Anything you'd like to say to someone before you spend christmas with them?

[Dappy777]

Most of us have to bite our tongue over Christmas. Is there someone you dislike but will have to see during Christmas and New Year? Since you can't say it out loud, get it off your chest on MN! I'll start:

1. To my brother in law. You've got a good heart, and you're a good husband, but jesus you are such a flippin oaf. You hold your knife and fork like a toddler, eat with your mouth open, smack your lips together, burp, fart, pick your nose, and snort with laughter at inappropriate things. This year, please don't take your shoes and socks off and put your smelly size 12 feet on my coffee table. How is it possible to have so little self-awareness?

2. To my cousin. No, the universe does not revolve around you. Try listening to what the other person is saying instead of waiting impatiently for them to finish. You don't talk to or with people. You talk at them. It's breathtaking. Like all self-centred people you are sooooooo boring. You've never read a book, and don't have any interest in current affairs. In fact, you don't seem interested in anything but yourself. No interest in sport, music, film, science, art...nothing. Just boasting and bigging yourself up. I've never met anyone so incapable of talking objectively. No matter what the subject, you have to bring it back to you.

We have this from DMIL too...
They moved the bus stop which means that the rain now blows into the new one and it's not very handy for the people in the old peoples home and the bus numbers are too small these days and they used to drop you off on Deansgate which was handy for Marksies but now they go round the back so it's much further, not that Marksies is any good any more as she goes to Primark instead as it's half the price but they charge too much for bags it's awful paying for bags m, all this eco stuff they don't think of pensioners do they it's all online.

My ds and dil see us more than dil's dm.

Tbh it's my dd whose dh prefers to be with his own family although they're fair and alternate.
And his own family are great fun too.

We're lucky, we have great in laws.

DM if you decide to wail that my father is dead and demand a hug at a critical point in cooking again I will know that you are doing it deliberately to try to get me to crack and fuck something up.

yes very sad DDad isn’t here but he has not been here for 10 years and he is not more not here at the moment I am finishing the gravy. He could have been not here when peeling potatoes. In fact that would be sensible time to miss him as he always did all the grunt work like peeling potatoes.

DB: please wait until everyone has served themselves food (included DM) before you start eating, basics manners cost nothing. You look like absolute clown when you have inhaled your food before some people have even managed to start.

Dad - please don't bring your large and crazy dog into my tiny home, which will be full of food and people, when she can't behave and you won't control her.

Step-mum - please stop attributing my stories, jokes, achievements, interests, habits and expertise to my youngest brother. He is not the messiah, he isn't even a very naughty boy and he smokes.

SIL - please don't come when you have flu, please. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Brothers - please don't get pissed to the point of obnoxiousness

Dogs - please behave

Kids - you are young adults now please don't bicker, please help, please just tidy your own space a bit.

Higher powers: please help me get through this without having a breakdown/falling out with anyone/getting sick

Husband: i love you, thank you, pkease make them go away.

Phew. Like the opposite of a gratitude journal, but i feel better now. (Apart from the flu carriers)

A general fuck off should cover it from me. I MAY have PMS 😂

To my dog I'd like to say how much you are my soulmate and make life good and I love you with all my heart. You are very healing. I am lucky to be spending Xmas day alone with my dog. I have had many unhappy Xmas days for many years.

It’s just a stream of consciousness isn’t it, almost impossible to keep up.

Meanwhile, anything I say is usually met by just a completely blank face, like they’re entirely unable to engage with any information about my life at all.

I think all old ladies are at risk of developing this!

Sons GF: I am so glad you are enjoying Uni and I have every confidence you will be a marvellous doctor. That said, my son’s small patch of dry skin is probably just…dry skin. It’s likely NOT kidney disease. it’s kind of distracting to be diagnosed with obscure diseases when trying to baste a turkey. So drink some wine and try to ignore any symptoms of typhoid fever just for today.

MIL - you’re lovely but please stop making unsolicited comments about my hair and how you preferred it before. Or asking me if I’ve lost weight, like you do every time I see you.

BIL (age 54) - pull your fucking finger out FFS. Everyone helps around you and you can’t even put your own plate in the kitchen. Look at your younger brother, who is always one of the first to get up and help, or my other BIL, who will also be one of the washing-up crew in the kitchen. Please offer to help my 76 year-old dad when he puts the inflatable mattress and sheets onto a bed for you. Just do something, please, instead of staring at your phone!

To my mum:

You don't need to keep reminding us that you can't eat large portions. The dinner will be served on the table and everyone can take as much or as little as they like. Like every year.

You don't need to keep reminding us that you like 'a little sleep' in the afternoon. You have your own room and can go for a nap whenever you like. Like every year.

It will soon be 4 o'clock and I can go home and be shot of you all. I have been counting down to going home since I first arrived. So greatful your neighbours are wonderful and I now know every inch of their lives , So glad everyone knows about my medical problems when i never said a word, you filled them all in with your gossipy, shitty ways so they now all feel sorry for me when thats the last thing I wanted. I am not an object to be pitied and I don't want to talk about it ,to you or any strangers to me who are your friends. Its called pride and dignity you could try to learn some of either. Thanks for all the tat,the clothes that don't and wouldn't ever fit that I would never like either . Fuck you all, you set of tossers. I wish we didnt have to go through this charade of happy families every year but there you go I have done my best and done my bit and I am glad its all over. Off back to normality now! See you all soon love you..

To my husbands grandmother, stop defending your daughter to us when she abused my husband and stole money from my child.

MIL. You think your family is better than mine,you are a snob and I hate you,and you think your son is too good for me. I won't be seeing you again.

DCs, I really don't want to be here.

E - I'm so sorry that christmas causes you so much anxiety that you're physically sick for days in the lead up, you can't sleep and it's such a miserable time for you. We're almost on the other side now just hang on in there x

Wow, @Peanutssuck , you really hate your DIL.

Is she really a cunt for holding the baby and letting your own son help you in the kitchen? Why shouldn't he help?

Well according to MIL its the must have gadget.
I have a pan, knife and blender and that will do nicely

Yes. Because that's all she's done since both babies were born. Whilst my DS works 12hr days and still works cleaning and washing up etc when he gets home. Tho I don't know why I'm having to explain my post to a stranger on the Internet 🤣🤣

Not me but next door. Dear neighbour. We all know that you brag 364 days of the year that you don't put the heating on but in the evening lay three sticks in your log burner which is sufficient. Well news buddy your daughter SIL and grandchildren aren't visiting you again this year because they bloody freeze.

Just for one day of the year everyone unless you're in poverty put the heating on.

child 2 (27) please don’t bring washing home to use our machine because you have been busy at work. The utility room will be rammed full of extra food

child 2 (26) please don’t be grumpy. We know night shifts have left you exhausted but let’s try to smile occasionally

No. I spend Christmas with the people i want to. Not because its Christmas and inviting people over is what’s done.

i would not put myself nor my kids through it.

To someone who’ll be at the same family lunch on Christmas Day: are you going to hand over any of the money you held onto that wasn’t meant for you as a wedding present for your grandchild?

BIL: your earring makes you look like an idiot.

I know it’s in no way Christmas related, but it’s better I say it here. It’s a new addition, and I’m likely to get the giggles.

My DM is getting increasingly like this and the punchline is usually that John or Sandra is dead.

BIL please don’t talk to me or DD2, I understand you don’t like me, I did intentionally have four kids and do know how to use contraception.. I am 20x more clever than my sister because for one I didn’t marry a boring self inflated twat like you. Also we don’t need you to comment on our weight, being slim is not a super power and you are a fat bastard anyway.😂