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Original poster

Vipers, I need you.

77 replies

Persimmion · 18/12/2024 21:43

My life with DP is boring, he is boring, and I feel like I'm in a cage.

He developed a non -life threatening health condition after covid and though I understand how it affected him, he has since reduced his life to hobby and home. No more, no less. No holidays, no conversation, no affection, no meals out, cinema, theatre, socialising etc, etc. every evening is the same with meal, wash up, bath, bed. The few social activities around here are fine if you like being patronised .

I am going out of my mind.

I know I could take myself out and occasionally do, but 15-16 years ago I moved over 150 miles to be with him, so have no friends or family here and am so lonely. I loathe the town we live in, and am homesick. Not necessarily for the town I came from, but definitely for my home county.
I have tried many times talking to him about all this but he won't discuss it. He walks away/goes to bed then afterwards pretends it never happened.

I am living HIS life HIS way.

So -
Surfing Rightmove and onthemarket for properties in my home coastal area it seems there are quite a few flats to rent at relatively reasonable prices below £600 for 2 beds.

Pro's
*I would be beside the sea. I would 'know' every street, quirky turn, and history of the town.
*Be in my 'homeland'
*Be able to invite friends home. (I don't do it at the mo as he's so embarrassingly miserable).
*Be able to watch what I want on TV - he constantly picks fault with whatever is on the screen so I turn it off.
*Just live life my way in general.

Cons
*I would have to pay rent for the rest of my days. (am mortgage and rent free at the mo)
Most affordable flats are either 1st or 2nd floors - as I'm about to hit 70 yrs old might that become a problem, though I can still run up and down them right now.
*I have no living family members now.
*the thought of moving fills me with dread

On 'paper' the choice is obvious, but is there anything I've missed?

OP posts:
SquirrelSoShiny · 18/12/2024 21:45

You know the answer to this Flowers

UndeniablyGenX · 18/12/2024 21:45

No advice but wishing you luck!

LolaB00 · 18/12/2024 21:47

Yeah move. Life is too sodding short. Go for a retirement property as cheaper

Burntout101 · 18/12/2024 21:47

The obvious answer is jumping out of the screen ! Be brave and do it

notgettinganyyounger · 18/12/2024 21:48

Home county. 100 percent.
Allow yourself to be happy

healthybychristmas · 18/12/2024 22:25

At your age you need to really focus on yourself. Don't waste a minute longer with this man! Do you still have friends in your home county? If you give us an idea of your budget for buying and areas you like I think we would all love to have a good look for you.

AutumnFroglets · 18/12/2024 22:27

Most affordable flats are either 1st or 2nd floors - as I'm about to hit 70 yrs old might that become a problem, though I can still run up and down them right now.
Most but not all?? Get yourself into a position where you can move fast for viewing and deposits etc. Then when a good one turns up you will ready. Plan, plan, dream, and plan again. Only make a decision when a decent place comes up Flowers

EDIT - I was in a 40 year marriage but am breaking free. I don't want to die being his servant in a dirty, untidy and noisy house (of his making). Do you?

notatinydancer · 18/12/2024 22:30

Do you jointly own the house ?
If so , you're entitled to half.
You've lived there 15-16 years and not met any friends?

Sonolanona · 18/12/2024 22:30

My Mum up and moved from the midlands to the south coast... by herself, didn;t know a soul and doesn't drive.She's in her late 70s. She swims in the sea, has joined several choirs and groups and is living her life!

Go for it!

CalicoPusscat · 18/12/2024 22:40

It sounds like you need to move and get enjoyment out of life. If you're mortgage free you'd get back half the property sale?

He's draining you at present.

Mossstitch · 18/12/2024 23:19

Do it (I got out after 30 years and bliss). On a practical level, whilst waiting for divorce and financial settlement, you could look up any housing associations in the area and find out if any vacancies in 55+ sheltered housing. Someone I knew did that, they had choice of three, no waiting list. Benefit is they are cheaper rent and always have a lift plus often have social events to get involved in. 💐

LetGoLetThem1234 · 18/12/2024 23:23

@Persimmion : You've missed the joy you will feel being back in control of your life.

Thevelvelletes · 19/12/2024 02:26

One Life.. live it😎

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2024 02:49

Are you mortgage free or is he?

murphys · 19/12/2024 05:00

Oh do it OP, my goodness your life sounds dire from your post.

Are you in a position to pay the rent without issues? If so, this has to be better than saving money but being miserable.

Happyinarcon · 19/12/2024 05:07

I find it hard to believe your husband won’t discuss this with you and the only genuine alternative you can think of is to leave your sick husband

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 19/12/2024 05:51

Persimmion · 18/12/2024 21:43

My life with DP is boring, he is boring, and I feel like I'm in a cage.

He developed a non -life threatening health condition after covid and though I understand how it affected him, he has since reduced his life to hobby and home. No more, no less. No holidays, no conversation, no affection, no meals out, cinema, theatre, socialising etc, etc. every evening is the same with meal, wash up, bath, bed. The few social activities around here are fine if you like being patronised .

I am going out of my mind.

I know I could take myself out and occasionally do, but 15-16 years ago I moved over 150 miles to be with him, so have no friends or family here and am so lonely. I loathe the town we live in, and am homesick. Not necessarily for the town I came from, but definitely for my home county.
I have tried many times talking to him about all this but he won't discuss it. He walks away/goes to bed then afterwards pretends it never happened.

I am living HIS life HIS way.

So -
Surfing Rightmove and onthemarket for properties in my home coastal area it seems there are quite a few flats to rent at relatively reasonable prices below £600 for 2 beds.

Pro's
*I would be beside the sea. I would 'know' every street, quirky turn, and history of the town.
*Be in my 'homeland'
*Be able to invite friends home. (I don't do it at the mo as he's so embarrassingly miserable).
*Be able to watch what I want on TV - he constantly picks fault with whatever is on the screen so I turn it off.
*Just live life my way in general.

Cons
*I would have to pay rent for the rest of my days. (am mortgage and rent free at the mo)
Most affordable flats are either 1st or 2nd floors - as I'm about to hit 70 yrs old might that become a problem, though I can still run up and down them right now.
*I have no living family members now.
*the thought of moving fills me with dread

On 'paper' the choice is obvious, but is there anything I've missed?

How can you live somewhere for 15 years and not make friends? That's some feat

Fimofriend · 19/12/2024 05:56

Happyinarcon · 19/12/2024 05:07

I find it hard to believe your husband won’t discuss this with you and the only genuine alternative you can think of is to leave your sick husband

It must be nice to have lived such a sheltered life that you cannot even imagine men like that.

Fimofriend · 19/12/2024 05:58

@CyranoDeBergerQuack She can't invite people home because of him and if he complains if she even dares to turn on the telly I can't really imagine him being ok with her going out with friends.

tolerable · 19/12/2024 06:22

DO IT!! You simply must. Its is of course a shame hes not adapting /even trying to-in a healthy manner. Your happiness shouldnt be compromised.Its nn negotiable. I m guessing he wont or you doont want him come too?Prioritise yourself.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 19/12/2024 06:23

Can you clarify your financial situation, OP? If you’re mortgage free it implies you jointly own a paid-for property, in which case you’re entitled to half the value of it.

Either way you know what the answer to your question is and I’m sure writing this post must have solidified that for you. Don’t waste the rest of your precious life in this miserable situation.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/12/2024 06:29

Are you married? Do you jointly own the property? Regardless of these points, it sounds as if you should leave, but your financial position will be different depending on the answers.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2024 06:40

Your financial status would be useful. And even if you don’t own half, if you can prove you paid toward the mortgage all that time, you should be entitled to a share of the property.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2024 06:41

Either way I would leave.

CountFucula · 19/12/2024 06:50

As you’ve already seen from this thread you will be seen (and probably by him) as a bad woma leaving a sick man. When to me you are a freedom fighter.
so you’ll be paying rent - so what? Get the hell outta there and regroup.