Is this an adhd trait?

[Untery]

So someone tells you a story about something. And your effort to empathise and show understanding is that you say “omg that happened to me to “ and tell them all about your similar story just the same. Neurotypical friend thinks you are trying to hijack the conversation and make it about yourself.

I don't think it's an ADHD thing, just a human thing. Some people do it well by expressing sympathy/empathy and some people do it poorly by making the conversation all about them.

I have three diagnosed ASD/ADHD relatives and none of them would ever say "that happened to me too". In fact one does the complete opposite - if we're talking about topic A he will suddenly veer off onto topic Q (because his mind has jumped to a spurious link which none of the rest of us understand). Talking to him is the conversational equivalent of being on a rollercoaster!

Oh god, the conversational roller coaster. There's a few friends who I do this with (and they me). We have no trouble following each other's train of thought but bystanders are left completely bemused 😂

I actually almost think the opposite - that wanting to hold forth without interruption and not understanding when someone tries to engage you in conversation by empathising with you sounds much more neurodiverse..

In an NT person it's an attempt to make everything about them.

In an ND person it's an attempt to show that you understand how they must feel because you have been through something similar yourself. As an ND person if you haven't been through something similar it can be much harder to empathise/understand how the other person feels.

Well….no. “ Back in the day” there were no “ normal people” in the sense that it was accepted people had varying personalities.
Now, apparently, the world is divided into Normal and ND , which is just not accurate (and very reductive).

I was a shy and quiet teenager and observed some people doing this ( recounting similar stories)
However I developed a tendency to butt in and interrupt other people.Two kind friends pointed it out to me and I have tried to curb it.It's a fine balancing act between joining in and being rude.

A group of us are a bit ADHD. Onlookers think that we're talking over each other, making it about ourselves. But it's definitely an empathy and information exchange. We're all listening and find out all sorts of stuff about each other by rollercoasting!

If I said to my mother 'My eyeball popped clean out the other day, right into the sink' she would say 'Ooh the same thing happened to me. Tell me about it!'

She cannot do the back and forth of conversation. I have written down question openers and modelled using them with her, but she cannot do it.

I understand why, but it is incredibly painful.

I saw a social media reel about this being an adhd trait and there were hundreds of of comments saying they do this.

It's not an adhd trait, it's a normal reaction to conversation.

I'm not dimissing or denying adhd. I'm not anti adhd or anti raising awareness.

But I can absolutely assure you that this is normal. It's just a natural way to build rapport and empathy in conversation. It's called trying to find common ground.
People who have adhd also have normal, non diverse traits too.

Not everything is a symptom of something.

So many people on here saying it’s a symptom of poor emotional intelligence and not having good listening skills. I am confused now . Feeling quite low in confidence socially just now and think this just threw me when I read about it this morning

Don’t let it get to you. Most people are at least a little bit socially awkward!

I think the fact you’re even posting this means you’re self-aware enough.

I think what is more important is the fact you realise you are doing it, so now you can change that and not make the conversation all about you.

I would say it's more autism than ADHD, but definitely a neurodivergent thing.

I also agree with this, it is like everyone wants to excuse anything these days and get a label for it when it's not needed.

Autism is a social communication disorder amongst other things. There are many things that NT people take for granted that have to be explicitly learnt. Social space, turn taking and not monologuing about special interests etc.

Obviously autistic people are human but this is a challenge for autistic people not for humans who are not autistic.

People who are not autistic ought not to be claiming that their mild difficulties would be considered diagnostic in order to minimise. They really wouldn't.

Autistic people are really autistic. They actually need support to live independently and productively because of an assumption of social skills of the NT that are innate.

What do you think you will gain by denying support?

Cooperative overlapping - it's not rude, it's not a ND thing, it's a conversational style.

@MerryLiftMass is this an ADHD trait?

I think so, I just thought I wasn’t a people person and a bit of an igronant bitch, then my son was diagnosed with Audhd and I had to educate myself.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself staring back in every word I read. I mentioned it to a few people and they said, oh we thought you knew, you are the most obvious ADHD person I know.

I remember going to therapy thinking I had BPD and during the assessment they suggested I get tested for ADHD but I dismissed it thinking that was just something naughty boys had. Oh how naïve I was.

Me, too. Obviously there are times when this is not appropriate but in many cases it seems quite normal and appropriate. I often like to know how other people have experienced similar challenges to me.

I don’t know if it’s ADHD or not (I’m not diagnosed with anything) but this is something about myself that I struggle with the most. I have to make a huge effort not to blurt out ‘omg me too!!’ Or similar, and just sit and listen. It’s a huge effort and I don’t always manage it!

Oh come on. It may be that if you're NT. But if you're a logical, ND person it's the clearest way to show the person that you understand what they are going through as they have been through something similar. The intention is to show that they have a shared experience.

Do you genuinely think that we were accepted back in the day?

Were we fuck.

No, not true, a NT person might be trying to empathise too. And if you haven’t been through something yourself it is also harder to understand it properly even for a NT.

And maybe sometimes a ND person may be making it all about them.

I find this thread very divisive tbh. Not OP’s fault but some of the answers are very ‘them and us’. (I live with both NT and ND people in case it matters.)

It is a human trait.
I know a lady with ADHD who works in mental health, and would be in serious trouble if she jumped in and turned the conversation to herself. She is also a firm advocate of not diagnosing via TikTok. Not everything is a symptom.

Same.
Neither NT or ND people are a homogenous mass. Everyone is an individual with their own personalities and motives. I see the divisiveness on social media.... very 'us and them'. My DP is ND and gets very fed up with other ND people at times... but according to many all ND get on with other ND, and NT people are knobs and just out for themselves and should be avoided.
You can be a cunt and ND.