Is this an adhd trait?

[Untery]

So someone tells you a story about something. And your effort to empathise and show understanding is that you say “omg that happened to me to “ and tell them all about your similar story just the same. Neurotypical friend thinks you are trying to hijack the conversation and make it about yourself.

Yes it is

Yep

I do this all the time. I know I annoy people and have difficulty making friends. Have long suspected I am adhd or autistic. Eeek. Wonder if I do anything else I really shouldnt

Really? I come across this as part of a conversation regularly and with lots of different people.

I think it’s an everybody trait. Few people are good listeners.

It is hijacking but I’m not familiar with it being an adhd/autistic trait.
More self centered, immature communication style. Very common in my experience.

It is most definitely an ADHD trait and a form of empathy. A way of relating to an experience.

I wouldn’t mind it if people did it to me. Like the other person is showing they have had similar experiences

I think of it as totally normal and something most people do.

I also don't find it rude at all

It could be adhd, autism or neither. But yes it's very common in autistic people, adhders, or even more likely in AuDHDers!

Recentering the conversation on yourself? I think that's very common in conversation, and not necessarily an ADHD trait. It is something you can work on if you want to, catch yourself doing, practice other forms of responding, ask your friends to point it out to you if they are up for that.

I do think there are different ways of doing it - so if you add your experience but still give your friend space to talk about themself, that's one thing, but if your entire response is centred on your own experience, that's a bit different.

It absolutely is an ADHD trait and it's how someone with ADHD can relate, empathise and join in.

It is. I have to work really hard not to do it!

Yep - I have to remind myself not to do this, it’s difficult. I also have to remind myself to ask about other people. I often interact with someone and they will ask for example what I am doing at the weekend, I tell them but forget to ask in return.

I do this. I'm autistic with suspected ADHD. It's definitely done to show empathy not to hijack a conversation. I don't mind at all when people do it to me and it always amazes me to hear that some people have such a problem with it.

Some NT people (and even ND) people will see it as hijacking or self centered, immature, etc but to others, it's a form of empathy and helping someone know you understand because you've lived it. As an ND person, I find that helpful.

It would be selfish if you use your experience to minimise their reaction or situation by saying 'oh this happened to me too... nothing to cry about', etc.

It would be hijacking when you then carry on to continue about yours and never let them speak about their experience but when you briefly relate yours then allow them to continue, it's fine.

Interestingly, a lot of times, NT people hardly find nuance in things. It's just black and white, either or but as an ND, the circumstances, intention and character or personality of the person involved is what determines what I call it. As an ND person, so many things depend on several factors that have to be considered even if it may be incovenient for some impatient people who'd rather just judge or jump to conclusions and put something/someone into a quick box.

And we're the ones with the "rigid thinking". 😆

I will definitely try to stop now. I am actually a very quiet person, I hate talking about myself or having the conversation on me. I was at a social thing last night that involved a lot of small talk and I love being with someone who just talks and talks about themselves so I can just do the listening. But I felt this was a way of showing I understand. I absolutely do not dominate the conversation at all as the other person usually does a lot more talking than me. But maybe I am still interupting their train of thought and I shouldn’t be doing it at all.

That’s how I’d see it too. I think it also depends on whether you interrupt someone before they’ve finished telling their story to tell your own or if you wait for them to finish first.

Yes I do this too 🤦‍♀️

So many people did this to me when my mother died, I can't believe they were all ND!
Sometimes it is just all about them. But I also accept it can be a way to relate. However, no matter what similar experience you have had, it does not mean you know what they are going through their experience won't be the same as yours.

When people ask me how my weekend was. I basically panic and try to remember what I did and think of something to say that doesn’t make me sound weird or boring. Then by the time I have done that but I am too exhausted to remember to ask them how their weekend was.
its actually a question I hate for this reason !

it's a human trait.
It's a low emotional intelligence trait.

Every single person I know does this. It's a completely normal trait.

Yes, it is. I have (diagnosed) ADHD and it always felt natural to share - they are sharing, so I share something in return and to show I understand. I remember the first time I was pulled up on it - eye roll and ‘it’s all about cats’ - I was really upset and felt misunderstood. I do try not to do it now, but this means I am less open/more reserved in general and a bit self conscious - in other words, masking, which is exhausting.

As an aside, I do find that NT people love to talk about themselves and don’t like their monologues to be interrupted, whereas conversation between/amongst ND people is often chaotic, but everyone speaks and shares. Most of my friends are also ND or lean in that direction (some diagnosed, some not).

@Untery there was a guy I worked with but based in different offices. If he rang me for something he would always ask how I am. If I rang him for something I would just jump straight into the question. I actually had to write on a post it note next to the phone, ask X how he is.