are helping, but you are actually making things harder and no, I don’t need company, I will listen to your boring chat when I have finished cooking.”

Absolutely this